I’ve written a lot about masturbation, but never enough. The reason is that masturbation continues to be the last frontier of sexuality; which is funny because it’s also the first frontier, and the current one. In my theory of sexuality, masturbation is the core of the matter; it’s the central idea; the thing that determines how we vibrate with ourselves that in turn helps us vibrate with others. It is the essence of sexual self-awareness and the place where we find and establish our freedom.
I have spent a lot and I do mean a lot of time wondering why masturbation is so controversial.
Some of my current theories are: it’s sex for the sake of pleasure, which cannot be confused with the Christian notion of sex for reproduction. Next, it is sexuality that we all associate with childhood. Yes, we all masturbated as kids — we all had sex with a kid! Ourselves! This is a deeply troubling source of conflict in a world where we project total asexuality onto kids while simultaneously (from our own personal experience as kids) knowing it’s a lie.
Next, masturbation is queer. When you have sex with yourself, you have sex with someone of the same sex. And that is homosexual. This is not as ridiculous a concept as it seems, though it’s veiled in the layer of denial that is associated with homophobia. Ultimately, homophobia is the fear of self, since self is as same as it gets, for self.
Next, well, I will shut up for the moment. The reasons never end, but neither do the reasons to dive in and explore — and to get out of any mode where masturbation is boring. Experiment and stretch your mind. Use your voice. Use a digital recorder, use a camera, use video, use whatever. Invite a friend to watch/be watched. Add a little of what hippies call ‘kind bud’ to the equation — not a lot, just a little, and see where you go.
Here is Coming to the Revolution, and another favorite called How to Be Your Own Lover.
As Woody Allen said: Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone you love! trouble is, we don’t love ourselves that much. But, yes -the discovery of masturbation after a boyfriend ditched me several years ago was one of the most liberating things that happened to me, it liberated me from the need to find a man who could give me pleasure. Not that I don’t love sex and men – but discovering masturbation was the equivalent for me of early feminists burning their bras. Very interesting take on the homosexual aspect – food for thought.
Love
Liz xx