The fake edition of the Post is available at nypost-se.com
Dear Friend and Reader:
Good morning and welcome to the last day of Virgo, along with Venus in Virgo trine Pluto in Capricorn. The Sun is void of course, and that is a day that unusual things can happen. Mercury is still retrograde. It might be really, really unusual.
In other news, many of the big boys and bigger wigs and corporate honchos and oil rabbis are arriving in New York City for the opening of Climate Change Week, ready to convince us how great fossil fuels still are. So, too, are The Yes Men, who have spent months doing a parody of the New York Post. [Here is a Planet Waves article on the Yes Men from 2007.]
Today’s spoof (by the way, they insist it’s not a parody) on the Post is a ‘special edition’ that writes to and about the world from an alternate reality wherein everyone just gets it and we deal with the issue of the world heating up. Somehow, I am not sure how, the Yes Men got to me and asked me to write a horoscope for the project. We went back and forth with various shades of satire, lots of lucky you’re a Pisces cause of all the flooding and Sagittarians defend the high ground with their bow and arrow kind of jokes, and finally they asked me to write them a lively, straight-on horoscope for the day.
It didn’t make the final cut, but I can share that with you now that the ultra-secret wrapper has been taken off the project. This horoscope has a bit of bitchslap to it, rather than my usual velvet glove approach to psychology. There are no climate change jokes. Climate change is not funny. We need to save the world. For what, I am not sure, but it seems like the thing to do.
Meanwhile, I’ve taken up my second role as a Yes Man and (as you read) I’ll be photographing the distribution of this lovely piece of literature, and getting a behind-the-scenes view of the World of Yes. I’ll be in New York City on Monday (Manhattan in the morning, Brooklyn in the afternoon), stationed at United Nations Headquarters (the perfect assignment for Planet Waves). You can reach me through Chelsea, especially if you have a place where I can take a nap in the late afternoon. I left my studio at 2 am Monday (with a day’s worth of gluten free food, charged batteries and a Chinese fortune I just got that informs me, The time is right to make new friends), to report for muster call at the Empire State Building at 4 am, before proceeding to the UN.
These people get up early. With any luck at all, the world will not sleep late.
Yours & truly,
PS, to see my photo stream, if all goes according to plan, at around noon or 1 pm New York time, check my Flickr page. Other photos will be available by searching the keyword newyorkbigevent in Flickr. They are planning nearly instantaneous coverage. There may also be more photos here.
 Your Daily Horoscope for Sept. 21, 2009 – BY ERIC FRANCIS |
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Aries (March 20-April 19)
It seems like the more you work, the less you get done. You have your strategy running backward. You’re not doing what you want to do; you’re acting like a child who is being told what to do, and who has no idea he can get away with saying no. This is vividly different than your childhood, when one of your two most dependable skills was defiance of authority. Now you worship the stuff; you’ve become like the rest of us, and look where we all ended up.
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Taurus (April 19- May 20)
What was it you said you would never do? Or rather, who was it? On the long list of people you wanted to get groovy with but for some mysterious reason refused, you now have an opportunity that has returned from the land of the improbable. What will you do? Unless I specifically instruct you to tear off your clothes, you will spend long enough thinking about it that the person will get bored waiting for you. At least send a kinky text message.
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Gemini (May 20- June 21)
Your feelings are so scrambled you’ve invented a catalogue system to keep track of them. You put the catalogue in a notebook, but you can’t read your own handwriting. You tried an Excel database, but it crashed twice. The only solution is to take up drinking. You’re the type who has to be cut off after one pony Miller, but you’ve gone and drank an entire pint. This led you to have an actual idea, but you can’t find a pen. Face it, it’s gonna be one of those days.
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Cancer (June 21- July 22)
If you’re such a genius, why does everyone take advantage of you like this? Maybe it’s because you’re sensitive and they are not. The funny thing about callous people is they bear an uncanny knack for discerning who is the most emotionally vulnerable. In 45 minutes, you will consider becoming a cunning, heartless shrew that your mother once accused you of being when she was having one of her narcissistic episodes. Five minutes later, you will reject this possibility without understanding why.