By Maria Padhila
“So you’re poly — doesn’t that mean you screw everyone?”
This is the kind of thinking I thought wasn’t being thought, but it’s apparently still a problem.
Recently, a group I’m in posted a notice about a sex-positive, BDSM weekend event that sounded fun, though it’s not really my thing and I don’t often get a free weekend to play. But the group had to post, on its FAQ, a certain question that still gets asked: “If I come to this, will I get laid?”
The answer, dear friends, depends on you — that was the gist of the reply. But in there was a lot of wisdom about expectations, behavior, and how not to be a jerk, male or female.
A leader of the local group then posted an extremely edifying link to the Freaksexual blog by Pepomint. It led me to a long article Pepomint created for men about how to make non-monogamy work better for you. (I corresponded with Pepomint and will be doing an interview in the future, but he was unable to do it this week because of mild illness. He told me to quote away freely.)
The article is well worth the time it takes to read it and think it over, whether you’re thinking poly or not. While it’s geared toward men, it gave me a lot of insight. It’s basically an instruction manual on how to deconstruct a lot of myths and expectations that do a number on men, women, and all points in between. It’s written with compassion, practicality, and good humor — Pepomint is, refreshingly, not a snarker.