Kaila died of a heroin overdose in March, just before the equinox. At the time it was just the latest horrendous thing to happen in Simone’s life, and by far the worst. The girls had been inseparable since they were very little and they would announce unabashedly that they had been lovers since age seven. This was adorable. The really, really funny stories came from their moms.
The funeral was surreal; services for young people always have that quality. Kaila had been the famous kid who survived four open heart surgeries at Boston Childrens’ Hospital. Everyone knew her or had heard of her. Her mom, Toby, works for the publishing company that puts out all the local papers, so she’s also a fixture in the community. Everyone who knew the family had gone through the tumult of the surgeries and coming close to losing Kaila again and again.
All summer Simone nudged me about doing nudes at Kaila’s grave. I’m not sure why I was resisting; a busy summer, yes, but also this was pretty emotional territory and a bit strange even by my standards. Finally after one other rained out attempt, we picked a Sunday morning and arranged to go. By then Simone and I had a mutual friend, Dina Disaster, so Dina got the gig of being photo assistant. We stopped at a gas station convenience store and stocked up on coffee, cigarettes, candy and whatever else they wanted, and headed to the cemetery.
We found Kaila’s grave without a problem — the one other time I tried to find it, I became disoriented and it took a while, but this time we walked right up to it. Her mom had put a marble bench there; she visits every night. Friends had left trinkets and liquor bottles and toy rats — Kaila was always accompanied by a rat. I discovered this personally photographing her and Simone one day; suddenly after spending a whole evening in my house, she was cuddling this cute little rodent; obviously it was friendly.
We had incredible fun that morning. We could hear Kaila laughing the whole time. Finally someone was doing something a little weird here. The peak moment was: Simone standing there on the new grave, naked as a nymph, while I knelt at her feet and with a squirt bottle full of white vinegar and some newspapers, and polished the oval mirror that we used in some of the photos. And while we were doing this, a guy came riding through the cemetery on his bicycle, out for a Sunday morning ride.
The girls got nervous. I said, “Just pretend nothing unusual is going on, don’t even worry about it.”
I wonder what he thought.
What a gentle, loving photo! It feels “warm” even with the greyness of the surrounding stone and overcast day. I instantly started hearing Arcade Fire’s “My Body is a Cage” in my mind. It make me happy that Simone and Kaila’s bodies were able to co-create exquisite, sensual pleasures. I’m sure that co-generated love and positive energy still exists for all of us in all dimensions. While Kaila cannot physically reach out and touch Simone, and Simone cannot completely leave the confines of her body and commingle with Kaila, the finer, eternal connection between the two is captured almost tangibly in this photo. Thank you for sharing, it made me smile 🙂
A challenging picture. With the story behind it it becomes a beautifully pure, intimate, intense and loving picture. A lot of Pluto and Scorpio in it with Venus leading their ways. What it says to me is what I would have tried to express if it was me: (difficult to expres very precise, I’m dutch, excuses perhaps for even trying!) feeling the intimacy of death and love as if I was fighting with both of them, ending up with an embrace. What the boy thought? At the very best: that’s strange! And of course it looks that way I guess, if one is denying Pluto’s ways.