This encore column by Maria Padhila originally published Feb. 2, 2013. If you have ever suddenly realized just how much your awareness had shut down — by your own hand, or influenced by another’s shadows — this is worth a read. — Amanda
By Maria Padhila
I was halfway through a ‘real’ poly column all about ‘primaries’ and ‘secondaries’ in poly relationships, and how that whole concept is changing and going through a lot of major and heated discussion among poly people today, but something happened that was so encouraging I had to tell you all about it.
I know it takes a lot of effort to stay aware. It’s hard to keep yourself tuned in to what’s going on below the surface, to the full meaning of events, to the world where astrology and magick are logic and circumstance.
Even if you don’t choose to practice astrology or magick, simply living as a thoughtful person can be a tough struggle in the face of, at best, minor distractions and at worst deliberate attempts at misdirection and obfuscation. But if you don’t do it, I believe relationships tank and a lot of the enjoyment and juice goes out of life. Exercising awareness is like exercising any other muscle; it takes an effort, but it ends up energizing you; you stop doing it and you get more tired, not more refreshed.
Despite all I know to the contrary, I’d stopped doing it. Just about shut down. For about two months, it’s been nothing but overwork and very little sleep, too many family and friend dynamics seesawing and whipsawing me (as these do to so many around the holidays). I would think about writing and think, why bother? Everyone else is saying it first and better, and it’s not like it’s doing any good.
There were flashes. My weekend evenings I’m usually home with my daughter; Isaac is usually working and Chris often comes over and shares whatever kiddie dinner and kiddie movie or nature show my girl would like to see. My daughter, Tobi, and I would be doing the same thing if we were alone; I’d probably just make her something she likes and have some yogurt or a salad myself. One afternoon I was talking on the phone with Isaac before one of these evenings, and he asked if Chris was coming over for dinner. Yes, I said.