“A fire in an airplane — not such a good thing.”
— Jasper Schuringa
Dear Aunt Sally
Now what do I say?
Well, thank you very much for the underwear
There. Now what do I write?
I always love underwear…
— Danny Kaye
Okay so — what exactly was in the astrology chart of the Underwear Bomber incident on flight 253 from Amsterdam to Detroit? [Note, the time used in this article is one hour off. The correct chart appears in the comments area below, and we will revise the interpretations based on the new time. In essence, the new chart makes the same points more clearly. The old chart maintains some validity as the “original stated time.” However, this puts us on alert that there is a time issue. Let’s keep an eye on this, since the time seems to be slippery. I would appreciate if we could focus some discussion on refining the time, and also take a look at the takeoff chart from Amsterdam. Thank you and back to writing Cosmic Confidential.]
Before we go there, I just want to point out that the Security Machine likes to make big moves after something sort of happens. Remember the Shoe Bomber? Now for the rest of eternity we will have to take off our shoes going through airport security. I have always secretly wondered what would happen if somebody tried to sneak a bomb in a baby one day. Would we have to X-ray every baby?
Now are we going to have to take off our shoes, coat and undies before we go through security? Will Victoria’s Secret be present at all airports to assist TSA employees?
Why don’t they use the perfectly good security measures they already have, and that we already pay for? They’re telling us that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was on the terrorist watch list, and his dad reported him to the Feds, but he strolled through ticketing and security? Does anyone remember the time that Sen. Ted Kennedy, as recognizable as Bono, Bill Clinton or George Bush, was held up boarding the flight he took home regularly (as in, for decades) because his name matched a suspected terrorist on the watch list?
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab can get on an airplane with high explosives, but Sen. Kennedy was detained?
Really? Shut the fuck up. I know Umar boarded in Amsterdam, where security officials step out for a few bong hits and a quick romp with a hooker during their ‘coffee’ breaks. Even the sniffer dogs get a little dognip as a treat, when they’re not playing Frisbee. But the watch list is supposed to be used by US airlines to track people coming into the United States. We can chalk this up to Mercury about to station retrograde in our chart; in the sign Capricorn — corporate and government officials not quite doing their bit. We can, that is, if we assume Mercury is always retrograde in Capricorn.