Hello — due to behind-the-scenes database restructuring, Maria’s article missed its pre-scheduled publishing time in the midst of a crash or hiccup of some sort. Since I was away much of the weekend and could not load the blog last night, I’ve only just realized it was missing. Here it is, a little late but none the worse for wear. — Amanda
By Maria Padhila
Ever had one of those moments where you’re clearly and precisely reminded why a former partner is former?
I have two formers (I don’t like to call them exes; “ex” sounds to me like you’re marking the person out) I’m thinking of right now. One I’m still friends with; one I don’t have contact with if I can avoid it. Both of them have a problem with ‘Nice Guy ™’ behavior.
If you don’t know the Nice Guy model, there’s been plenty talked around about it in the past 10 years or so. Short version is nice is not a nice way to be; it’s about someone who is fake-nice just to get something. The version that gets thrown around most often is one where it’s a guy who lacks some social skills who thinks by hanging around, being a ‘good listener’, and ‘helping’ a Cute Girl, he’ll eventually be rewarded by having her declare that she’ll be His Girlfriend forevermore. If this doesn’t happen, he gets hella resentful and sometimes mean or even abusive.
Remember, that’s just the model. I think this dynamic operates in a lot of other situations as well. There are plenty of Nice Girls and Nice Ladies and Nice Mamas out there. She’s the one who is always taking care of people, always ready to listen and break out the ice cream when you’re down, always cooking or cleaning for the extended family, always down to do the school volunteer work.