By Maria Padhila
“Were you having dreams about two men talking about you?”
That was Chris’ question a few days after what we (three) had been jokingly calling the “summit,” when he and Issac got together to hang out and talk about our (three’s) relationship. Or at least that was the intention. Or maybe that was just my intention. I wanted the two of them to talk so that I wouldn’t so often be the intermediary in calendar disputes, feelings of inequality or disrespect for feelings, etc. I had to re-learn that my intentions have very little to do with what other people choose to do. That’s something I forgot to take into consideration in all my contemplation about this arrangement. Like Dorothy Parker said, you can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.
Chris meant “dreams” quite literally, because I eventually went to bed and to sleep while they stayed up and talked. That was the only way I could control my own lack of control of the conversation — I wanted not to be there. Preferably, I would have been in another state (not too hard when you live in the DMV), but in the bedroom alone would have to do.
I had been on pins and needles trying not to control anything from the start. Chris was asking about more overnights, which have been a tough subject. We’d been following the rule we learned at our first poly dinner meetup, which was “you only go as fast as the slowest one in the group.” Isaac was okay with our overnights when we were traveling, camping, or doing art or ritual, but not with my staying over on a more casual basis. A lot of that is our work — we don’t have many times when he can sleep in with me and then schlep off to brunch or a yoga class together, and he doesn’t want to give up the few days when that’s possible. I first asked Isaac if he could propose a date for him and Chris to get together.
“Why?” he asked.