Dear Friend and Reader,
AS A PERSON of color in America,В I amВ always aware of vocal tone. Tone in how one is addressed,В theВ volume of the voice,В whether its brazen and condescending, or concerned and respectful. In a way, I’m hard-wired when it comes to deciphering what people say to me. Words can sometimes mean something absolutely different from what is actually said. Call it a survival instinct, but I’ve learned living in America that I often need to filter what people say to me, because they don’t know what they’re really saying, or meaning.
I remember having a conversation with my sister on a beach in Honolulu. We were vacationing, and my sister asked me about the geneology of the families in War of the Roses fromВ Shakespeare’s Richard II and III. As we were talking, a white woman came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, in all earnestness, “You speak English so WELL”.
My sister, with a Master’s degree in education was flummoxed, and I paused, counting to five. “Well, we’re American”.
She said “Is that so? But really, what are you?”
“We’re American.” I said.
“Well yes, but what are you, really?” she asked, sweetly.
At last night’s debate, in Senator McCain’s response to a question about energy,В he pointed to his side, not even looking at Senator Obama,В saying “..do you know who voted for it? (an energy bill in 2005)…THAT one!”
Maybe he meant well. But–“that one”? That, as in not even a person. Not a person fromВ your peer group, which he is, professionally. That one. No name. No face. No identity.
Being pegged as a non-entity is nothing new for “others”. Everyone has had it happen to them–women, men, people of color, young people, old people, gay, straight. When someone calls you “that,” you’re an example, a piece of evidence, not a human being with a history, a family, deserved respect for your accomplishments. You’re an “other”, at your expense. Definitely outside the “norm”.
It’s remarkable that we’re not only witnessing an historic campaign that involves America’s first African-American Presidential nominee. We’re also watching a campaign between generations as well as races. PerhapsВ SenatorВ McCain did not know that his remark was off-putting and condescendingВ to Senator Obama,В the people watching andВ the press and pundits who notedВ this remark with a sense of dismay.
I was struck and saddened that I saw it happen in such a large venue before probably millions of viewers. As a senator, representingВ a stateВ populated by people with different languages and cultures, it was an oddly patheticВ instance in the life portraitВ of a man who just didn’t know how out of touch he was at that moment,В with the world. In my heart of hearts, I’m hoping that’s what it is, because the darker aspect of it is alarming.
The sad fact of the matter is that there are plenty of people out there who will never want to learn how to pronounce Barack Obama’s name, or say it, and would much prefer to call him “That One”.В The Other. You can call me over-sensitive, perhaps touchy about race and class in America, but I am still not convinced there are enough people out there who would override the ignorance, isolation and fearВ that keeps this country lagging from lurchingВ all the wayВ forward into a twenty-first century multi-cultural world, let alone accept a black man as President of the United States. True, there are many who have crossed that bridge long ago. I’m relieved my own niece and nephew are part of a world where their family nameВ is not only pronounced perfectly by their peers, but their bi-racial heritage andВ culturesВ are embraced.
But I still watch almost reflexively for signs of more of the same that my sister and I experienced on that beach in Honolulu. Its partВ my hard-wiring, needing to be on constant “idiot watch” when that stuff happens. It takes alot of energy to teach at that “teachable moment.” Many have yet to musterВ upВ a willingness to learn toВ say the name of the bridge they need to cross.
Yours & truly,
Fe Bongolan
bkoehler:
“…will lessen the need for anyone to feel invisible anymore.”
Its no small secret in this country and probably throughout the planet that this election is a pivotal moment in our collective history. Let us pray that we make the wisest choice that we can.
“No matter where it comes from or where it goes, bigotry is a form of abuse that needs to be recognized and reckoned with.”
I think as a country, we’ve been used to dealing with “others” the way tribes do. Outside of “the tribe”, you’re suspect.
Everyone who came over has had a turn at this. Some more than others, and the ones who were brought over unwillingly most of all.
Gardener:
Its really amazing what people assume simply because of what you look like.
Bigotry is insidious – as we all know – and works at many levels. I’m “white” but grew up as minority in a primarily black city/neighborhood (Detroit). Being “whitey” wasn’t exactly fun. Here in LA, people often assume I’m Hispanic since my white skin tans easily and I’ve got long dark hair….(my blue eyes throw them off if I take off the shades).
When I lived in Santa Fe, tourists often thought I was Native American.
Point is, people all too often seek out and point out DIFFERENCES rather than our similarities. (Sometimes this is out of interest; most often, it is not.)
I’ll never forget the day in sixth grade when my “friends” (or they were up until that moment) stuck out their hands (fists) and showed me how they were black and I was not; therefore, we were now (suddenly) different and I was not good enough to participate in their social group.
No matter where it comes from or where it goes, bigotry is a form of abuse that needs to be recognized and reckoned with.
Fe Bongolan-
“. . . .because my folks were taught that being invisible meant safety.”
You would think being Anglo-Saxon (or so I’ve been told) would be enough to make you feel safe in this country, but I agree that being more or less invisible means safety. Speaking the language, wearing the uniform and conforming to the “roles” can also help keep you off the radar screen.
However, these times we live in are encouraging many of us to express our own otherness, and to appreciate the otherness of . . umm. . others. Bless you and those like you who speak out in defense of Barack Obama. Thanks for praying that his safe passage through the minefield of these history-making times will lessen the need for anyone to feel invisible anymore.
Guru Mystes – You might just be right. I didn’t sense any contempt from McCain.
Fe, sometimes people speak Spanish to my daughter, though she is an indian. I worked with some women at a public building this summer, restoring the flower beds. Someone stopped and asked one of the women if we were prisoners! haha – that was either really nervey, or the person wanted to contact the jail and borrow us for another project!
“…and those who want to either control or be controlled, (’buy” the people) wouldn’t you say?”
Agreed. I wish there could be a nationwide moratorium on televion watching. Particularly the pundit news, and those who will do your “deciding” for you, as well as your thinking. That stuff really deadens your alarm factors, your intellect and massages your lizard brain to unhealthy proportions.
Sorry, forgot spell-check.
Oh! And just to ridicule — I LOVED that McBrain had to take copious notes during the “debate”. Like he can’t remember what’s going on? What topic they’re on? What he might want to say? Ha. I had to turn the tube off several times last night (then back on). Really just pissed me off so much to have the LIES just streaming like that. Obama’s ability to maintain dignity of presence and clarity of thought (in the prescense of McLie) are certainly two of his biggest assets.
John McCain’s bigotry knows no borders. Other “lies” tied to bigotry he uttered last night were that “the American people are the best workers in the world”. Listen between the words – not only is it debatable that we could fill this description today (proof that McCain is living in the past) but his tone and context put him right “up there” with the “better-than-thou”s.
I found his most durogatory and therefore repulsive comment to be the one where ‘we’d do it like Regan and Tip O’Neill did — that is, “we’ll get a bunch of SMART PEOPLE to sit around a table and work it out”…….apparently we’ll just blindly accept “smart people” –whoeverthehellthatmightbe ’cause certainly we’re not (smart).
2) apparently we don’t need to know what the plan is – we just need to have faith in g-d –I mean – in The Maverick.
3) After all The Smart People know what’s best for us.
THIS is the Way of Being that creates holocausts. “It’s OK Friends! Just Trust Me!
Ha. The contest – I mean election – is between (one who represents) those who want the government originally designed to exist in the country (for the people, by the people) and those who want to either control or be controlled, (‘buy” the people) wouldn’t you say?
An excerpt from Karen Bradley’s diary on Kos:
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/10/8/124711/054/440/624008
“The Eternal Imprisonment of John McCain: Debate Movement Analysis”
[snip]
“Barack Obama elicited a nod of agreement from one man, who had asked about Israel and Iran. But the real moment of authentic relationship came near the end, when Senator Obama tried to answer (and failed to be specific about) the question about what he needed to learn. He deferred to his wife. The bond between the Obamas is powerful and resonant, and Michelle’s piercing and passionate silent exchange with her husband at the moment he referred to her spoke volumes. Make no mistake about it, these two are a duet. It is clear to those watching that, while he may have difficulty, at times, focusing and directing his attention, all he has to do is look at her and he is instantly reminded of who he is and what he is doing.
But John McCain is a solo, solitary guy. When he smiles and relaxes, he can be engaging and present. He did not smile or relax nearly enough last night. What we observed was a man who carries how own prison with him, emerging only occasionally for a wistful foray with the world of possibilities and who, when speaking of decisive leadership, tended to negate his strong words with unsteady side-stepping. When he spoke about carrying a big stick, channeling Teddy Roosevelt, he looked down and then side-to-side rapidly, as if the enemy was coming momentarily. At one point, he literally backed up as he was laying out his readiness to lead. He has been trying to reassure us that he can take care of and protect us from terrible things, but he often looks worried himself, and hardly prepared to unlock his own strength, much less rally the troops.
It can be heart-breaking to watch this epic election struggle unfold. From the Vietnam War to Watergate to Iran Contra to BCCI to Iraq to the current economic crisis, ambition and greed have generated hubris and poor judgment, causing too many to overreach, bypassing their fellow citizens along the way and causing great grief to the country and the world. John McCain clearly knows this, but from his own cell, he is helpless to equip others to do what he cannot and has not done.
Barack Obama also knows the dangers of overreaching, and has perhaps been too cautious and nonspecific in his leadership style. In the past two debates he has landed on clear strong intentions; enough to assure the voters that he knows he cannot be arrogant or vague. He must take strong lucid stands against the real enemies that plague us: our own appetites, ever unsatisfied, and our tendency towards indifference to the world we share. But after all the observations are finished, one piece of evidence stands out in its clarity: it is Michelle who helps him get to the heart of the matter.
Obama is comprehensive and complex; McCain is simple and straightforward. Obama is a mobilizer, McCain is a stabilizer. On these levels, the choices are easy: at this point in time, what does the country need most from its leaders?
Last night, however, revealed far more than the differences between each man’s style. Last night we saw the fullness of the dilemma we are in as a country played out.
The confined man cannot move us ahead. The free man gives us hope. And maybe hope is all we can wish for now.”
Tachikata:
I like it when Obama wears the shades, takes off the tie and is photographed holding his copy of Zakaria’s new book “The Post-American World”.
Its really a picture of a new post-empire America.
mystes:
That Obama gives McCain a political woody is a fabulous rumor. Should we spread it around the “tubes”?
Yeah, something like that. . . Senator John seems, I don’t know, physically *pulled-in* around Senator Barak – it doesn’t feel like revulsion, it looks/feels like repressed attraction. Now whether it tickles the groin or not is anybody’s guess. There are intellectual and spiritual crushes, why not political?
mystes:
Are you suggesting that McCain has a huge MAN-CRUSH on Obama?
😉
I know this is going to sound a wee bit beyond my usual levels of uh, interpretation, but honestly, I thought I heard the tiniest bit of affection in McCain’s “that one.”
The fact that Senator John can’t quite bring himself to look directly at the Golden One seems a bit like he has a crush. McCain was at one time a smart and principled gent – see cover of the NRDC magazine in 2004. I have theory that part of him is calling the shots more effectively than any of us realize. Bringing in Palin may have been WisdomMcCain’s way of *throwing* the race to the person he knows in-his-heart-of-hearts is the better person for the job.
Remember when Kerry was toying with the idea of asking JM to be his running mate?
He’s a crypto-Dem, folks. These spasms just give it away.
Hey Anna T:
I am a first-generation American (born here). My parents are from the Philippines. I was born in the 50s, and an “English-only” baby, because my folks were taught that being invisible meant safety. My mother was a survivor of the Japanese occupation, and there are a few tales about that I will share later on down the road.
In the meantime, “otherness” is the theme of these days, I think. Fear of it, and the dawning realization that we are a nation of “others”. I’m praying alot these days, for Obama, for my niece and nephew, for this world. It doesn’t feel like an easy transition, but its a transition that’s happening. Glad I’m here to be part of this community, and to have a grip on what these days mean.
Be well, and thanks for asking.
So, Fe –
What is your ethnic background, so obviously exotic to a “white” woman? (I am just curious, having had people wonder where I was “from”, and what I “was”, all my life, but I have tended to enjoy the recognition of my otherness from some milky norm!
AnnaT