by Maria Padhila
Tonight, my daughter told me that I look like Alicia Silverstone. It’s not just that she had her love goggles on. We were looking at a website of photos of Celebrities Without Makeup — gasp! — that I’d found by chance, and I called her over to see what models and actresses really look like. She commented a lot on how the women looked angry sometimes, putting words in their mouths: “Why do they have to try to take my picture when I’m just TRYING to walk my DOG?!?” We talked about photos invading privacy, and how you could change photos using the computer, and how most of the pictures she saw were fixed up. Some of her favorites — Vanessa Hudgens, Miley Cyrus and Princess Arwen (Liv Tyler) — she declared to be much prettier without makeup. And then she saw Alicia and said she looked like me.
Well, I’m really more Hillary Swank, with a lot more nose and jaw. And scars. And wrinkles.
I came face to face with the looks issue at a recent hot tub and potluck gathering of poly women. They were talking about a recent “Law and Order” episode that involved swinging and poly in the plotline, and laughing about how everyone in the club was hot and in great shape. Very close to reality, yes? No. The women at the gathering were all shapes and sizes and ages. Like most Americans, a high percentage of them were larger than the magazine norm. Yet they all had the nerve to claim the sexuality they wanted, despite not looking like the porn star or TV ideal.
At almost 50, I’ve definitely been guilty of thinking I didn’t want to get out there and try for what I wanted until I looked the way I’m ‘supposed’ to look. Are you waiting, too? Why?
I’m thin and have an athletic shape, because I’m a distance runner and addicted to Bikram yoga. I do this, and eat carefully, because it means I can avoid depression and other health disorders I’m prone to and avoid medication. But I could use more solid abs, a boob job, dermabrasion, botox. Can’t afford a bit of it, and it scares me anyway.