We have a Capricorn-themed week ahead of us, with the Capricorn New Moon on Friday and Venus entering Capricorn tonight just before 11:11 pm EST. In between, another current Capricorn feature is raising questions about relationship structures, genuine commitment and true sexual freedom: the asteroid Juno (yes, her again!) conjunct Pluto.
There seems to be some kind of paradox in how we conceptualize ‘freedom’ culturally. Does it mean staying completely un-tethered, always having all options open? Or is it possible to get ‘stuck’ in an idea of freedom that is actually a form of blind rebellion against what we fear?
How many of our attempts at exercising our freedom — especially sexual freedom — are truly based on authentic desire, rather than rebellion out of a fear of stuck-ness?
Synchronicity struck as I was contemplating the current astrology. On a friend’s Facebook post about freedom, another friend wrote the following:
I remember the moment that I realized focusing on being ‘free’ was in fact very limited.
It limited me from being in committed relationships, or joining into groups. I thought being free was not being ‘stuck’ so it came out of fear. Now I know real freedom means jumping in with my whole self and passion, and most importantly at my own pace. Being really free means never being ‘stuck’ but facing the difficult shifts and changes. Do I do it even most of the time? No, but I know the option and catch myself. I constantly meet up with that fear of being sucked up by someone or something.
At the same time, the tendency to be a free spirit gives perspective and wisdom NOT to follow the crowd, so it certainly is a ‘soulful paradox’ …
Now here we are with Juno conjunct Pluto in Capricorn. Pluto is doing its deep, transformative, foundation-erupting push through our ideas about marriage, jealousy, and commitment versus obligation/expectation — the whole nine yards when it comes to our ideas about sexual relationships.
The astrology is asking us, ‘does marriage actually provide a framework for commitment?’ If the answer is ‘no’ — and the rates of divorce and cheating suggest that’s the case — then where can we find that framework? I’m not even suggesting that polyamory as it’s generally practiced is the answer. In fact, I’m not sure I know a good answer to that question.
In tossing around some ideas with Eric, however, he brought up some good questions. One in particular seems to tie into the quotation above: “What actual agreements do you make, and why?”
People make agreements in their sexual/intimate relationships for all sorts of reasons: out of guilt; to spare their partner guilt or jealousy; out of an expectation that the other will automatically make and honor the same agreement; because ‘this is what is done’. Some people do make relationship agreements out of a deep devotion to the other’s wholeness and an acknowledgment that both parties will grow and change along the way. Culturally, this is not the more common path.
Eric also asked:
What do you do because your parents or grandparents expect it?
Who are your examples for healthy, creative relationships? How many people can you name that have the kind of relationship that you want — people you know intimately?
What is the role of guilt in your life? What do you do or not do out of guilt or to avoid feeling guilty? Be specific in that answer.
We’re going to keep developing these themes and more throughout the week, and I’d love to see your thoughts and questions and answers to the questions posed here as we explore. We are in a moment of potentially very fertile, creative energy with regard to our collective approach to relationships, commitment, marriage and sexual freedom.
As with many creative pursuits, it may be that we’re best able to explore and invent most richly and freely within some sort of container. Capricorn (ruled by Saturn) is providing that container, though with Pluto there it may be more challenging to recognize its walls than it used to be. Luckily we have Venus in Capricorn as of later tonight. Venus in Cap offers the strength and patience necessary to overcome any fear, selfishness, jealousy or insecurity in love that Juno and Pluto may be stirring up.
Can we allow ourselves the freedom to let those things go? Friday’s New Moon may actually be an opportunity to leave the past behind once we’ve said goodbye to it.