Dear Friend and Reader:
He’s dark skinned, he was born a heathen and he’s younger than your kid sister – it’s the imitation Barack Obama.
Republicans got the memo that this country is ready for something new, and they contacted Mattel immediately. After much brainstorming, Mattelican Corp. programmed a first-generation American with Punjabi parents. McCain is currently being instructed how to use the joystick. Last night, he was given control over Jindal’s hands.
Bobby Jindal, the Mattelican Corp product, made his national debut last night when he presentedВ the GOP’s response to President Obama’s address to the nation.
The Hindu-born, fresh face on the scene has completed the preliminary tests, particularly with the language programming feature. He can now say over 100 phrases, including: “it’s time for change: let’s ban abortion,” “that’s cool, man,” “I have gay friends but I don’t believe in same-sex marriage,” “don’t be scared, I converted to Catholicism,” “I’m just not down with stem cell research,” “I am not a terrorist” and “My name’s Piyush but you can call me Bobby.”
An avid woodsman, he personally chopped down a redwood tree in 2006, at the invocation of “Save a Kid: Chop Down a Tree.” Save a Kid is a youth program sponsored by People for Families Not Like Yours. Part of the program involves lobbying Congress to switch to redwood-based paper, in the hopes that “America will be Tree Free by 2014.” Jindal’s biographers believe this passion for a treeless world has something to do with his past: he had a horrible addiction to clean air as a teenager, but claims to be off the stuff for years.
The RNC has plans to issue Gov. Jindal with some accessories, including a Blackberry, shipped in special from China. He’s also rumored to come with PhotoShop, which he will use to design his own campaign logo. Cosmetic surgeons have been commissioned to see if they can unpin his ears.В His two novels, The Audacity of the Pope and Gleams from my Mother: The Sanctity of Sperm, will be published at the end of 2009.
–Eric Francis & Rachel Asher
…my, that sure is a fixed rictus…d’you think he’s sat on a pickle?
OMG!!
He DOES look like Alfred E. Neumann!
Thanks for keeping my chortle going.
I’m gonna sound like a phrenologist here, but –like Bush– his eyes are a little too close together. Alfred E. Neumann (the mascot of Mad Magazine) all over again. There is some peculiar genius at work there, though I have yet figure out its endgame.
You two had fun writing this, huh! After Pres. Obama’s speech to the senate/house, etc., I had to turn over to Home Shopping or something, because I could not bear to watch this guy. I also hate being mean and cruel, but to see what has happened to the Republican party now that the facade (seen only by diehard ‘pubs) has been torn down, is a classic study in denial. If we hadn’t been through such heartbreak for the last 8 years, we would surely pity these people.
If the left/right views of a society were placed on a yardstick, with 1 1/2 ft to the left & 1 1/2 ft to the right, this party would be 2 ft. from center (or more). One after another, they keep presenting individuals whom they are convinced that we, the American people (to hell with the rest of the world), will gravitate to. It really hurts to watch. When (and how & where) will it all end (or transform)?
Wow. He’s even got the Obama gestures down.
Eric and I tossed this around in a different thought stream. But here’s how cynical the Republican party is about Obama.
*****
Limbaugh doesn’t trust people. He’s a good Hobbesian — obviously. Look at what he says about “group think.” He says he’s a “thinker” while everyone else is obviously emotionally dumbstruck with Obama’s superficial qualities and drugged with wishful thinking. According to Limbaugh, groups don’t think, individuals like him do.
The scary part is, his partly right. We’re still drugged up with wishful thinking. This is why the Republicans have yet to crack.
Here’s the original chestnut– the “I want Obama to fail” Limbaugh interview with Sean Hannity (Jan. 21, 2009): http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,481484,00.html
LIMBAUGH: We don’t know. See, this is the thing. Now normally we would have — a mainstream media would have vetted this guy and we would know this. We don’t know what he is. That’s the whole point. And people don’t care what he is. They don’t care who he is.
They care that he’s black. They care that he’s historic. They care that — they think he’s an intellectual because of the way he speaks. And it’s all about how he speaks. And I look at some of the facial expressions of people when they’re watching the guy, and it’s frightening.
But I’m a thinker. A lot of people, I guess, aren’t. People are emotional and they react emotionally to things, and if he makes them feel good, especially in economic bad times, then that’s all they’re really going to care about.
hahahaha!!! brilliant article and responses…. i needed the laugh 🙂
Snort!
This is the same little twit who garnered his gubernatorial win by regaling Christocrats with tales of having helped perform an exorcism in his college dorm. Every time I think of that story, I remember Tammy Faye Baker’s childhood attempt to raise a chicken she found in her mothers refrigerator from the dead by anointing it with cooking oil and “calling it forth.”
At least after eight years of ‘delusional’ now we know it when we see it; even FOX News had a WTF moment in response.
So I’m not the only one.
He was on Meet the Press Sunday. It was 1AM Monday when I saw it so maybe I was just tired but I could swear he said we needed to cut taxes on capital gains. I didn’t realize capital gains still existed.
For what it’s worth, I laughed out loud when I read this post. Needed that.
I caught a glimpse of “down with the kids” Jindal on Sky News the other night.
I was trying to figure out if this guy was a glove puppet or a more sophisticated
animatronic. God Bless the Republicans. Reeks of desperation.
Were it so simple………..
*sigh”
………we could put him on eBay with Barbie and collect laughs.
And since collectable purchases are down with the economy perhaps then, he would simply be put out with the rest of the rubbish in the non-recyclable bin.
LOL!