Naming Her

Sunday, Feb. 3 — two days after my birthday — was my first Imbolc celebration, the time of “fire in the belly.” That day we named the 100-year-old eastern-facing Saucer Magnolia tree growing right outside my bedroom window Celeste Raven Auk. She is now my guardian. And I have Eric Francis and Planet Waves to thank for this.

Yes, this probably sounds crazy. But look at where I came from. On Imbolc days past, as a child I always thought it strange that the day after my birthday — Candlemas Day — we had to go to church to get our throats blessed with two white crossed candles.

The Candlemas tradition stemmed from Imbolc in that it honored a form of fire, but now included the commemoration of a martyr: St. Blaise, an early sixth-century Armenian bishop who rescued a boy choking on a fish bone. Blaise’s martyrdom, cruel and sadistic as most deaths of saints were depicted, earned him his sainthood. Thus it exemplified the many facets of my childhood, full of guilt, death and terror on the page and in real life.

Flash forward fifty years. 2012 was a Totentanz, a “Dance of Death,” for me and the people around me. When asked this year what I wanted for my birthday, I knew I didn’t want dinner at a fancy restaurant lavished with presents, or a day-long brunch throwing down mimosas with the girls. Both would have been nice, but we’ve been there so often. This year, I wanted renewal.

I sent out an email that said:

I have been thinking a lot about what this coming year means to me, where I want to be, what I have done, what I am becoming, and what I want to do because of it. In all honesty, I don’t need the party hats and especially not the cake. I am going to be 58 years old and I want my birthday to be something special and different, that only you can provide.

As for presents, and for the purpose of building a shrine and blessing the home, this is what I would love and appreciate: blooming indoor or outdoor orchids in pots; old junk jewelry you want to give away; hand-written prayers and meditations to hang on the the tree. I would also especially love and appreciate seeds or seedlings for food plants like collards, lettuces, carrots and herbs. I want these presents to be brought with your whole heart, because their energy will be living with me. My goal is to make my home a living garden that will help sustain me and help others to succeed throughout the year. With the help of your energy, we can make that happen. I want this birthday, in effect, to be an act of “Imece.”

I invited friends from my creative community of actors, writers, theater technicians and event planners — women who have been through big life changes this last year. We sat underneath the magnolia tree, which was just starting to blossom, and I asked us to share what we were grateful for. This last year, each woman in the circle experienced big and profound loss: a lover, a job, a parent, yet were able to articulate beautifully what they were thankful for. The air of that circle from the stories we shared was dense with a powerful loveliness. I felt pregnant in my heart.

With that energy collected, we gathered and circled around the tree. Since I lived with this magnolia so long, I had no objectivity in giving her a good name, so I asked my circle of women to help. When my friend Rhodessa told me what name they had decided on — Celeste Raven Auk — my heart opened wide. This was a name with the stars and two birds: the auk, a flightless water bird that swims far offshore and deep into the water, and the raven — the mythological trickster who is bright and intelligent.

We all put our hands on Celeste and asked her into our circle, to protect me, comfort me, and guide me to my larger self and purpose. In naming Celeste, people who love me have also named me. I was renewed.

Around the time I was approaching my fifties I had my first reading by Eric, who connected Imbolc to my solar return, and who asked without asking if I was a witch. He also gave me a suggestion that changed my life: begin blogging. Write my ass off. My natal Mercury was in a powerful place to communicate on a global scale. From there, I worked as a blogger for the general election of 2004, and the rest you see here now as Fe-911.

This is not to say that subscribing to Planet Waves’s horoscopes will turn you into a tree-loving pagan, but I know as I get older that the experiences I have had throughout my whole life led me to this place in the sunlight called Planet Waves; with The Medea Project; at the International Body Music Festival; and traveling, still traveling.

Life’s journey is a means to define you as you move forward, making your life yours and no one else’s. While young I saw a lot of death and darkness. Not just from my upbringing, but throughout my life. And we see that darkness in our communities, our country and the world. Yet as Eric said to me: it is in my chart to take death and turn it into life. That is a touchstone I reach for as I walk this life. It’s a good thing Planet Waves is here to help me do it.

So here we are, one solar return later, with lots of motherfuckers in Congress; the battle for guns, reproductive choice, and invasion of your individual privacy rages in this wild and wooly Digital Age. Glad I have my girls, Celeste my priestess tree, Eric and Planet Waves at my side. Gotta go out now and make some trouble.