The Pisces Conversation

14 thoughts on “The Pisces Conversation”

1. Greetings Eric:

   I’ve been reading everyone’s comments and notice that there seem to be many of us who’ve been having a rough time for several years. The past ten years have been very difficult on a personal level and I’d started to wonder if that was the way it was going to be for the rest of my time on the planet. No relief, just difficult times.

   Pisces, Taurus rising, Gemini moon.

   Many discoveries and decisions over the past 3-4 years. I can’t be very specific on time as it runs together for me and what I think may have been a few months ago could have been a year or two or maybe more.

   Decision: I had to terminate a couple friendships, one of long standing, out of self-preservation. I felt like I was being sucked dry and I didn’t seem to have the stamina anymore to deal with them. And I not only didn’t feel I could, but I didn’t want to. It wasn’t working for me and I’d had enough. It was hard, and I did feel guilty, but it was time for an ending on that front. Got tired of being used. And it wasn’t okay to be treated like that.

   Discovery: I realized I’ve been absorbing everyone’s energy. Actually it was something you wrote that clued me in. I can’t give you an exact quote, but it was on one of the Pisces horoscopes that you stated: to be aware of what’s yours and what isn’t, or to be aware that that’s not yours. I had one of those AHA moments and thought, well that would certainly explain a lot. I’ve been aware of being empathetic since I learned the definition of the word when I was just a pup, but I had No Idea that I was absorbing from others (not known to me personally), completely involuntarily. So I did some research and it seems I’m a walking sponge. I have learned to protect myself a little and now know when I suddenly find myself in The-Pit to ask myself if that’s mine (90% of the time it is not) and I do thank you very sincerely for that.

   Discovery: I’ve realized it’s okay to be angry. That doesn’t mean I act on or act out on the anger, just acknowledge that it’s there and it’s okay to feel that way.

   Discovery: I’m tired of presenting myself as less than I am just so I don’t make other people uncomfortable. (Why I make some/a lot of people uncomfortable I haven’t figured out. I try to always deal kindly with everyone)
   Decision: Well, I’m not really sure what to do about that. On a personal level I guess I’ll have to be even more careful than I already am about who I associate with, but on a work/external world level I don’t know what to do. It can be dangerous, as I’ve had personal experience with people who can be very vindictive and determined to wreck havoc. (run away, run away!)

   Discovery: If you’re empathetic and in the body on the planet right now you must be very strong to be able to stay sane and/or not become self-destructive.

   Since Obama was elected president I’ve noticed a lightening of the ether. Is that just me? During the nightmare that was the Bush years I felt a black cloud hanging over the entire planet. When Obama was elected I thought, finally, finally people are starting to wake up. I think many have gone back to sleep since then, but maybe just a nap this time and not for long, instead of a coma. For the first time in a long time I find myself hopeful. And determined. I want a world at peace, with compassion and sharing as a matter of course. For those of us who feel that way IT’S OUR TURN.

   I’ve just had/am having/will shortly have my second Saturn return. (3-3-52) I don’t actually know what that means, but lucky for me/us you’re going to explain in Cosmic Confidential. It’s not like I haven’t researched and read what I could find, but I want to tell you that I haven’t come across anyone who can explain/teach things as well as you have the Gift to do. Another Thank You.

   Greetings P-W readers. All the Best to all of you.

   Lynda

2. Pisces sun, Gemini rising, Sagg moon (3/5/75).
   Goodness, where do I even start? I’m immensely busy. I finished all the cheap community college credits I was allowed to transfer and brought them to Rutgers this fall. It’s not actually any more difficult but somehow I’m feeling it as more exhausting and I’m really having to look closer at how I manage my time and where my energy goes. Still, just being here has changed the trajectory of my future – while I was preparing to teach music I was wrestling with these constant fantasies of teaching history to inner city kids. So before registering for spring classes I switched my major to history, and on Friday I got to attend a symposium on urban youth with a bunch of really incredible panelists, and actually have an open and frank discussion on race and class and their affects on kids and their families and communities. The latent desire in me to work for social justice blossomed rather aggressively, like spring in the desert. I felt so energized by it, but at the same time I’m working with that old familiar feeling of impatience. Screw school, I wanna teach NOW (never mind that I’d be utterly unprepared if I tried)! I’ve been working with that particular theme a lot lately, actually, as I learn music theory and piano and have to accept being really bad at things for awhile while I improve. It’s still a struggle, but it’s easier than it’s ever been and I run screaming into avoidance mode somewhat less quickly. Learning to be motivated by my goals rather than overwhelmed by the seeming impossibility of them is relatively new territory for me. Gifted kids get a lot of perfection expectations foisted on them & I’m learning that that’s actually a relatively common response.

   About a year ago, I finally found a community of women after 8 pretty lonely years in NJ, which filled a giant void in my life. Thank goodness for Alicia Starkweather and her Red Tent Temple movement!

   I got married in March of ’08, and have really been enjoying the newlywed stage, which I never really had with my first husband. It feels incredible to be part of a mutually supportive team and to be able to be fully myself no matter what, and to be in a partnership based on growth and exploration. Not to mention getting to be with my best friend every day. I was pretty convinced, when my marriage ended, that what I wanted was a fantasy & I’ve never been so glad to be wrong. We’ve had plenty of challenges over the past year or so, but it never feels like something we can’t handle. Marrying a Gemini with a Sagg moon was a good move – finally, someone who likes to process verbally as much as I do!

   That said, I’ve done a lot of difficult work over the past few years. I finally found a good therapist and have managed to move a lot of old stuff that was so buried I didn’t even really know it was there. I feel a lot more whole, and a lot more capable of happiness. Also, I know it’s not a very popular concept around here, but getting my brain chemistry all sorted out made a huge difference too. Depression runs pretty strong through my family and for years I was trapped in this asinine shame mentality where I thought it was nobler to suffer unmedicated and bludgeon myself with therapy than to submit to western medicine as if doing so were some kind of weakness, and just learn to be happy. I was so stuck in depression that I was incapable of the flexible thinking required to move forward therapeutically. I think I’ve made more progress in the last 4 months than I had in the last 4 years.

   It’s a good thing, because parenting a teen is taking every little thing I’ve learned and tested it to the limit. She’s a good kid and she’s got to make her mistakes and I’ve got to give her the space to do it, while setting reasonable limits for her neurological development level. Trying not to dirty the water with my perfectionism has been a real struggle, too. But when she tells me things like all her friends wish I were their mom because I’m so open and honest and nice, it really makes it easier when it comes time to say no and face several days of closed bedroom door (Aries, Scorpio rising, 12th house Libra moon child – couldn’t I have held her in for just a little longer?!).

   This is such a tiny bit of the picture, but ultimately I guess I’d sum up by saying there’s been a hell of a lot of movement in my life over the past 5 years or so and I’m in territory so different that I’m not really sure I would have recognized it back then, but it’s all been good movement and I’m starting to feel like I have a pretty good handle on this life thing, and am generally more able to face it with clarity, curiosity and good humor (generally, not always).

3. Late Aquarius Rising so 1st house Sun (10 deg Pisces); Aries point moon.

   12 year Jupiter cycle concluding; Pluto finishing 10th house sojourn (2 deg cap = 11th house); Saturn still in 7th house for next 6-8 months (lib/virgo/lib); Uranus in 1st opp Pluto and Uranus in 7th.

   The spiritual journey of discovering wholeness, the I Am within, began in earnest as a conscious choice with Jupiter in Pisces 12 years ago. Feel that self-healing is completed to a large degree during this period and find my focus has shifted to the world at large – transition beginning with Saturn moving over the 7th house horizon opp. Ascendant.
   10th house Pluto transit moved me through a successful career in the first few years and then had me evaluate – at a core level – who I wanted to be and how best to serve. Redefined me as my self-belief in my abilities increased through trying different work possibilities. As this transit ends, I am moving into new work, finding the confidence and excited about collaborations / partners (11th house Pluto next year) and see that my network has been expanding in the last 2 years.
   Saturn in 7th: Relationships that reflected my limited self-beliefs were over-and-over a mirror to drawing inward, forgiving within and finding a way to be with others. My relationship to each family member experienced a 180 change – old dynamics, resentments, issues aired and cleared as I learned to expect what I truly deserve in respectful interaction. Moved into a new home 7 months ago – a space that I’m treating as an extension of my body, filled with joy and love and color – expressive of self; a true home to relax into. True help and solid support were offered by those who understand deeper spiritual journey. Serious business partnerships begun since 2008 with down-to-earth, appreciative people whom I am deeply grateful for.
   Natal 1st house Sun has always seemed to point towards trusting the deep inner core and understanding the I Am at many different levels – Uranus transit lit a fire under that process this last 6 years and has facilitated self-healing/growth. Recently find that I have the courage to articulate my deep beliefs more and more in public discussions as I trust what I have always known within; greater intimacy with people/friends/self.
   Now watching for the Uranus opp Uranus/Pluto (1st vs 7th) transit. Recent stark angle transits of 1st, 7th, 10th houses with a Pluto Sq Natal moon at Aries point currently.
   All adds up to: I am awake, have clarity and strongly aware of serving my purpose from a place of joy within and lovingly creating experiences in my world. Looking forward to seeing what these experiences could be….. can imagine some but feel that it is beyond current imagining as all of this moves with ascension energies and ready/prepared to flow with these new energies.

4. Somebody once told me that Aquarians are extraterrestrials who are on the planet waiting for their spaceship to pick them up and take them home. I have come to think of Pisceans as having the same fate.

   I feel that 2008-2009 were really variations of the same theme: relationships. Not only with other people but also our relationship with the world and the concepts of the world in general. As a Piscean it is natural for me to fade into the background and watch others make my dreams a reality but not until this year did I see my influence in the manifestation of these dreams. The one component missing from the experience was the ego’s involvement in taking full credit. Being 2-3 steps ahead from everyone sometimes is not good. It became important for me to see where my own contribution affected the overall picture.

   Relationships with people who only expressed back an old, outdated image of myself, fell apart, mostly painfully. My inner guide urged me to move forward and to trust that whatever was happening was divinely ordered and that if it seemed absurd it had to be divine. So I lifted my foot off the gas pedal and let old relationships take me to places unknown because my resistance was worn out. Old relationships reminded me of who I was in the past and who I had become in order to satisfy the creation of a life that someone else was often directing.

   So the lessons of the year were painfully gained but they were not new: Accept myself fully, the dark and the light parts of my personality. Learn to sometimes be a ‘bad boy’ and do things that were stopping my growth in the past because of old programming. And trust that several years of spiritual lessons and intuition bootcamp were enough to build an exoskeleton for the future me that will only align me with the true path of my life.

   I’m still mourning for the loss of the past. However, I know that I have finally the skills to not only visit the love-filled parts of the past that are still worthy of visiting, but also to create my life with the understanding that the universe is always eager to fulfill my dreams. Just not in the same way as I perceive she does for other people. And finally, I don’t always need to have my dreams fulfilled in the eyes of someone else in order to feel validated in this life.

   Not a bad 2 years I guess.

5. I am a Pisces sun, Capricorn rising (March 11, 1964). I think I have spent the last 5 or 6 years of my life waiting for something to happen professionally and relationship wise. Both areas have been characterised by a lack of commitment , sometimes mine, sometimes others.

   Professionally I had a very quiet year in 2008 – it started off promising but then stalled as I waited and waited for an opportunity I really wanted (taking a permanent job with a client) only to see it fall through by the end of the year. A different opportunity with another company came my way a short time later (started April 2009). I was so disappointed about losing the first opportunity, I tried to hold onto it by continuing to do some work for my client. But that ended in disaster in July 2009 because ultimately I was unable to balance the demands of a full time employer, my family and the part time client. I had continued to hope that would come back to me. All that happened is that I lost a lot of goodwill with the client and the working relationship ended abruptly and unhappily. I continued to try and keep in contact with the client, but in the last few weeks I have finally accepted the loss of that relationship and learnt a lesson about letting go!

   This has been a bit of a pattern for me – I have been trying to find a place for myself professionally that ticks all the boxes since my eldest son was born almost 16 years ago. In the meantime I had another three children and as I write that, I wonder why I ever thought I could do both! At times it sort of worked, at other times I have been very unhappy (I guess it is the Capricorn rising – my work is so integral to how I see myself).

   In the last four years in particular I have had short term opportunities that I would have liked to have made more permanent but for one reason or another, usually lack of budget, the promised permanent opportunity has not materialised (that has happened twice). By the end of last year I felt desperately stuck.
   I don’t feel so stuck now though. I feel like I am moving, that I have made lots of progress this year. I have developed an enormous amount of confidence these last months. So much so that I feel like a different person professionally. My clients have always liked me, but generally even I like myself and where I am professionally! Interestingly this has developed in an environment where there are people who are spiritually connected and whom I am sure I have known in a past life. So there is a sense of being in the right place this time. I am uncertain about what I will do next, but I feel like I will find a place where I can make a difference, and grow, one way or another.

   My relationships continue to be fraught, but less so than a couple of years back – the more independent and confident I have become, the less support I need from the men in my life, the more I can handle what in the past I would have felt as loneliness. At the core is my own unwillingness to let go of myself (again) in a marriage where I have experienced quite a bit of disappointment (along the lines of feeling unsupported and alone – a widow to corporate life and married to a man who is adored at the office but finds it hard to be grown up on the domestic front – in the boring sense of sharing responsibility for kids and the house).

   So the last 5 years have been characterised by me being extremely honest with myself as I have discovered my “truths” about the relationship that I wasn’t aware of, and a side of myself that I never knew existed. At the same time, I have not wanted to share those discoveries with my husband, so there has been a real lack of honesty and intimacy in our relationship – I sort of prefer to have my own world which I can retreat to – a place that is my own.

6. It’s been a whirlwind couple of years with my Pisces Sun, 29 Libra Ascendant (conjunct Pluto and Saturn) and Aries Moon.

   While Uranus has been kicking my ass for years, spurring me on to reinvent, rejuvenate and transform myself in and out, these last couple of years have been the most pivotal and i dare say most exciting, despite moments of pretty intense upheaval.

   While Uranus has been edging me out of my shell, Saturn in Virgo really gave me the old heave-ho. While i once spent more than my fair share of time introspective and enjoying the freedom of my own time and my own mind, i now value the presence and input of the people around me so much more, and have found a new balance between social and relationship, with my personal inner world. i feel more confident in my own boots, more assured of my place in the world, and i understand where i fit amongst the people around me. All those old subtle frustrating feelings of anxiety at the thought of being thrust into social situations after being ensconced so deeply in my inner world have been overhauled and rid of – all those little niggling annoyances of worry and fear and ‘what if’ and uncertainty have finally left town! Oh the relief… Now i’m up for new things, happy to plunge into the deep and and live fluid.

   From word go, Saturn in Virgo brought me a succession of short, yet powerful intimate relationships where i learnt each time what wasn’t working, what i really wanted and was looking for in the opposite sex. As it has been transiting through my natal 11th house, my networks and friendship groups have blossomed.

   Fed up with the day to day, I dropped everything back home here in Australia, and ventured outward to the big wide world with nothing but the clothes on my back, a guitar and a saxophone, winding up in SE Asia, Europe and then the US for over 8 months. Met the love of my life in New York City thanks to a chance meeting of a mutual friend in Thailand. It was a succession of fated fortuities that got the both of us in the same room together, leading to a love at first sight meeting. Making a hord of new friends and a large network of actors, writers and musos, I stayed in New York not wanting to leave ever, heading back to Oz for a few months for visa and $$ reasons, before heading back to for another stint earlier this year. We recently ended up shacking up in a secluded cabin a half hour outside Duluth, MN for two months, reconnecting and revitalising with the natural world. Not a bad preparation for Saturn’s ingress into my 12th house.

   Anyway, it’s been a rapid year. I’ve learned a lot about people – those in my immediate circle, new faces that have appeared out of nowhere, and about myself as a result – where i fit, how i operate, and where i go from here.

   I’m back in Oz now awaiting my girlfriend to join me in January (unlike the US. it’s very easy for Americans to gain a 12 month work holiday visa over here!).

   Saturn in Virgo has left me feeling like everything is set up, and i’m poised and ready for whatever comes next. With Jupiter heading for Pisces, i’ve got a feeling the 2010 is going to yield some very interesting moments – most of them exciting, many of them unnerving, but all of them necessary and amazing in their own right.

7. Aquarius Sun, Pisces Rising, Aquarius Mars, Pisces Venus. Mars, Venus, Saturn, Chiron all 12th house Pisces and Aquarius.

   I missed the call for Aquarius because I am deluged with work. Seems like all the projects I would normally have gotten since 2008 were backed up behind a dam that just broke loose around this Autumnal Equinox.

   2008 was a very frustrating year for me – work slowed to a stop, but I kept working to find work (water resources consulting). I finally gave up on that around fall of 2008 (might as well try and have some fun! – the inexpensive kind). In 2009, I started out doing projects that weren’t in alignment with my core values and ended up more frustrated. Around the June Solstice 2009, I quit doing that. That shifted something very deep and work started slowing coming in, gaining speed until now I am overwhelmed by it all. A little flow adjustment to the system would help!

   I’ve had some big shifts in relationship as well since mid-2008. My husband and I attended 2 NVC (non-violent or compassionate communication) workshops during the summer of 2008. A practice group formed in our community and we attend that monthly. Using my NVC tools for connecting through communication, I have noticed benefits to all of my relationships. Learning NVC with my husband has shown major benefits to my marriage and my relationship with my 5-year old.

   I’ve made many new discoveries on a personal level over the past 2 years. NVC has helped me identify feelings and especially needs more clearly, giving me a better understanding of how to meet my needs. I found Planet Waves, which has increased my insights into astrology patterns and verified some that I already suspected.
   Since the fall equinox, I have been noticing an increase in synchronicities and psychic activity in my life. It feels I am developing stronger connections with people – so that in spite of what feels like increasing chaos in the world, I have these stronger connections providing support.

   I started doing naturopathic self-care over 6 years ago, and that has empowered me with respect to my health. I have learned that I have natural healing ability for myself and others, and the earth. My health and well-being continues to improve as I age. I’ve also been exploring other metaphysical subjects and incorporating chakra meditations, energy work, and awareness practices into my life. It has been challenging balancing my work as a scientist with my love for exploring the unseen. I have managed to slowly weave these things together and am realizing the power of integrating energetic healing with physical healing – with my own body, and with the sacred waters of the earth.

8. I thought you would never ask! My name’s Liza, my birthday is March 1, 1969.

   First, I’d like to say thank you. I appreciate your clarity of thought, and your kind words and guidance. You’ve been giving excellent advice to Pisces, and I’ve been following it. My house is organized, de-cluttered, clean. I’ve been disciplined. I eat well. I go to the gym three times a week.

   That said, I feel like a coke bottle that’s been shaken but the lid is still on.

   Maybe that’s because I haven’t been in a relationship in years (not by choice!). Or because I’ve only had sex once this year – he was a triathlete, and I’m proud of that – but I am NOT ok with this lack of intimacy.

   Maybe it’s because I recently lost a job working on a farm, I loooooved that job and I’m really hurt and missing it.

   Or maybe it’s because over the last five years, I wrote a book that I think can help children everywhere but I haven’t been able to find an agent or publisher. Maybe it’s because I want so desperately to make a living by writing, which I’ve felt destined to do since I myself was a child, but I’m not there yet. I can see it off in the distance, but it’s not my reality so far.

   Maybe it’s because my mind is an endless loop, wondering about humanity, and my role on this earth. I see the divine everywhere I look, I feel surrounded. I think I know my purpose, but it is not fulfilled. And what if I’m wrong? Sometimes I think I know things, I’m so sure, but then it turns out I’m just flat-out wrong. What if I’m wrong now about what my purpose is supposed to be?

   Perhaps I feel like I’m about to explode is because I know that I working toward something, that I’m gathering steam, that I’m building a platform – I know this, but it is still around the corner, just out of reach. Like men in my life.

   Or it could be that lack of touch makes a girl crazy. Every day I think that I can’t take it anymore, but every day I wake up and I’m not broken.

   You said that the lessons in my life are not haphazard, neither are the rewards for my hard work. I’m counting on you to be correct, Eric, because if you’re wrong about that, I think I really will break.

9. Hey Eric and all my fellow Pisceans –

   First off I love how detailed and long so many of our Piscean posts are. So glad I’m not the only one who has gone through a TON of stuff the last year! 🙂

   Moving on from my Aquarius Ascendant standpoint to my year as a Pisces. I’m a Pisces Sun (21 deg), Juno in Pisces (00 deg), Mercury in Pisces (9 deg), Aquarius Moon (26 deg), and Aquarius rising (19 deg). There may be a lot of overlap with my Aquarius post, but I am trying to differentiate the two as best I can.

   One big transit for me as a Pisces was the Saturn – Uranus opposition, which involved my Sun with Saturn opposite my Sun and Uranus conjunct my Sun. Change has been a major theme the last two years – changing of the structures in my life (particularly relationshipwise) and changing of my internal structures. Friends, lovers, things I love fell away. There was a stripping away of my outdated sense of who I was as an individual, outdated relationships and the community I called my friends. This year was about awareness, growth, progress, healing, finding my power, learning to have clear boundaries, authentic communication, balance in relationships, internal balance and a better relationship with myself. There was major awareness and change to my internal framework/patterns, which may have been more attributed to Chiron transiting my Aquarius Ascendant and Moon than things going on with my Pisces side. I also let go of trying to control the world, let go of need and found objectivity and awareness. This year has also been about healing recent wounds, old wounds, childhood wounds, and I think wounds from another life time or from my ancestors.

   The process started back in June 2007. I came home from living abroad and traveling to find my brother suicidal and I began an unhealthy relationship with someone who I connected with on the deepest of levels but who had his own deep wounds he needed to heal before he could begin to understand how to be a healthy partner (and I had my own journey to go on). My brother got help in September of 2007 after 2 attempts to take his life; I didn’t finally address the damage this had done and heal from this experience until this year. The relationship I was in ended very quickly (began in June and ended in September), then began again in April 2008. I won’t go into all the details to save space but there were a lot of wounds this guys gave me from manipulation, dishonesty and him not taking responsibility for his actions. At this time I was too afraid to have an honest conversation with him and I never set good healthy boundaries for myself. With this guy there was always a sense of uncertainty and urgency to make the relationship stronger, as if it was very fragile and the smallest move would shatter it. I was deeply terrified of failing and not getting the result I wanted – which was being together. In the end I had to accept the “failure” to be true to myself. I had to come to terms with and make peace with the failure of the relationship. I learned that the world doesn’t end because something you wanted with every fiber of your being doesn’t succeed and that just because bad/hurtful things happen the world does end and life won’t be endlessly horrible. In fact, life can still turn around and be pretty good and I became a stronger person for it.

   In January 2009, I hit rock bottom from the terrible relationship that I was in. I woke up one day and realized my soul was dying (already mostly dead), my heart was already broken in a thousand piece and I was no longer living my life instead just trying to simply exist each day in hopes that at some unknown time in the future I would be a happy and alive person again. I felt like I had lost myself and I set out on a journey to refind myself. Really what I was doing was shedding the old-outdated model of myself, learning the lessons I needed to learn, growing into the new me and solidifying those fragmented pieces into a strong, new powerful me. I ended the romantic relationship which had started me on this journey, but at this point was hindering my growth and sought out help from an Energy/Spiritual healer who taught me how energy works and how to work with and tune into my energy and the energy in the Universe. Then in May of 2009 I found astrology and Planet Waves, which has helped me understand the astrological energies at work in the Universe, how to work with those energies, and also has helped me transition into new, more aware ways of relating.

   In 2007/2008 I was receiving data but I wasn’t processing it. I wasn’t truly aware or seeing what the Universe was trying to teach me. In 2009, I began to actually process and understand the data I was receiving from the Universe, I was actually seeing with another level of being, I gained awareness and I understood what was coming in.

   This year the unconscious became conscious. At times I felt literally plugged into the Universe and I was downloading all this stuff about myself, my unconscious patterns, my unconscious wounds, the wounds that were buried deep inside, things from my childhood that caused negative patterns and reactions, insight about life, insight about my parents, insight about the people around me. This information would just pop into my head as I would go through my every day routine or when I was sleeping. I would lie awake more nights than I can count, plugged into the Universe downloading all this information and processing all of it – my brain was just a whirl and wouldn’t shut up until I fully processed what it wanted me to process. (This especially occurred during the eclipses) When Saturn changed signs this stopped or slowed down for the most part.

   Over the past two years I’ve experienced great internal pressure pushing me in a direction toward awareness, growth and progress. The internal pressure started in 2007, but really picked up in 2008 through October 2009. This pressure felt very uncomfortable, like there was something I had to do or discover and until I made the change or took the necessary steps a screw inside of me turned tighter and tighter increasing the pressure until unbearable levels. The internal pressure pushed me to keep searching for answers in regards to the awareness and growth I was gaining, it led me toward energy healers to learn of the energy people possess and the energy of the Universe and it pushed me, in my search for answers and growth, to find Planet Waves.

   I spent a good portion of this year energetically and emotionally drained, exhausted and immersed in my inner world of growth and discovery. Had very little time or energy for my external world (except I had plenty of drive for relationships – they were a major teaching tool the Universe used). Also spent most of the year fragmented, unclear about who I am, in a constant state of inner flux and change. Though this may more have been my Aquarius experience. See Aquarius post for my details about this fragmentation.

   This year was also a major healing year – healed from an awful, damaging relationship, healed from when my brother was suicidal, healed from childhood wounds, and maybe even healed from wounds I had inherited from previous generations. End of May 2009 (which if I remember right was around the time of the Chiron-Juptier-Neptune conjunction that was conjunt my Moon) I began a very healing relationship where I learned how to have very scary discussions and dialogues without any fear but just holding space for compassion, understanding and healing. I was able to heal from the previous relationship, heal from the wounds from when my brother was suicidal and heal from childhood wounds that were deep in the recesses of my psyche. I grew into an authentic communicator, and to communicate not from a place of fear but from a place of objectivity, compassion and holding space for the other person to also be present and authentic.

   As this year progressed I learned to state my truth, be authentic (being truthful with myself about my feelings and needs and stating those to the people around me), and not worry about losing my tribe for being 100% me (those that are good for me will stay and those that don’t fit me will fall away). I gained a new commitment to myself and my truths. Learned to own my relationships and experiences and to honestly express my feelings. Also, learned new ways of relating in relationships and to relate on adult terms not parent/child model. I found my power and inner strength. And discovered my power to be a creative force in my life.

   As I changed, I stopped holding my tongue in situations where the old me would of. Once I started stating my truth and being true to me, I couldn’t go back. The old me used to hold my tongue when things bothered me as to not rock the boat. Now I’ll rock the whole ocean to state my truth.

   Beginning in October and then taking off when Saturn changed signs and Squared Pluto it felt like I snapped around a corner and snapped into focus. I feel solid (no more fragmentation; it’s like the fragmented pieces of me came together and locked into place to form me), strong in who I am, owning my life, I feel like I have found my power, I feel focused; and reliable and dedicated friends who follow through have come out of the woodwork (now that I have changed the community, which I learned through my journey is very important to me, has adjusted to better fit the new me). I love the things I am passionate about and for the first time in a long time I don’t feel like I am just floating, but that I am moving in a direction with purpose and the ability to be a creative force in my life. It’s like the system pre-Saturn in Libra was dysfunctional and when Saturn changed signs the system started functioning. I think a big part of this was ALL the work I had been doing learning the lessons I needed to learn and shedding the skins I need to shed got me to this new life.

   I am a completely different person now than a year ago. I’ve come fully into my being – owning my power, owning myself, owning my experience of life, owning my relationships – by being aware and standing in my truth and being the creative force in my life. I have let go of old, outdated modes of relating to others and myself and formed new, more aware ones. And I am interacting with the world and the people in my life in a way that a year ago I never could have even envisioned.

   Thank you Eric for letting us share our journeys!

10. Aloha

    My pisces sun is in my 5th house and I have a libra rising. First and and by far the most. I had saturn conj my natal pluto(virgo) in my 12th house. My life will never me the same. Every thing is different now. It was a long hard two years. Luckily, I was turned on to your site and through this I starting communicating with Priya (what an Angel). During this transet-ion. I turned to your site and hers to listen and learn. I found nuggets of compassion and insight as I learned more about myself during this very lonesome time in my life. I can not tell you the universal sync that I felt from your words and images throughout this time. Whether it being a Grateful Dead acknowledgement ( I seen the boys 150 times, I am fortunate enough to have had many Merry Prankster experiences and when I go home to Oregon we all get together to talk about “whats next”) or that picture of the minature poddle that look like my dog when i was a youth when i was was going through a regression of age in my life and at that time i was feeling 7 years old. I also have Uran (libra ) in my 12th house. This year I have learned the beauty of solitude and how I can learn more about my libra rising by doing more of what I truly love (venus 3rd house cap) So I have spent many hours reading and a good amount of time writing ( alittle more each day) I re-read Dante and Homer and lightbulbs began to flash as I connected to the stories but more to the authors. I just got done doing a 6 week astrology course with Antero ( he speaks very nicely of you-as he should) he helped learn so much about myself. he helped me to see about my north node and how its in my 4th house in aqur and how I can better understand this aqur sign through my natal uran in my 12th house ( more solitude with nature- wow I live in Maui since two weeks after 911, I wanted to leave the country when Bush stole the election but I was still to addicted to money, my status and other things- that are great in moderation! Come to find out Hawaii is another country that The US just occupied for Military operations) Back to the fourth house north node-23 degree which conj moon-18 degree and also mercury-26 degree . All of this is getting worked over my the Jupiter-Chiron-Neptune transition i guess once over was not enough so it retrograted over it again and is now moving back. This has been a healing and re-adjusting of my whole life thing going on. Things are trin my asc and sex my des and opp and quin my midhaven. I have also had Uran trin my midhaven. Priya really helped me understand My prog moon that was going over my midhaven and helped me have the courage to change careers at the beginning of this year. I should have 6 months earlier but I had not learned my lesson well enough yet. The main thing I learned this year is the true value of my family ( my wife of 15 years who I meet at her first grateful dead show-Thank You Jerry! I have a 3 year old virgo boy named Syden and my mom and 2 sisters really helped me through this tough time mentally and financially- as a picses you know that people just do not get us most of the time but my family loves first and for this I am fortunate) I took a cermonial magick class from a gentleman named Lon Milo Duquette while I did a 23 day juice fast that began with 10 days of colonic therapy for my 38th birthday this year. I am born on the 23rd. Just in the last month I have had 5 friends tell me of serious colon problems they are having. Many times I feel a step ahead as long as I listen to the Universe. For this I am Grateful for My Health. In the magick class which my wife thought I was crazier then ever. I quite going to the mainland for work and sat around the house for months reading and fasting, doing tarot readings ( thanks for that one you shared I had a powerful reading with that spread and outlook- wish i had it somewhere) and of course magick. I had never been so broke in my life- Mentally-Physically-Spirtually- Soulfully and Financially! During a fast the previous year I had a vision of a Man in the woods with a Ravens upper body and a Wolfs head. I didn’t give it much thought untill I met Lon and he started talking to me about my Holy Guardian Angel. When he said this I new what this vision was. During the class i connected with W.O.R.M ( wolf on raven man) This worm thing came about because of a powerful ayahuasca experience I had 4 years ago were I saw a worm like figure moving back and forth in front of my face for many hours passing knowledge on to me ( all about the health of my body- a few months later I stopped drinking a miracle most say 20 years hard everyday) My attention of my magick was to find a stable job on maui. About 3 weeks after I asked the universe for a stable job on maui one came to me. It is a sales job that pays me very well and my boss lives in another state, I have an assistant that does my paperwork and a shipping company that drops off my product. I love magick! I also signed up for school and because of my financial donkey punch I got a bunch of free money and I am back in school getting my degree in secondary education. All and all if it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger could be the theme of the year. Once again I would like to thank you again for all the time and energy that you give Humanity! your work is inspiring to say the least! I told you I was lonesome this year, this was true but only because I choose to exile myself. My friends are always Family and my family is always there for me and what I learned this year is that this is all I truly need. I am asking Santa Claus for a reading from you for next year when you come down from from all the channeling of the new year. i will look forward to this moment!
    Once again Mahalo, for your time and energy!
    Bobby

11. I am 49 and married to my best friend for 22 years. We have four children, ages 17, 17, 14, and 7. I have been a full time, stay-at-home parent for most of those years because my husband made enough money that I could stay home. He never made more than $45,000 a year.

    I have a Pisces sun, Virgo rising and Capricorn moon. This means I am having my Chiron return.

    From 2001 onward, my life has been in upheaval. I was certifiably infertile but got pregnant in 2001 with my son. When he was 2, my husband left the job he had been working at for over six years because since 2000, his female boss had been intolerably abusive to him and the other office people. The new job was in a town 100 miles away so we had to move. That job lasted 3 months. We felt intense panic and fear. Then my husband got another job in the city we had left so we moved back. That job lasted 5 months. My husband was laid off for a year. The stress of that job and the subsequent unemployment was terrible. He ended up getting another job, again in that city that was 100 miles away. That job lasted about 4.5 months. This time, he was not eligible for unemployment benefits so we went to the food bank, got help from Salvation Army to pay the bills and sold a lot of stuff to pay the rent. After eating with our kids in soup kithcens we all appreciated toilet paper. That time also saw us dealing with mice in our home, scorpions and roaches from the food bank boxes. The stress was unbearable and I fell into a depression that I was unaware of until later.

    I felt like a person under siege and my children reflected the stress we were going through. In 2005, we had started homeschooling because even public school became too expensive with the ten loads of laundry every week, the field trips to pay for, school lunches to pay for and supplies and clothes to pay for. So by 2006, we felt isolated, in a town where people were mean and ignorant (as opposed to the original town where people were nice and educated). We both looked for work each time this happened but with his degree and my long time away from work, he always got hired and I didn’t. He got a temp job for a few months and when that one was done, he was finally eligible for unemployment again. But the temp employer fought the claim and we lost so we had to PAY BACK over $800 in benefits. He got another temp job which ended and then he got a full time job, the 7th one in 3 years in the original city. (These employers seem to love hiring people from out of town). So we moved back again. This was February 2007. That job lasted 4 months. Each time he lost a job, he would come home and quietly throw up. I was no longer able to emotionally handle the stress so I finally tried something I had so far been unable to do; I asked whatever it might be out there (some call it god) to help me deal with it. (Up to then, I never felt like I could believe in god or call upon anyone or anything to help us; I felt alone). I was amazed at the peace I felt. I thought, “I am probably deluding myself but it seems to be working and I feel better, my kids feel better and everyone in the family calmed down so maybe there is something to this.”

    All those jobs were in medicall billing or finance. The collapse of this economy didn’t start happening in 2006 or even 2007…..it started way before that and those working in billing, accounting and finance were feeling the ramifications of it as early as 2000.

    Now my husband has found his calling; he will be doing his student teaching this spring. We love living here but the budget woes here mean the school district will be letting go of 108 teachers so my husband won’t get hired here. That means we will have to uproot the kids again and leave the only real hometown they have ever felt happy in. I also feel like I belong here because it is Flagstaff, Arizona and beautiful. People here are kind, intelligent, friendly, have common courtesy and decency in the daily interactions. There are tons of free things for my kids to do that enrich them educationally. Where will we go that will be enough like what we have here that we won’t wilt emotionally?

    Through all this, my relationship with both my husband (he is starting his second Saturn return at 57 and is a Boomer) and my children has only become stronger. We all had only ourselves and we grew closer. My daughters are Generation Y and my son was born in 2002 so I don’t know what they call him yet. I am Generation Jones, born in 1960, a trans-culture kid (TCK) and Army Brat that was born in America but raised in Germany as a child for 2 years and then Okinawa for a year when I was 15. My parents divorced when I was 7, remarried when I was 14, then divorced again when I was 18. I married a Palestinian boy when I was 19 and lived in the occupied West bank village of Jaba’a for five months with no bathroom or running water. He and I divorced with no kids a year later and I had various bad relationships until I got therapy and began to change for the better. I met my current husband when I was 26 and married him in the middle of my Saturn return. It ws the best decision I ever made in my life. We tried for 5 years to have kids and finally, in 1992, we became pregnant with pergonal injections (to make me ovulate) and an IUI (IntraUterine Insemination) with my husband’s sperm. We had twin girls and I begged my husband to let me stay home with them nd not work. Two years later, when I was 34, we tried one more time with the same procedure and got our third daughter; she was born four days before my 35th birthday. We thought we were done but I had my only son in 2002.

    I finally feel at home where I am now and I am going to lose that and I don’t feel secure yet. I am finally having some friends that are joy-givers, intelligent, knowledge-sharers, light-workers and now I have to leave AGAIN. As a TCK, I have always had difficulty making friends because of all those moves and now that I finally have some and a place I love, I am going to have to leave it. I try not to cry in front of the kids because I know they are also unhappy about having to leave here. They also have found profound friends that they love being with that share their vision of making the world a better place. It seems cruel to rip them up from all that.

    My kids have had so much turmoil that they are all conscientious people that care about the environment, humanity, people and animals. They have buy-nothing birthdays, prefer giving instead of receiving, and are close. I am extremely fortunate in them and my husband. He is a sensitive, caring and loving husband and father. I am SO lucky and blessed yet I feel sad that things are going to change when we are finally feeling some security after the storm of the last few years. I feel like I need a place to curl up into and be comforted like a child because I have always been the strong one.

    I help people all the time. Kids come to me and talk to me and I seem to know just what to say to them to help them so i am in college working on a degree for student counseling. My husband and I have been living since 2006 on student loans and our income tax refunds. I coordinate three homneschool groups as information officer and I am the “host” person (the one that orients people to Flagstaff via city-data-forum and e-mails) like host families did to my family when we were in the military. I want so much to make a difference in people’s lives and I have so MUCH knowledge and insight and information that I wish I could find a way to pass on to people but I know I need the societal stamp of approval (a degree) in order to be heard at all. So I share it with my kids, my friends, and people that ask.

    This is what MY life is………the good, the not so good and the amazing. It seems totally on a different track from most people and even from people on Planet Waves or the horoscopes I read here. I don’t know why but I am on a path that doesn’t fit anything I read or hear about for my Pisces sun, Virgo rising, and Capricorn moon.
    Sometimes I feel like I am an alien being in a strange world that is intensely beautiful and wonderful nd all at once strange and yet familiar.

    I have had to hide my smarts my whole life. I have been a 220 volt person in a 110 volt world; always ahead and always fast. I have deep compassion and I am a passionate person, despite my logical and practical side. I seem to extrapolate and know things without knowing how. I can explain hidden concepts to people so easily and I don’t know where I got that ability. I am intuitive and empathic too.

    Where do I fit? What is next for me and for my family whom I love so deeply and guard so naturally and so well?

12. I’m a pisces with libra rising, moon in cancer and saturn at 29 degrees of virgo in the 12th house – at age 58, 59 next spring, i’m experiencing a saturn return. It’s been an ass-kicker these last 3 years, but I finally feel like I’ve got my bearings about the direction I’m going. Plan to open a walk-in store next spring and continue selling at farmer’s market. That means I’m hoping to quit the day job next year. The house of slavery – saturn, and mars in leo are keeping me tied to drudgery to help me straighten out the poor decisions I made the last 2 years. I sort of had it coming because I was hyper-critical of my spouse when he retired and tried to open a business, and lost all of his savings. i’ve met a lot of other people that have done that. At any rate, the investments I’ve made in my property should start to pay off next year finally, and hopefully i can put the cummulative debt to rest. When you are envisioning a barn and greenhouse and store you have to ‘see’ the results, but the price tag can keep you up at night worrying whether it will all go to the tax auction. My spouse does ok too now, with fun side work.

    I’m hoping my health will improve as the year progresses – but will likely be having a hip replacement next year. When I had my right hip replaced, it was a near disaster – so I’m hoping things go better this time. I don’t know – mars in virgo conjunct saturn in virgo – would that be like the worst ever time to plan a hip replacement surgery? Or mars in libra conjunct saturn in libra in my first house – would that be an ideal time? When mars in capricorn was conjunct my natal chiron, i broke my hip, had surgery 10 days later, and the anasthetic failed during the surgery. Thought I’d never recover – and that was January 2007.

    Like Fe, i feel very connected to my rising sign Libra – they are like family most of the time. But the times I have fallen off the cliff in love, it was with Libra too. So part of the time I am cursing libra, part of the time they are my family. I love Aries men too, but i have mars, mercury and venus in aries. Aries men make me feel awesome and like I can kick ass too. ha. Libra men send me over the moon in lust. Their birthdays should be in May – as the Camelot song goes – the lusty month of May.

    I feel very optimistic too, about my personal future. I have a vision and right now that is all that matters. Planning to begin planting a vineyard next spring too. If I died tomorrow you can know I died happy because i have a great libra rising lusty love, a vision for my future, and a wonderful loving family.

    Sometimes I can see auras on people, or not see them – I became alarmed when my mother’s aura disappeared, but she seems to be improving now also. She is a libra. My daughter is libra – the one I put up for adoption. Her health was very poor this last two years also – but she seem to be improving. Saturn in the 12th house is not so good for health – or at least you need to start paying attention when it is your turn. Saturn has always played a big role in my life. Maybe I notice it more because it affects me in a place that has caused me so much pain. The key is to let go of fear I suppose.

13. Pisces Sun (Leo Rising)

    Until a couple of years ago — and for six years for sure – stuck stuck and stuck. Divorce was inevetable in 1999 by 2001 in the thick of it, turned as ugly as anything could turn. When it was due to be over, it just kept on and on and on and turned into half a decade more of living constantly in the sights of a sniper who not only wanted to do any type of harm possible, but his biggest desire (conscious of not) was to bring me to his level down in the mud. (I am reminded of the Lemony Snickets “Unfortunate Events” children’s book series which is about exactly that – how to deal with ongoing challenges to our own integrity and values.)

    And so those years spent stuck and spinning on a wild merry-go-round just trying to keep a roof over our heads and keep myself and my kids sane despite the constant attacks – and moreover, use of any form of government power possible to aid in the constant gunfire. Government seemed ready to help with any lie, but not for any truth. However, the truth ultimately has shown through.

    Frequently I wondered how in the hell the tunnel I was going through could be SO LONG. Light finally appeared, but it has been another several years – and then this past one – to realize that I am actually out the end of that tunnel and in the Light.

    So now, here I am — Experience of the Last Few Seasons:

    Looking up and forward more than down and back.
    Finding clarity never found before.
    At same point as thirty years ago, but different information makes different choices possible – with great joy and enthusiasm.

    In fact, I am astonished at how I am revising my life’s position from thirty years ago as if I am in a different realm althoughter, but a parallel place from which to choose where I go from here – career and relationship – and this is not a time of natal Saturn return.

    Mostly calm now about “unresolved” relationship “issues” because my whole outlook on relationship has shifted into something that flows, not something static.

    Daily I seem able to see Relationship in new Light – and it is Good.

    Increased sense of what I’ve been witing for or anticipating for a long long time is unveiling itself – and the feeling that there may be one impactive moment within the extended duration of that unveiling remains with me. that is to say, nothing happens in an instant, but I have had the feeling of a pending “instance” for quite a long time now – and the time of that “instance” is upon us.

    Work that I am doing has a feel of forward momentum.

    I do not feel “prepared” for anything in particular. I only know that I am far more awake than ever, I am on MY path, and I feel that this moment is one where I can walk that path with freedom, joy, dignity.

    Felt in past years like I was only playing the role of being optimistic when in fact life sucked big time. Now I feel truly optimistic, that there is solid ground beneath my feet and support from the Universe for ‘Being the Change I Want to See’.

    Huge huge moment right now. I am not sure what – but I think it is “time”.

    Dreams — used to be vividly stuck in all kinds of situations, shifted to dreams of trying to get places but having roads full of holes and other precarious situations at hand, dreams now are deep and satisfying – and in the past couple of weeks I have not much recollection which is unusual for me. I no longer awake feeling anxious, but rather full of belief in the day ahead.

14. My natal Pisces ascendant seems to be vibrating with Uranus in Pisces. I am hearing things before things are actually said.

    My dream state has been as varied as switching channels on cable TV. No heavy anxiety, but lots of colorful dreams. I’ve also needed dancing like food and water. It helps keep me clean on the inside.

    I feel very connected with solar water sign women, knowing intuitively what they need at the moment, and it surprises both them and me. I am also attracted to earth sign men, who seem to know what I need intuitively without my saying. My boss is a Pisces and he and I have a relationship similar to siblings, so the power relationship is there, but not really. I guess because of natal Asc Pisces, natal Saturn in Scorpio, natal Uranus and Jupiter in Cancer, I’m feeling pretty lucky at the moment. Hope that when Chiron goes into Pisces, my knees will get better and my adrenal system will balance out.