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Eric – Regarding “I personally doubt these are natural events.” I share these doubts, and I also fear of being considered a conspiricy theory nut case (or actually being one), but geez my intuition is freaking out. Even without these concerns, it is very frightening to think about a huge natural event destrying my normal life – my home, my community, my health, my family, etc., But to consider that these events might be intentionally created or influenced by human will is incredibly distressing. On the other hand, there is very little I would put past what humans are capable of doing. And it it were true, what could I, or we, do?
Of course, my own and the world’s natural tendency to denial is at play, as well. Think about, as I know you and others have, the very obvious questions regarding 9/11, that never seem go anywhere. Bush has still not been put on trial for war crimes, for instance.
I was thinking about your history of being an investigative reporter. I know you must have faced these kinds of issues as a regular aspect of that work, i.e. looking for evidence that may or may not support a hypothosis, where not only are there interests attempting to hide the truth, but people questioning your investigation in the first place. Then, to top it off, people ignoring the results. What was that like for you? In what ways do the questions discuss here resonate with your experiences in the past?
Is there anyone that you know of looking seriously into the possibility of human agency involved in the current natural disasters? I would really like to hear your current thinking about this.
By the way, on your recommendation, I just began reading Tarnas’ Cosmos and Pysche. WOW, I’m only in the second chapter and very impressed with the content and scope of his thinking! Thank you!! Kat
indrani: Nicely said! So very true. If you can’t accept that everything is in flux at all times, you’re going to get battered around trying to stand still. True friends are a rarity; even rarer? A partner who is a true friend. I have that and over the past few years, I have had major evolutionary processes very active in my life, been honest about them, and because I have a husband who is of the same mindset, the relationship is evolving, too. Happiness is acceptance, being really seen for who you are, seeing others for who they are, feeling your desires, and loving every day.
Sag, metaphors for awakening, not scuicide. Too many people ‘believe’ in death. Too many people ‘believe’ in ‘after’life. There are no such things. There is only ‘this’ moment ‘now’. It’s only how you live in this moment now, which shines a light on where you will be.
..yeah, they’re heavy for sure.. but that aint darkness,.. it’s light. Sometimes it’s easier to see with the shades on.
Peace, and easy breathing,
Jere
Eric, You covered many important topics in this article; from the weather to social patterning. As usual, I appreciate your searching the culture’s mind and poking around the tender spots that are calling out for healing.
For years now, I have been reading A Course of Miracles, taking my time to let it penetrate my every day life. The premise that there is no sin is a key element. To have a discussion that remotely suggests that there is no sin is nearly impossible as it is ingrained into our collective psyche. Unraveling that premise is probably our hardest task to true freedom. I find it to be a very personal journey, especially when the culture’s attitude seems increasingly vengeful.
I think compassion is the lantern that lights that path. When I feel compassion for those who have made poor choices [as the men you mentioned] that compassion dissolves anger, hatred, sadness, judgment, etc. So called “loving” someone when my needs are being met is easy, but truly loving someone when the opposite is true, is real love. It goes beyond action. It goes beyond choice. That love, is ever present.
When I heard that people jeered the minister that predicted the end of the world when his predictions did not come true, I felt my stomach churn. I thought how sad, how terribly sad that they missed that opportunity to show another human, their very own brother, compassion. His face, I can see his face in confusion, like a child’s.
How can we constantly turn our backs on one another?
Whatever our beliefs, putting a hand on that man’s shoulder, a kind word shared, a promise of another moment for another choice, ANYTHING but ridicule.
Sex scandals? Do we jeer when someone’s personal life is exposed? Do we hate them for living in duality or do we get to the core and feel compassion that we create a world where we think we have to live so far apart from our true selves.
I cannot heal hatred by hating. I go back to the premise that someone told me years ago, that actions can be divided into two categories and you choose where you want to be. All action/choices are either an act of love, or a call for love.
I recently read Jon Ronson’s “The Psychopath Test: A Journey Through the Madness Industry” and felt it shed light on why there may be a lack of empathy in individuals. The cultural structure we are living is indulging the few that lack the ability to care for the whole while our entire society suffers for those actions. My point being, is that through understanding, feeling empowered, seeing through the illusions, supporting one another, we can make better choices.
well, it’s obvious I’ve gotta get these two books, Eros Denied and Stiffed. I mean, Eros Denied has been mentioned on PW at least 5 or 6 times, I’m thinking it’s pretty important to read, it’s important to try and understand these issues. a matter of Life and Death.
plus I am so dedicated to wanting to know more about the plight of men/father…for me, in my life, I would not have survived this far without the help & compassion given to me from men. the female side is the trickier side for me, women are more wary of me….
I’m loving these courageous, daring excursions PW has been going into re: some of the more
‘delicate’ issues that people need to recognize, understand, and heal.. and be compassionate toward others about.
lotta suicide/darkness stuff goin’ on here tonight with these songs. geez. all over the place. being that I’ve been there myself, all I have to say is: keep shining the light.
gentle Love. I gotta get that book so I can have better info….be on the same page here..
indranibe: In sync. Truly with your comment. ha! maybe it wasn’t supposed to be funny, but I do have to chuckle at your exasperation w/all the labels and stuff. certain folks are Really attached to those labels…and it messes with them when ya take away their guideposts….
-and I know your question was rhetorical, but I would say, I would sure hope that people who loved each other would hang out together! You would Want to, right?
esp. in light of what else you said, which is the v. common scenario of living in the World of Acquaintances.
Stay in the Flow,
not in the box.
oh, and Burning: I looked up those ‘kids’ books: they look pretty awesome, thanks!
peace Everyone,
take it easy this weekend. we got eclipses and shit going on..
I’ll leave you with a quote fr. Barbara Sher:
“A dream is delicate and elusive. What you love is important, but it is shy. To live a completely fulfilled life you have to do what you love. When what you want to do becomes what you have to do.”
Indrani, I recommend Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door, 9-18-90. Here’s the Dead
..The afterglow’s beautiful, but the experience is bliss.
..You are on top of the wheel, .. You show excellence.
..always remember you… I.. (which is you), (which is I) which is everything.
..It’s funny how it all blends when we have our eyes open..
Great expression, man! Love ya.
Jere
This was a one heck of a read. I’m going to encourage my son to have a look at it. I remember when he was about 11 he asked me why song lyrics seemed to only be about love but that, in his eyes (even then), was the wrong kind of love. Thank goodness he and his gang seem to have much healthier attitudes around the whole topic than my generation had.
I agree that Orthodox Christianity had a huge hand on perverting love and sexuality employing its negation as a form of mind control. I believe we’re only coming out of that dysfunction en masse in this day and age. It was interesting through this article to be introduced to the celtic monk/heretic Pelagius and of how he was persecuted for being a free spirit while Augustine was able to continue, carte blanche, to spread his gospel of doom, gloom and dire negativity. I did a little surfing to find out more about Pelagius and I stumbled across a book called “Emperor” by Stephen Baxter, which seemingly he wrote by way of exploring about how our world might have evolved differently if Pelagius and Augustine had been allowed to truly debate and thrash out their ideas.
The shutting down of a natural healthy expression of sex has often puzzled me. In fact, I recall having the moxy to ask a nun at my school (convent boarding school) that though I could accept the notion of the virgin birth (yeah, I was fulling indoctrinated in my teens) I couldn’t understand that there was no record of Jesus having brothers and sisters because surely Mary and Joseph had sex after the birth of Jesus? Well, the nun became apoplectic at that notion — don’t know whether it was the actual notion of them having sex or that I had dared utter the word sex in front of her — and she immediately shut the discussion down, of course! There seems no other way to operate but to nix *any* debate of sex in its infancy. No hope for evolution with that approach, thank you very much.
I’ve consciously chosen celibacy since my marriage broke up for good this time last year, because I knew I had to heal a lot inside and I really wanted to fall in love with who I *truly* was — to be authentic. It’s been a difficult year in many regards but lately I’ve felt a hunger/desire to be physically intimate with someone and I actually don’t mind what gender they are but that I connect with someone whose equally comfortable in his or her skin. I’d so love to see more of us evolve to a place where we could be at ease “loving the one you’re with” but since I’ve started socializing more consciously these past few months, I’m both intrigued and quite dismayed at how eager people are, to seek and find the other, *the one* when it seems apparent to me that they’re just avoiding doing the foundational work of self loving and instead seeking fulfillment and distraction from that process outside of themselves.
Ah well, ’nuff said here tonight. Yeah, this is a great article Eric and PW team. *Lots* of food for thought — as you can see from my ramblings and honest disclosure!
NB: (I should say, “still DARING to love yourself”, because it takes a fair bit of daring and chutzpah to be able to live a life and stand up in the face of opposition (the Life Police), and say, “Yes I did, now fuck off!”)
Here’s wishing you all sunny days and many happy memories…
xox Indrani
Hi Eric, great essay. I don’t think it’s the female adultrers we need to be worrying about, because to do that is to just look at the flipside of male adulterers – we’ll be caught up in the same vicious circle. What worries me is the “martyr good wife” phenomenon. And the problem of insecure women (and men whho do the same thing). I’ve been on both sides of marriage – I’ve been married and had my husband “cheat” on me, and I’ve fallen in love with a married man. What did I do when my husband “cheated”? I gave him his freedom. We tried to work it out, it wasn’t working, so I dissolved the marriage (and yeah we had a kid too). I didn’t hang around nursing a grudge and using my anger to enslaven the man and play on his guilt (which is as you have said before a symptom of the repression of desire). “Cheating” is a symptom, not the cause.
I let him go, and just as importantly, I let myself go – we got our freedom – it’s marriage – it’s not a life sentence – people grow, people change, and if both parties to the gig aren’t growing and changing in ways suitable to both, the thing’s not going to work – that’s the nature of relationships. And you do that for too long, and what are you teaching the kids? You just perpetuate the cycle…is that what you want for your kids? To teach ’em that they don’t have the right be happy?
BUT, too many people try to hold on to the thing to try to fulfil their “domestic fantasies” – I did that briefly – tried to pretend away the truth, but how long do you really want to live a lie? The desire for happiness and LIFE took over.
People keep seeing these things as a “death”. I see it as evidence of life bursting forth – someone’s trying to LIVE authentically and not live a lie.
To know why unhappy relationships are so prevalent, I think we need to look at why people marry in the first place, and WHO they marry. Most of the time they do it for the wrong reason – some people do it because they want to have babies, some people do it because they aspire to be something and choose a wife who represents the thing they think they want to be, some people do it because someone forced them into it, and some do it to stave off loneliness, as if marrying someone “beats boredom”.
But they’re all barking up the wrong tree. Choosing you partner/husband/wife is like choosing your friends – you’ve all got to want the same thing (ie you’ve got to be in sync) – the thing you need to want most is to like the person for who they are in the first place, and like them enough to want to be happy to see them grow and change – otherwise, what you’ve got is a death wish – you don’t grow or change, or let someone else grow and change, then what you’re doing is stifling life. You also need to be of a similar mindset and personality type otherwise it’s a constant hardship, we is why we have very few “true” friends in reality. Thousands of acquaintainces, and people we’re friendly with, but few True friends.
It’s actually not as hard as we make if for ourselves, but all those other agendas that no-one wants to think about is what kills off otherwise workable relationships – too much pressure.
And let’s take the martyred husband/wife for a moment. I ask the same question of them – are you happy that way? Don’t you want to be happy? Why do they stay in it? Probably because they’ve had it drummed into them that they have no other option.
I’m saying “you do have an option”! You don’t need to be a slave to the relationship either. Both parties need to realise that it is THEY who need to control the relationship, and determine what it looks like, not have the “relationship” control them. It’s the opposite of what’s done now – we twist and bend ourselves to try to fit ourselves into a box, “girlfriend/boyfriend”, “husband/wife”, “lover/friend with benefits”…the list is endless, and it’s fuckin’ exhausting. What does it matter what we label the thing? Do we love each other and want to hang out, or not? That’s the question, and that’s the ONLY question that needs to be answered.
YOU own the relationship – it does not own you. Take back your lives! Take back your happiness! Stop overthinking, stop trying to put yourselves into boxes – it’s unnatural – it’s like agreeing to live in a prison cell! Aw man! It gives me the heebiejeebies just thinking about it!! who CARES what you call it?? What matters is what it is!! Just be happy. It’s actually not that hard.
(Says one who’s managed it, happiness, that is. The secret lies in simplicity…)
It’s always the small things, isn’t it?
xoxox
PS: People will be wondering what “happiness” is – it’s accepting yourself – sorrows, bad stuff, imperfections, warts and all – it’s reconciling yourself to, and owning your shadow and still loving yourself. See, not as hard as it sounds.
Brown Eyed Women and Brokedown Palace have a place there as well..
Love ya cat,
Jere
Hey Eric, check out 1983 – 10 – 15 Hartfort Civic Center
China Doll, if you want Jerry poured into a cup.
..The archive dead site has it on offering.
..You get Brent and Jerry playin’ together, that’s a trip!
Jere
That was a really great article, Eric.
Thank you,
Jere
First, I add my PLEAS(E) to Fe’s–do that Asshole Chart! PLEEEZE!
Second, dearest dearest Eric, I have much compassion for f*d over, f*d up men, and have mentioned it on theses blogs andthank you for those bbok that you mentioned. I will get them, read them and pass them on to the men in my life.
However, I want to remind you of Hester Prynne (1850), Madame Bovary (1856) and Anna Karenina (1873). For a century and a half they have been paraded in high school literature classes for young women (and young men)to be reminded of what “great literature” and “good women” are. Women feel the “public shame by hjust having to read those books in a community.
Also, Ms. magazine published an article this month about how the majority of characters in childrens’s literature are boiys.That is why I love Robin McKinley’s books and have given them as gfits to all the young women in my life.
As far as the men’s situation now, that they are the main one’s who are publicly exposed, perhaps there is a bit of Ers involved?
Eric, once again I can only truly thank you. Yesterday opened up self-ability to acknowledge mother crap; which in turn showered a lot of clarity on father-crap – all opening wider a doorway to embrace Self instead of loath Self…..your article here today has summed up a lot of your other conversations that are exactly relevant and amazingly useful.
I am forever grateful for what your are and what you do here. Thank you.
Linda
Sweetheart:
Oh please oh PLEASE, if and when you do write “Just What Exactly is an Asshole?”, would you let me help? That would be way too much fun.