So the usual impulse for someone in a dysfunctional system, the usual impulse for a Girl Scout like me at least, is to try to fix it. Solve it. Make it better. But it’s really difficult! Why is it so difficult?
You’re a person who’s used to taking responsibility, owning up to your own contribution, so you put your mind and your creativity to it. You try all kinds of solutions. You’re up all night, unable to sleep, trying out different solution scenarios, and sometimes you think you’ve found one. There’s nothing like it, when you get that sudden rush of “now I’ve got it!” when you think you’ve found a way to solve it all. “I’ll just say this!” you think. Or “I’ll just do that!”
And then you try it out in the morning light, and you get nowhere.
Or sometimes you get a little bit somewhere. Things really seem to get better for a while. You’re pretty proud of how you managed to heal this dysfunctional situation, this imbalanced relationship. And then it slips. And it slips a little more. And before you know it, it’s all rolling downhill on you again.
You spend a lot of time talking to your friends and lovers about it, too. You bounce all kinds of strategies and solutions off them. You get ideas, you hear about their experiences, and you consider trying their tack out for yourself. You try a few of their ideas, and you hope.