One day I figured out that my whole adult life I had been claiming back inner territory involving my sexuality and my freedom to love. I wrote to my therapist, Joe Trusso, and asked him if he thought this was always the case, or would be. In a repressive society, he said, probably.
One problem we have is we don’t know what’s been taken from us. How could we? Who would tell us? We have little concept of what emotional bonding or sex were in more evolved or peaceful or less patriarchal societies would look or feel like. We have only hints of sexual reality in the pre-Christian era, though the few clues we have suggest that it was considered normal rather than controversial. We don’t know what it’s like to be in a world where men and women experience equality or level ground; or parallel opportunity; the equal right to exist and to be cared for by one another; the right to approach one another in social encounters on level ground.
We have only faint clues, if any, what it could be if we opened to even part of our stolen or concealed potential — though as we take territory back, we get bits of information. That may come from subtle levels of awareness like what our DNA, our dreams, our senses and or art tell us. I think we also get pointers as to how far we have to go, and how challenging it is to find freedom and hold that space open. I trust that every person on some level feels that longing for freedom to share, to receive, and to be more authentic despite whatever may be preventing that.
The stolen territory has as its boundaries guilt, shame, ‘body issues’ and other forms of self-hatred; as well as embarrassment and the fear of being found out for whatever secrets we might be holding or facts we might be afraid to let on about. It is reinforced by various forms of past abuse, including rape and childhood sexual abuse; the guilt trip of religion; and many others that work like ‘the shame that binds you’. Most of the time we skirt around the tiny interior of this boundary, rarely if ever entering the vast landscape that exists beyond these shadow borders. In my experience, most people have some aspect of their sexuality they are ashamed of or that disgusts them: some thought, action, physical attribute or tendency. That does not make it disgusting in truth, but we would need to confront the judgment before we can set it aside.