For all you old Wings fans, here is Venus and Mars/Rockshow/Jet from the Wings Over America era. “Long hair at the Madison Square / Rock and roll at the Hollywood Bowl.” Here is the studio version of Venus and Mars/Rockshow.
Dear Friend and Reader:
Venus and Mars are conjunct in the last degree of Pisces. The last degree of Pisces is the last degree of the zodiac, which I love for a number of reasons: it’s the end of the great cycle, and a seed point in the beginning of the next story. Its theme involves visualization of our lives. Though we rarely do it, visualizing is a take-charge moment in our lives, where we engage the process of creating the future. It’s also one degree from the Aries Point, and I believe that it is a kind of mirror of the point; it’s the transpersonal side of the equation, where Aries is the personal side of the equation.
Because this conjunction involves Venus and Mars, gender and sexual relationships are implied. These could be between men and women, people of the same gender, or our complex internal orientations that help determine how we relate to others. Most people probably don’t think of it this way, but when you relate to another person you can imagine that your inner male (animus) and your inner female (anima) are each relating to the anima and animus of the person you’re communicating with. Because the ego is so involved in projection, we will tend to replicate our inner relationship in the outer world with others.
This is one of my rationales for suggesting that in order to have sane sexual relationships with those around us, we need to have them with ourselves, as consciously as possible embracing our inner diversity and giving all aspects of ourselves a voice. In fact for the sexes to get along at all we need to be in inner alignment with our sexual polarities and then extend that into the world as a conscious act.
In my own visualization of relationships, I do my best to live in a world where the women around me are in harmony; and where I am in harmony with the men who surround the women I love. I can give you an example of this. I’ve worked with Chelsea, our business manager, for about six years; most of you have talked to her or corresponded with her. We have never been ‘amorously’ involved — she’s Example One of monogamy that works well, with her husband T.J., whom she was with from before I met her. I met Chelsea and T.J. at the same time. I’m close to Chelsea and I adore her husband. I get along with him and we are two Fish who oddly enough have exactly the same taste in music. T.J. knows I love Chelsea like the ocean, and I feel nothing but his approval and respect for that.
This is possible because we all trust one another, and we’re committed to the same thing.
Chelsea gets along with the other women in my life, all of whom either talk to her or work with her at one time or another. She happens to be exceptionally good at spreading peace and harmony in her environment. Personally I am vigilant about choosing women who get along with the women around me, and unchoosing them if they are competitive with the women around me. This whole process is a bit of wisdom from Tantra. Men in harmony around powerful women. Women in harmony around powerful men. This is how we focus our power: by not dividing ourselves amongst relationships that are divisive.
Where I share sexual energy with a woman (including affection or desire), I extend the same idea, seeking to harmonize myself with her whole sexuality and sexual experience in life. This is called compersion. That is about extending compassion for another person’s pleasure, passion, love and freedom. Far from alienating me from the women around me, this tends to draw me much closer than I have ever been to them. I have, gradually taught myself to turn my jealous, competitive instincts into something communicative and allowing; and to fully embrace the sexual and emotional freedom of the women I want and love and to a real degree depend on for my sanity and survival. When I love someone this is the first gift I extend; I see their humanity in their power of choice and their freedom to feel.
If I am attracted to someone I am going to be turned on by whoever she chooses to love or have sex with. This is a choice, or you could say it’s an observation of something already there. This way, the experience is nourishing and not depleting. In this equation, I leave the door open for her to choose me if she wants, and how she wants.
This may sound a little odd to some men, who want to grab a chick and call her their own; or to women who would no sooner consciously allow their male partner to share sex or love with another woman than they would jump off of a building.
Most people will not allow the mere thought of openness into their minds, but then we have been taught for generations that the only solution to the problem of freedom is to make prisoners of one another. I can tell you this. It’s an excellent, and efficient way to draw in emotional and erotic pleasure all the time, from anyone I want, and to give back something to the world that it has nearly none of. I can experience the pleasure of knowing the most ‘inaccessible’ woman, without having to cut myself off, by embracing her emotional and sexual choices; and by being open to receiving the energetic benefits of her pleasure.
I can affirm the life of anyone I love by breathing into harmony with her freedom to be who she is — and very few women ever get that from a man. And they just as rarely get it from another woman. I am learning that women are often notoriously brutal to one another when they choose to express their freedom. This is one of the many ways that women hold one another back on the long journey to empowerment; a journey that will require everyone’s support.
This has been a truly beautiful (if at times difficult) exploration of encountering women as whole people rather than halves of a relationship, or incomplete beings seeking fulfillment in another. As I do this I grow into my own wholeness, seeking relationships for pleasure, growth, creativity and understanding rather than because I feel incomplete.
My vision today for Venus conjunct Mars in this cosmically creative last degree of Pisces is that those of us who are turned on by this possibility speak up about it, reach out to one another, and design a world where we openly support each others’ freedom. In this, I think we can find a level of true security and dependable sources of emotional nourishment, rather than constantly feeling like we are on the outside.
There is more than enough love, pleasure and emotional nourishment to go around. There is more than enough food, money, and safe shelter. No mater what we do, people will indeed be free. This is true even if we sell ourselves short or short circuit our own power till we realize it is better to be in harmony with ourselves and thus with one another, than at war and strife. Humans do need this explained and when possible demonstrated. I know we live in a world where jealousy is considered precious, and we cling to it even as it drives us apart. I assure you there is something much more precious that draws us together. And that can be the basis of true community of love and conscience.
PS, I thought the only lonely place was on the Moon.
This article is exactly why I love your writing, Eric. No matter what you do, you keep it open, transparent, and honest.
I have Mars conjunct Venus in my fifth house. One is in Capricorn and the other in Aquarius but they are in the same house and only a few degrees apart. I am a Pisces sun, Virgo rising with Capricorn moon in the fourth house. Chiron in Aquarius is conjunct my sun in Pisces in my sixth house. My sun is in opposition to Pluto in Virgo in the 12th house and Chiron is in opposition to Uranus in Leo in the 12th house.
My Capricorn moon is conjunct Saturn in Capricorn in my fourth house (Koch houses).
One thing I have never liked is competition, and jealously is the other side of competition. In my early adulthood, if a woman seemed to want the guy I was with, I just backed off and let him decide, no pressure. I wanted no part of that “fighting over a man” drama. I just didn’t want to deal with all that worrying if he was faithful or if he “wanted her more” crap. What a waste of time and emotional energy all that stuff is! Simplifying my life made it way easier to deal with the dating scene and relationships.
I have been a monogamous personality my whole life. Once I am with someone I deeply care about, I have no desire to have anyone else. I like the feeling of being with the one person. I had a few years when I was out having sex with different guys a lot, sometimes two guys in one night in the same room, though not at the same time. I enjoyed the orgasms but I longed for the feeling of being safe with someone, my heart and self safe, that is. My parents’ breakup when I was seven seemed to have made me need a safe place for my heart and my inner self. My husband of 21 years gives me that safe place and what’s more, he doesn’t resent my intelligence, my quick mind, my emotional self, my masculine logical side, my practical Virgo rising work-aholic self.
We seem to fit well and jealousy doesn’t come into it at all.
My husband said one thing to me way back when we were getting serious. He said, “If you don’t have trust in a relationship, trust that the person you are with will hold your feelings, your heart, your mind, your changes, your achievements, your dreams, your innermost self as precious and sacred, then you have no relationship.”
Needless to say, I am very happy and safe with him. And he with me. I know this is not the life everyone wants to have or needs to have, but it is what I need to have and I can still be myself within it. As he and I navigate parenthood (we have four kids with ages ranging from 7 to 16) we hope to allow our kids the freedom to be what they need, even if they decide when they are adults that they are not monogamous.
I used to make replicas of Wings tickets for the Madison Square – red, the lower loge, to the side of the stage.
I am a big fan of Band on the Run. It’s still an exciting album to this day.
My favorites are Junior’s Farm and Mull of Kintyre.
At the Houses of Parliament
Ev’rybody’s talking ’bout the President
We all chip in for a bag of cement
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuARVtOqCVo
And now that I think about it, Venus and Mars may have been my first time hearing about astrology.
“Hi, Hi, Hi”(banned by the BBC for alleged sexual references, whereby B-Side “C Moon” received exposure),
Thanks for the links Eric. Old Wings fan here. I got “London Town” for my twelfth birthday “Venus and Mars” and “Wings Over America” were requested Christmas gifts that same year. My stepfather had many Beatles albums and most of Paul’s solo work sans “Wildlife.” I spent my allowances on the missing albums from his Beatles and Wings collection until we had the full catalogue between us. When I was seven, I thought the lyrics to “My Love” were “I love gosling goose” instead of “My love does it good. Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I also thought Abba was singing “Wannado” instead of “Waterloo.” Although the Playboy collection was off limits, the “Red Rose Speedway” 12-page booklet insert offered enough photos of exposed breasts to keep my curiosity satisfied until puberty hit. Our seventh-grade social studies teacher took us on a field trip to see “Beatlemania” on Broadway.
“The tension mounts, you score an ounce. Ole!”
“I hope you’re having fun”
“My long-haired lady.”
“Smile Away”
“Sweet banana.”
Aloha Eric and Company,
Your website is truly amazing. You all have built a wonderful community that people can come visit that are like minded, curious or just really confused. It is like a modern day Shakespeare and Company. I am a pis sun and a aqu mercury in my fifth house. I also have mars 20 degree in sag and venus 20 degree cap in my third house. I am having a powerful day to say the least. Any way I got an email from chelsea that my subscribtion was going to run out this morning. I was thinking money is a little tight maybe I can do without. Then I read what you had to say today. When you quoted the Grateful Dead especially Terrapin Station it really spoke to me about the collective consciousness that you are always talking about. I used to run around the dead lot buying things from people or doing a good deed for someone if I was having a tough time finding a ticket to a show. Sometimes you have to give to receive!! so I signed up for six more months an I feel great because I know like myself there are people out there who need Eric and Company whether they know it today or not.
Mahalo for your time and energy for the Craft,
B.S. Hidalgo
Yes.
xo
(So wonderful, always, your talent for putting this trip into words.)
I feel truly humbled and that a place inside of me remembers what this is except it was eons and eons ago. The feeling is softness and gentleness just in existance and acceptance of innocent exploration. Also, cudos for brotherhood and sisterhood. Even though some of our brothers and sisters might not come from our family of origin, what a beautiful expression of love between Eric and Chelsea.
It’s so easy to get caught up in this division of masculine and feminine energy. I feel it all of the time within my own nature. The thing is, that the masculine is more comfortable, maybe because I’ve worn it for so long. It’s like this suit of armor that shields my needing and wanting to express more softly or the protection of my idealistic nature that feels itself shunned in this world: My ideas that peace, love and harmony can truly exist, the idea that we can honestly support one another irregardless of our own personal agendas. Ahhh, my cancer sun sure does work hard!
Dear Eric,
I have been observing your constantly evolving approach to love and relationships for several years, even back when you lived in Paris. I have said before in earlier comments how much I admire your transparency and honesty and the ability to express your truest devotion to love.
This has helped me enormously in carving out my path of difference in erotica and living in deep emotion in the face of opposition, steadfast approaches to marriage and monogamy and most of all, the tendency (especially around me, as I live in France) to want to totally possess your lover and be possessed by him in order to call it love.
As you say, jealousy is an important part of the possession package and is not seen as the divisive element it is, but as the glue to keep the narrow version of the couple intact.
I have always felt the notion of the couple to be too limiting, though my view seems alien in a world of people joined at the hip so I fear I must be missing some important point.
As I get older, as part of self-knowledge and acceptance (and thanks in large part to your inspiration) I have tried to bravely construct my unique equation that works for me (a kind of happiness management if you will, because what else can we try to manage?).
I realize my equation consists of harmony with my ex-husband and kids (and after 15 years of separation, total freedom without jealousy to explore our respective hearts), intense and sensual, erotic and intellectual connection with the people that I come across when I feel it and complete honesty with myself about when I do not (and when I have to let them go, although that is much more painful to me than the repeated rejections this approach also engenders).
Each thing takes us down the road a piece, each story seems to have its own pre-determined shelf-life and the beginning, the middle and the end are illusive, except in retrospect.
As you have often inferred, it is the surrender to the emotion and eroticism that allows us to discover ourself, as we discover the other, in layers. It can be terribly painful, but its rich and as a gemini, I am resilient and can survive the outer planetary flights of fancy and fantasy with only a few scratches here and there when I crash back down to the earthy ground or reality bites.
Just now I am in love with a man 22 years younger than I and the sound of his voice and his text messages make all the blood in my body rush around like a river. Despite his youthful bravado and cigarette hanging out of his mouth, I can feel his weak and even feminine side deep inside and that he is seduced by my masculine side, my power and mystery and loves to be a mystery to me.
So why do I suffer? Not knowing if he truly loves me back? Not knowing what the future holds? Fear (as many women have) of coming on too strong? Fear that it is mostly in my imagination? Baggage of unrequited or unreciprocated love?
What helps me often when I feel frozen by the fear (aside from your recent entry on venus and mars) is your once words: “work gently with your feelings”. It sounds simple, but its like music.
brinda
ps. i loved the phote of the girl in blue. Nobody wants to admit how close (the image of) pleasure and pain are inside of us. But you did with that photo. thanks.
pps. it was interesting that you cited Terrapin Station today because (coming from Marin County) I often think when Im in the midst of a new love story: “is it the end or beginning?”