By Maria Padhila
I love advice columns. Even though I am in a state of confusion over my own life most of the time, I have a fantasy about writing an advice column where people would benefit from my great years of wisdom and experience. I could tell you just what to do! And it would be a disaster.
I read a question the other day where a woman was writing wondering whether she should, as another advice columnist, Dan Savage, puts it, “DTMFA.” That acronym stands not for an unusual sex act but for “Dump the Motherfucker Already.”
Her complaint began with a few paragraphs about how her boyfriend sometimes noticed other women and commented to her on their attractiveness. “I wouldn’t mind tapping that,” was one phrase used.
It wasn’t until the third paragraph that she mentioned, just in passing, that she also didn’t like that he went out drinking every night after work.
So, I know what advice I’d give: you’re really very concerned about a man commenting about how he’s attracted to other women, but you’re just a little bit worried that he’s going out drinking every night?
Let’s survey the possible damages here. In one case, a member of a couple shares an enthusiastic confidence about his feelings and appreciation of beauty. Even if you find his choice of language disrespectful, even if you don’t like to hear things like that and have said so — which you have a perfect right to feel and ask, of course — said expression of feelings is unlikely to cause any permanent physical damage.