By Maria Padhila
Can you believe I’m going to talk about masturbation again this week? Well, I am — because this here is Planet Waves, and we can do that! Can I say one more time how much I appreciate the honesty and the bravery, not to mention the heart and humor, that comes across here, in all the different points of view? Thank you and amen.
So the view from the intersection of polyamory and masturbation is that traffic is moving steadily, but a little slowly from all the rubbernecking. This week, I’m hanging out at the crossroads thinking about the way a number of things intersect: Is masturbation cheating? (A lot of people think so.) How does a sexual relationship with yourself fit in with what you have with any other partner or partners — and how do all those relationships fit together?
It’s pretty common for people in polyamorous relationships (differentiated from those who are polyamorous but not in a relationship with anyone else) to say that they have trouble getting alone time. This is especially true for people just starting out in non-monogamy, from what I hear. On the surface, this is simply a time-management problem. It’s conceivable that it can be solved with a Google calendar: Block out time for yourself. There are also people in polyamorous relationships who simply don’t need as much alone time as others; it’s always a matter of personal preference.
There are actually many folks out there who are introverted and require more alone time who are also poly — and a lot of them write about it. Not all poly people are party people, going from Meetup to potluck to discussion group, hugging and chattering all the way. It’s quite a bit like sleeping: some like to spoon, maybe with as many other beloved humans as they can fit in the bed; others must have a room of their own, no matter how tiny that space.