There are good reasons compersion feels like such a radical idea; why for example feeling good about your partnerвЂ™s relationship with someone else feels so different. To most, the notion seems unconscionable. There are the ordinary ones: we вЂ?donвЂ™t want to think about that kind of thingвЂ™ or we equate monogamy (or the appearance of monogamy) with loyalty. That loyalty is the razorвЂ™s edge between being вЂ?with someoneвЂ™ and вЂ?being aloneвЂ™.
But letвЂ™s say youвЂ™re willing to go past the primal fear; youвЂ™re willing to think about it, even willing to feel it, and it starts to make sense that your partner is free and part of that freedom is opening the space inside yourself and in the relationship for them to have any experience they want. LetвЂ™s say you figure out that logic leaves you no choice.
What is so loving about attempting to define, limit or control the emotions or experiences of another person? Nothing at all; we just call it love to make it sound nice. Not all monogamous relationships have this as their basis, but we tend to see and experience this dynamic pretty frequently.