The compersion series continues on Book of Blue.
Today is a meaningful day in the Mercury-Sun cycle. Mercury and the Sun form their exterior or superior conjunction, meaning actually that Mercury, the Sun and the Earth align with the Sun in the middle. There are two ways that there can be a Mercury/Sun conjunction; one with Mercury between the Sun and Earth and one with Mercury to the outside. The first kind happens during Mercury retrograde; the second kind, currently occurring, happens with Mercury direct.
Each time it happens, whether retrograde or direct, it’s the marker that we’re at the midpoint of the Mercury cycle. Mercury conjunct the Sun tells us either that Mercury retrograde or direct is half over. Here is a Mercury retrograde calendar that you can use to figure out where we stand in relationship to that particular cycle.
As for interpretation (and by this article so far you can see how much technical work and/or understanding has to go into having enough data to make an interpretation). Sun/Mercury direct is always an interesting day. I’ve said before that it’s one of those few aspects that hints at positive news. I recognize that it’s difficult to think of the words ‘positive’ and ‘news’ in the same thought, and I think we’re desperately longing for some external validation that life on the planet is going to get better. Like you, I deal daily with the fact that people who are bent on making chaos have such an easy time of it, while the people who are creating a semblance of stability and productivity face so many obstacles.
It will indeed help when more of us are available to contribute to the collective in a conscious way. I’m not sure what’s going to create that slack; we are constantly under the demand for more output, and we have fewer opportunities available to go inside for nourishment and contact; to find the place from which we would find intimacy. And “the world” is in such chaos that few of us can feel a connection or like we can even have an impact. There are a lot more people than we think whose mantra is, why bother with anything?
There are other issues associated with the sense of disconnect we feel, among them the tendency we have to disconnect from our own lives, or rather, from ourselves. This is in part due to the demands of our current life, which so often leave us with only minimal time and energy to develop and seek inwardly. It may be that we have to go back to Tim Leary’s theory of turn on, tune in, drop out. We do seem to have a little of all three to do, and personally I am not so sure about the drop out part: I think at that point it’s more about drop in; to participate consciously. We are driven less by material rewards as we are by a sense of survival, and also a sense of personal responsibility that somehow denies ourselves.
I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what is at the essence of the personal crisis that we’re facing, and again and again I come up with fear and alienation. There are a lot of scared and hurt people out there. Meanwhile we are constantly conditioned to be afraid of everything, though without consciously reckoning the toll that this takes on us, or how little sense it really makes.
I am at a point where I can do very little without a sense of personal connection. This includes with everyone from the UPS guy to my readers and clients to the people I photograph to the people I find who are interested in me socially. If the personal connection is not there, there’s very little place that I feel I have.
I’m not sure how much this yoga is helping. After years of building organization and international social networks I still find that the world, meaning the people I meet in my physical environment, feel more distant than ever. It may be that my sensitivity has developed to the point where I can feel the sense of alienation that was always there; the hesitancy; the fear of contact. Maybe we are just beginning to see rampant social and sexual phobia for what they are, and the corresponding social decadence for what it is. The result of the two forces, which are part of the same process, seems to be a chilled interpersonal environment where trust and the opportunities to trust are constantly being shrunken down to microscopic size. Trust takes time, space and willingness to create.
Today the Sun is conjunct Mercury in the sign Cancer, which is the sign of mother. I will leave a longer commentary on Sonia Sotomayor for another time, or maybe another writer, but I will say that this astrology fits perfectly and it bodes well for her approval by the Senate.
I’ll leave you with something more personal, which I received in an email on Friday from a friend, a mother of two, age 39, who is deeply involved in alternative education. She has commented to me about how scared kids are now: go out in the Sun and you get cancer; lean on a tree and a tick bites you; parents inflicting a fear of sex into their kids to an extent that makes the 50s seem like a joke. She writes, and I would love to hear back from you on this:
“i’ve been wondering exactly why i’ve needed to be the eternal mother for a whole bunch of men, who not only do not appreciate the gifts they receive, but toss the giver after they’ve made progress in healing. this has left me too often humilated and depressed, before i could detach and survey more objectively the devastated landscape we find ourselves in (and/or create). these men DO see and nervously, secretively value what they’re getting — my love for them — but i haven’t yet raised my own level of giving enough, or they are married to lilith, or love is so foreign, if sweet, that it has to be held most times at a distance, because of its sheer, brilliant intensity.”
Remember, we are in a time of eclipses. This is a time for pattern setting. What we do, how we respond, who we choose to be with, how we feel and what we create: all of these things lay the foundations for the patterns of our lives for the next six to 12 months.
Hah! Len!! “Does she experience ingratitude only from men, never from women?”
My son asked me the *very* same question a few days ago. He was watching me closely as I twirled toward the edge of a significant but still-nascent frielationship (the word is begging to be born, people).
Yes, there were a lot of broad suggestions in that letter, which allowed us –in its lack of specificity– to see ourselves therein. Good work!
And this… “Perhaps we all can look to lend support (if only a kind word) without expectation of return other than dharma” so easy at certain stages, so hard at others. In my own life I have decided, for perhaps the first time ever, to take someone at their word when they say: “I am too fucked up to let you love me.” I’ve been pondering this as the object of my affection rolls forward and falls back, urgently attracted and intensely insecure. It is finally clear to me: she can do *nothing* with anyone else until she stops breaking up with herself.
*Now* I can lend support. If I get tangled in the coils of her self-terror, not so much.
Eric,
Ok, since you would love to hear back regarding the quote from your friend, i’ll bite. i have read it five times with respect and compassion. i want with all my heart to acknowledge that her feelings are valid. i sincerely feel for someone who gives and gives and gives without being appreciated. i almost feel guilty when i realize that her words reveal little about what’s going on. What forms of action comprise being “the eternal mother”? How many are “whole bunch”? How long has this been going on? Does she experience ingratitude only from men, never from women? Perhaps we can all do something significant by simply saying “thank you” when someone shows a kindness, no matter how small. Perhaps we all can look to lend support (if only a kind word) without expectation of return other than dharma. Let there be healing, then.
-Len Wallick
A bouquet of insight after experiencing the 60’s, 4 marriages, 2 sons, 3 cultures, many spiritual practices and 39 jobs:
Red rose:
Visited a homeopath for some health discomfort. We worked through the symptom picture and he prepared the remedy. As he handed over the vial, he looked me straight in the eye and said “Welcome the pain.”
White rose:
Received teachings from a Tibetan Buddhist Master in a beautiful natural setting . He was teaching on meditation (liberation) and how one can use different experiences as the ‘object’ (focus) of our practice. One of the methods involved using pain – without looking outwardly at the stimulus but simply looking at the pain or discomfort itself without grasping at figuring it out or projecting cause outside of the experience itself.
Yellow rose:
Werner Erhard gave me great insight into contemplating our reactions to stimuli. Always seeking the pleasant, the beautiful, the happy and moving away from the ugly, the injured and the difficult creates a life based on reacting rather than on choice. In essence, choose what you have without judgement or running away. This is the source of true power, a life lived fully. Check out the background dissatisfaction – the ‘this isn’t it’ attitude we carry around and see it for what it truly is.
Bring your mind home – it’s longing to rest in the natural state of pure awareness.
Dear friend of Eric’s,
The key for me to your question was the wording you chose: “why I NEEDED to be. . .”
As I know little about you, what I say is pure guesswork, but I know you advocate “alternative education”, so that could possibly mean home schooling. At any rate you place children’s well being high on your priority list. Secondly, you asked about why you needed to be the eternal mother (for men). Choosing the word “need(ed)”, screams “moon, mother, Cancer, 4th house” to astrology people. Placing an emphasis on (the nuturing of) children could be more of the same, and/or Leo and Virgo tendencies as well as perhaps Ceres.
Finally, “a whole bunch of men” who “don’t appreciate” sounds like little boys who haven’t grown up. The majority of kids don’t appreciate what is done for them. . until they DO grow up. This is more of the Cancer, moon, mother, needy influence and I would guess that possibly you yourself have a need to be needed but that it conflicts with another part of you that wants to be nurtured or even independent. Maybe your moon squares Chiron or your Sun might be in Cancer but in the 7th house. I would say that something (within you) is blocking your development of a relationship with a more mature man. It could be a south node problem. . .in Cancer or conjunct the moon maybe. I hope you will soon find your answers.
“After years of building organizational and international social networks I find . . .the people. . .I meet feel more distant than ever.” Sorry for chopping that quote up Eric, but hope I got the syntax right. Do you not have Saturn in Aquarius, and in the 9th? That would explain a lot of the energy you used to create the networks, and the lack of closeness could be due to the far reach (9th) of where the people are. Saturn and Aquarius are great for professional and group relationships, but less conducive to close personal relationships. Perhaps the approaching Neptune conjunction will dissolve some of Saturn’s necessary rigidness and you will find many of those people open up to a more personal and trusting place with you.
Probably everyone has had the feeling of giving more than receiving in relationships of all kinds. It is that imbalance that points to what’s missing inside of US, not them. If you’re one who is constantly giving and feeling bummed about it, you’ve probably been victimized in one way or another. Recognizing the imbalance is key, and claiming your power back and forgiving everyone who’s ever hurt you – including you – is critical. No one can move forward while harboring unforgiveness, anger, blame, guilt or victimhood in any form. However, all comes to the surface for resolution and healing, if you choose to release the crap of the past. If not, you create more of the same. I can totally relate, and it’s not always as easy as your simple intention to have peace within, so you can create and attract from that place. But sometimes it is as simple as that. It surely must start there, and without completely loving and accepting YOU exactly as you are, you won’t be attracting what you truly deserve or desire. The closer we get to the Truth of who we are, the easier it will be to inspire others, especially the children.
This weekend I awoke from dreaming: I walked through my mother’s house as it filled with unknown people from her world, not interested in them but feeling obligated to find my mother and help her prepare for and serve her guests I walked through her house.
But instead I found a hallway that was mine alone, I walked through it into a hall of rooms. Setting aside one that seemed interesting to me, I stepped into another. This one seemed to go on and on into the darkness forever to my left.
The “wall” facing me was built of windows looking over the beach and ocean – all of this is in the darkness of night. I found a lighswitch which put dim light onto the front of this long room. A black-skinned “homeless” man appeared, wearing tattered blue and white stripped trousers, fuzzy unkept hair and a blue bandana around his neck (I thought “sailor”!). He never spoke to me but his name was “romphi” or “raffi” — or as it turns out, Raphael.
I offered to take him into my mother’s house where he could join the others and eat. He gracefully declined wherein I offered to fetch from there a small plate of food, what I presumed would be “small hor’dourves”.
Again he declined.
But slowly appeared there where we stood long tables about which gathered multitudes of people – one I thought I recognizned, but for the most part just “People”. The tables were laden with real food (I remember seeing baked potatoes LOL!). I walked the lengths of the tables in awe, still feeling compelled to return to my mother’s house; obligated to help her entertain her guests. Raffi sat at the end of the last table, the seat at his right hand held open, saved, for me.
All is well, Friends. Healing is at hand, abundance at our calling.
xo
Linda
(Lilith, BTW, deserves much merit where she is looked down upon. But that’s another story.)
If she’s drawing lots of guys into her life who seem to have an intimate relationship with Lilith it might be a forgotten part of herself drawing them in, trying to teach her how to wield the word NO. If you don’t want to embody the eternal mother, don’t. It’s not healthy to let the gods push you around like that.
via email
hey eric,
this is a response to your friend’s comment –
i am (nearing) the same age as her, and working thru similar issues with
the men in my life. not that i feel or even want to be the eternal
mothering, but i am often there for them in ways they can’t or aren’t
for me or themselves. that’s the key for me. they aren’t there,
participating consciously, with their own self. as a virgo, i’m
naturally reflective. and with everything else in my life and who i am,
i am critically reflective in my consciousness. i choose to be more so
now than ever because as you note, it’s about that personal connection.
i think it goes from self to other selves. and i reflect that to the
people i love that are around me. whether they see it or acknowledge it
or not is a different story, but same book. i step up in this way
because it serves me to stay true to myself foremost. i find many,
mostly men right now, can see the mirror but aren’t as willing to engage
it in such depth. it’s all about the fear and facing some core issues
this lifetime. i’m doing that too, but i’m done with not being able to
talk about the elephant in the middle of the room. i feel we don’t have
the time or luxury to not anymore. but standing in this place does
either make people run from you, or embrace you, even if they’re not
willing to stand naked in the mirror with you. i may be rambling at this
point, but i think it’s about an individual responsibility to our
collective consciousness. we all have to step up to that metaphorical
mirror and for many women i know, it’s about not continuing the
mothering and enabling in any relationship. i believe it’s an inside out
(r)evolution in this sense, and recognizing the patterns of this in our
own herstories – i’ve found – allows us to see the cycle within, and
choose to do it different without. awareness is the first step towards
action, and deep communication and listening are requisite in this
process of (un)becoming.
i’m in education too, i teach teachers. the kids are being
hyperprogrammed more than ever these days to live in fear. i also feel
they are more aware of the bullshit too, but without a means to really
engage and connect consciously, they spin just like the rest of us.
creating those safe places for deep dialogue and critical reflective
consciousness are what i’m working for, personally and professionally.
it is one way i believe we can continue to break through.
thanks for reading and writing!
ox ~ s
I probably should have said,”I do believe that word could use more (Contextual) delineation”.
I get sloppy with conceptual discourse sometimes… 🙂
Jere
Disappointment.
I do believe that word could use more delineation.
Smiles!, and Butterflies!
mystes – thank you for the reminder that love comes in many shapes and forms! I realise that it’s my expectation of *how* it should arrive, and in what form, that constantly puts me in the way of disappointment. I feel significantly lighter! 🙂
My experience is that love can never be diminished, if it is genuinely given. I’ve found this in my relationships with men. I’ve also found it in my relationship with the little man in my life: my son, Noah.
Like a few mothers I know, I have help with Noah’s childcare; and I’ve seen and heard of many mothers feeling insecure about whether they are going to be supplanted by the other carer, sometimes to the point of outright jealousy.
I don’t buy it. The thing with love is that there’s enough to go around; and (when it’s genuinely love) you can never get “too much” of it, and there’s room for everyone. I count Noah – and my husband and I – lucky enough to have several people who love him deeply. He, and we, can only benefit.
— S
Hmm… my two cents goes to Kelley’s remark. I’ve been in love 5 times this lifetime, (in various stages of deep lust & delight is another number). I am still crazy about all 5, and know for a fact that what I call ‘falling in love’ is discovering that we have matching stigmata, each wound is lined up to complement the other.
The day that I let go of the idea of ‘pure, unsullied love’ (winking at Witte) was the day I noticed how very and imperfectly loved I was. That knowledge –really, its a form of gnosis– has permitted me the freedom to walk all the way around my own fears, doubts, projections, not to cure or fix them, but to stay in touch with them, and allow my lovers to show me as much as they can.
Standing at the edge of the 6th,
M
Planetwaves being Awesome again.
As blood cannot be separated from the heart, so love cannot be separated from the lover. The lover is love.
Once *love* is brought into the arena of action it becomes subject to the orchestrations of ethics. On the other hand, neither is love a mere state of being – for that may prove stagnating.
It is flow from ever-replenished source. Receivers of love can bathe in it – they can surely urinate in it while they do.. sullying their locus but surely not the source.
For all its indefatigable nature, still love is valuable within its tributaries and can seep away as loss. That is why to direct it consciously toward another should be a matter of reflection, not simply automatic – since love seeks purity, it will not honour the one who offers it knowingly to be sullied.
Via email:
since i have felt this way in the past, but no longer do…i might suggest that she look at what HER love is for them…because it sounds like a love that involves expectations. that is not love in the truest sense….at least not as i see it.
whether the men toss her or not, the giving of love itself has to be the goal, not whether the person (male or female) stays for more or even appreciates consciously what was given. otherwise it’s just another form of vampirism as far as i am concerned. (interesting that she mentions lilith.)
kelley