By Maria Padhila
There’s a phenomenon in most tribes where there’s one kind of person or behavior that it’s OK to disparage. In poly, I think that position is occupied by the “unicorn hunter.”
This usually means a male/female couple who want to form a relationship with a woman. If you are new to poly, and go online or to an event and tell people you’re part of such a couple and you’re looking for a third, you’re likely to get scorched by the responses. The flames and shunnings arise out of a collection of assumptions all around that are worth examining, and many in the poly community have.
Where does this angry reaction come from? I don’t want to link to the negative posts and blog entries on the topic, so I’ll just summarize the arguments against, then quote some who present a more inclusive and tolerant view, or who are trying to forge some kind of understanding.
It’s not the Unicorn part, it’s the hunting part: The name itself is a trifle pejorative, as it assumes predatory behavior. And that assumption is at the base of what most dislike about this practice. You have a specific set of qualifications that you’re looking for, and you overlook anyone else during the hunt, not bothering to make friends, cultivate community, or bring much to the table. I can understand why people would find this obnoxious. I’d just say it would be nice to give someone a chance before assuming they’re a devoted “hunter” and not simply expressing a desire.