Editor’s note:If you have a question you would like answered and explored in this forum, please email Jan at Drjanseward [at] gmail.com. Letters may be edited for length and clarity. Don’t be shy — we’re enjoying what our readers come up with! — amanda
Hi Jan,
I married my husband on May 15th 2010 and we’re already separated! This has been such an indescribably painful experience.
When we met and moved in together he was the most loving, kind and patient person I ever met. After we married he morphed into a controlling, angry and out of control man. All communications went out the window. I tried and tried to make things work but got no co-operation on his part. His behavior spiraled out of control. He got fired from work for inappropriate behavior and attacked two of my kids (not physically).
It’s just so hard for me to accept that it’s really over. If so, what was the point of being married for only one year? Why would I have to have this painful experience? I loved him so much and at one time we were so harmonious together. I just can’t figure out if he was fooling me all along or if something happened to make him change. If I am truly meant to leave it in the past and move forward I must admit it is so very hard to do. Recently after two months of nothing but angry communications we actually had a conversation. He did apologize for the things I said I was upset about but there would be so much work involved to really make things work and I just don’t think he’s up to it.
Thanks,
Fugi
Dear Fugi,
Thank you for your letter. You included your astrological information (which I’ve withheld for privacy), and I know that if we looked at your and your ex-husband’s charts we would find astrological explanations for the surprising and painful ending to a relationship that seemed to hold such promise. But astrology talks about potentials and possibilities, and becomes more predictive in hindsight. We are left with psychology to understand how we participate in creating our circumstances by way of free will and the choices we make that determine our futures.