We have a Capricorn-themed week ahead of us, with the Capricorn New Moon on Friday and Venus entering Capricorn tonight just before 11:11 pm EST. In between, another current Capricorn feature is raising questions about relationship structures, genuine commitment and true sexual freedom: the asteroid Juno (yes, her again!) conjunct Pluto.
There seems to be some kind of paradox in how we conceptualize ‘freedom’ culturally. Does it mean staying completely un-tethered, always having all options open? Or is it possible to get ‘stuck’ in an idea of freedom that is actually a form of blind rebellion against what we fear?
How many of our attempts at exercising our freedom — especially sexual freedom — are truly based on authentic desire, rather than rebellion out of a fear of stuck-ness?
Synchronicity struck as I was contemplating the current astrology. On a friend’s Facebook post about freedom, another friend wrote the following:
I remember the moment that I realized focusing on being ‘free’ was in fact very limited.
It limited me from being in committed relationships, or joining into groups. I thought being free was not being ‘stuck’ so it came out of fear. Now I know real freedom means jumping in with my whole self and passion, and most importantly at my own pace. Being really free means never being ‘stuck’ but facing the difficult shifts and changes. Do I do it even most of the time? No, but I know the option and catch myself. I constantly meet up with that fear of being sucked up by someone or something.
At the same time, the tendency to be a free spirit gives perspective and wisdom NOT to follow the crowd, so it certainly is a ‘soulful paradox’ …
Now here we are with Juno conjunct Pluto in Capricorn. Pluto is doing its deep, transformative, foundation-erupting push through our ideas about marriage, jealousy, and commitment versus obligation/expectation — the whole nine yards when it comes to our ideas about sexual relationships.
The astrology is asking us, ‘does marriage actually provide a framework for commitment?’ If the answer is ‘no’ — and the rates of divorce and cheating suggest that’s the case — then where can we find that framework? I’m not even suggesting that polyamory as it’s generally practiced is the answer. In fact, I’m not sure I know a good answer to that question.
In tossing around some ideas with Eric, however, he brought up some good questions. One in particular seems to tie into the quotation above: “What actual agreements do you make, and why?”
People make agreements in their sexual/intimate relationships for all sorts of reasons: out of guilt; to spare their partner guilt or jealousy; out of an expectation that the other will automatically make and honor the same agreement; because ‘this is what is done’. Some people do make relationship agreements out of a deep devotion to the other’s wholeness and an acknowledgment that both parties will grow and change along the way. Culturally, this is not the more common path.
Eric also asked:
What do you do because your parents or grandparents expect it?
Who are your examples for healthy, creative relationships? How many people can you name that have the kind of relationship that you want — people you know intimately?
What is the role of guilt in your life? What do you do or not do out of guilt or to avoid feeling guilty? Be specific in that answer.
We’re going to keep developing these themes and more throughout the week, and I’d love to see your thoughts and questions and answers to the questions posed here as we explore. We are in a moment of potentially very fertile, creative energy with regard to our collective approach to relationships, commitment, marriage and sexual freedom.
As with many creative pursuits, it may be that we’re best able to explore and invent most richly and freely within some sort of container. Capricorn (ruled by Saturn) is providing that container, though with Pluto there it may be more challenging to recognize its walls than it used to be. Luckily we have Venus in Capricorn as of later tonight. Venus in Cap offers the strength and patience necessary to overcome any fear, selfishness, jealousy or insecurity in love that Juno and Pluto may be stirring up.
Can we allow ourselves the freedom to let those things go? Friday’s New Moon may actually be an opportunity to leave the past behind once we’ve said goodbye to it.
Thanks for your kind words Jude. Feels like my heart exploded. Grief is a process they say. One day at a time without Clyde. It is hard.
I empathize, starrynight and send you a BIG virtual-hug. This week brought tears as a dear beagle, Daisy Mae, within my extended family passed and today I attend the funeral of a good friend, gone way too young. Closure is all around us.
Seth, channeled in the 70s, told Jane Roberts that her cat represented aspects of her mother-in-law, with whom she was in combat. Another of her animals came to her so that she could express unconditional love; she and the cat, both, would be healed by her willingness to do so. We underestimate the role critters play in our lives.
I trust you will bring the best of mingled energies to your future, in memory and in love.
Most Tenderly, Jude
Later this day, I unexpectedly lost my beloved friend Clyde, a Newfie mix who was with us for 9 years. And so my world changed forever on Jan. 8 2013. He was a great spirit and taught me as he continues to teach me about love and commitment and life. He represented, in a way, the best of who my husband Wayne and I are as a couple. His loss leaves an indescribable void. A question that arises is What will we create together from today forward, without Clyde? He was a part of “us.” and a part of “me.” I am bereft.
Decidedly Amanda, is human to err, I’m sorry for taking you for Eric. It seems to me this is the second time that I am wrong… I was so hooked to my inner star that my mind was in one elsewhere that is often better than cling to these terrestrial concerns…
Very nice day to you all
Yes grown-ups in the Juno Pluto energies would not be the effect of the last chance? Jean Billon in his book the world of the asteroids speaks very ancient karmic relationship and would back the power of feelings to the surface of consciousness
This Moon News comes on my MC… thanks Eric
Me?
I think when all the focus is on oneself ( freedom to, freedom from , etc etc) and not ALSO on the dynamic as a couple, then one is taking the easy way out.
It is much more complex to behave a certain way when one considers how one moves as a couple and not just as an individual.
Communication is the key. Fluidity is the key. Accepting that relationships change over time is the key.
But, if one only acts with one’s self interest in mind, then one may as well be only with oneself.
Now, how one balances one’s individual needs, desires, wants, nutrition with that of a couple’s needs, desires, wants, nutrition with that of one’s partner’s needs, desires, wants, and nutrition? That’s the million dollar question. I was in a play recently, and my line was
“There are no answers. Only questions.”
And there are no absolute answers when in comes to the human condition.
Communiation. Honest communication complete with sharing fears and hopes and dreams and reality testing, even after it comes after a period of dishonesty or self deceit or confusion is, for me, indeed the key to , at least, trying to find an answer that makes a little bit of sense.
Love thus article and thread. Freedom to is what it’s all about. Love and commitment are a daily choice, not an event. The purpose of which is to nurture and support the growth and whole ness of the other. when two choose this together it is a spiritual path. It is not about being each others drug or source of power, which is what falling in love can become if we choose (usually unconsciously). It is about having your own source and path and honoring the path of another. If that means separating fine. But on this path, it usually doesn’t because you do support rather than stifle each others who wholeness.
@ Dawn; I think we knew what you meant. :::smiling:::
Our culture seems to glorify that “first romance” feeling in just about every novel, TV program, magazine article and movie. Who reads about the marriage? We usually read about the hot and sexy flush of intense feeling of the beginning of romance. We are programmed to want that. We are adrenaline junkies; addicted to the newest, latest, biggest feelings. I once heard someone say “I want to have it all; as much as I can get now that my life is half over.” That is not an “other” centered or service centered approach to life; it seems to be from a place of lacking something. If we believe the media, few seem to value the warm, steady feelings of comfortable familiarity. This can cause many to miss out on the wonderful aspects of such a contented state; their restless searching never ceasing or giving respite.
Thanks Care and Amanda – tho, eesh, I said it backwards – shoulda been the bloom goes off the rose!
“The rose goes off the bloom, and we look elsewhere for that falling in love/head over heels feeling, as if it was a drug we’re addicted to. Maturity understands that the rose can bloom, again and again, if your heart allows it.”
This is so well stated. Thanks, Dawn.
dawnbrocco & carecare7 — great points, and long the lines of what i was feeling for:
“When people can get past sex as being the main reason/basis for a relationship, and truly Love another person, and *decide to* (invoking and using one’s Freedom To, not freedom from), it all becomes quite simple.”
and:
“It is the weeding out of the social (and generational) pressure/programming that is often the difficult part. Is it really you that is in need of changing or is that feeling coming from family generational stuff or societal pressure and expectations? Therein lies the question to answer before doing anything else.”
as someone who has been doing a lot of weeding this past year, i can say i’m amazed at how much more weeding there seems to be to do. but that “freedom *to*” is something i’m seeing a little more clearly, i think.
we’ll see…!
“Some people do make relationship agreements out of a deep devotion to the other’s wholeness and an acknowledgment that both parties will grow and change along the way. Culturally, this is not the more common path.”
When people can get past sex as being the main reason/basis for a relationship, and truly Love another person, and *decide to* (invoking and using one’s Freedom To, not freedom from), it all becomes quite simple.
Life is hard enough, even when devoted to each other. Begin the journey with less than a full basket of awareness of *why* you’re together, and, yes, the relationship will likely end at some point. Quoting The Best Years of Our Lives, 1946:
“”We never had any trouble.” How many times have I told you I hated you and believed it in my heart? How many times have you said you were sick and tired of me; that we were all washed up? How many times have we had to fall in love all over again? ”
The rose goes off the bloom, and we look elsewhere for that falling in love/head over heels feeling, as if it was a drug we’re addicted to. Maturity understands that the rose can bloom, again and again, if your heart allows it.
Bless you for your kind words of support and encouragement, sweet Len!
Pam – thanks for the links! I love Kung Fu Panda, you picked 2 of my fav scenes.
Gwind – that’s really interesting work on guilt you’re doing, very inspiring.
One of the things associated with Saturn is structure and structure implies some forms of containment and/or restriction. A house walls off (restricts) the elements from coming in and making the occupants cold, wet, or too hot. A gardener weeds out and thins some seedlings (restricts their growth) to make it easier for the rest of the seedlings to grow to fruition. These are Saturn things. Many people seem to fear these kinds of structures or restrictions yet unstructured can mean exposure to the elements (as in the case of a wall-less house) or limited growth despite potential (because weeds and too many seedlings choke the garden). Too much freedom or too much restriction are both out of balance.
My point is, in our society there is often a real push (sometimes unconscious) for “having it all.” That implies no restrictions. The “Law of Attraction” as it is typically taught is usually about getting without restrictions. Saturn is the guy that makes us recognize that some restrictions are necessary for our growth. Take the Saturn Return; before the first one many people seem almost childlike in their thinking but the sobering effects of that first Saturn return often changes them into a realistic adult who sees that some restrictions are part of life and can be good for us.
I see the fear of Saturn (and the fear of being tied down in relationships) as the person fearing the responsibility that such relationships require; some people think, “If I tie myself down what will I miss along the way or what will I be giving up because of that?” So Saturn sweeps by in our lives to help teach us about that responsibility and that balance between having and not having. Saturn is about compromise, sometimes giving up some notions, or maybe realizing that too much freedom is as limiting as too little.
It is important to note that not everyone prefers the freedom of not being tied down; some people prefer the structure of the relationship and the comforting walls of the house that keeps them warm. The free ones and the structured ones are not wrong; just different. Not everyone is meant to be a trash collector or brain surgeon and not everyone is meant to be in relationships. It is all good.
Having written that I also need to add this: if being what you are causes you pain (and after determining if that pain comes from a social pressure or generational programming or from within your own needs) and you believe you need to change, then Saturn can help you do that.
It is the weeding out of the social (and generational) pressure/programming that is often the difficult part. Is it really you that is in need of changing or is that feeling coming from family generational stuff or societal pressure and expectations? Therein lies the question to answer before doing anything else.
Please note the many qualifiers in this post: many, some, may, often, one of, seem, etc. I am not making absolutes here; I am just making general conversation about Saturn and the role it may play in some people’s lives.
I recently watched a Russell Means interview where he spoke about caucasian guilt, how deep inside we know, we remember, and try to deny all the atrocities that have occurred in the u.s. in the cultural genocide of Native Americans. Then on another list that I am on, someone spoke of gifting and donating, pointing out differences in cultures and how important it is to recognize that fact when donating or volunteering. What role are we playing when we offer to help someone who may have less material things than we do? I realized how agendas in various forms influence what we do without being conscious of those motives.
Because of these two experiences, I have been watching how guilt enters my day. Simple things, like driving by the guy on the corner selling newspapers and I don’t want one, don’t want to recycle one, but want to help him, I pass, without making eye contact, to stepping in front of someone in a store or allowing someone to go first, even if it was appropriate for me go first, to driving by a neighbor, not stopping to chat because I want to get on with what I am doing, the list just kept getting larger as my daily life went on. It has been like watching my own guilt movie, not big stifling episodes, but systematic tiny ones that at the end of the day were too numerous to count. Ouch! They add up. They permeate my life. They help formulate how I think and how I act. They are the underlying fabric in my personality and how I see the world.
Relationships:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwfIb9UgNjc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O_IQ__zwB8
?!
xxxp
Amanda: Many thanks to you, Eric, and your friend for getting things started with pertinent, useful questions. For many of us, the answers are not easy, even elusive, but with the questions there as a means of connection, we are well served by your piece today.
Lizzy: You deserve to be supported and commended for your courage. Thank you for being an example of that.
Thank you for this powerful piece, Amanda! Your FB friend is very wise. I have always prided myself on being a ‘free spirit’ – but I kind of realise that a lot of my concept of freedom is based on fear. The only long, committed relationship I had was so neurotic, mirrored so much of my mother and her relationship with my father, that I’ve kept well away from relationships for years. But I’m ready to get those feet wet again, to muster up the necessary courage (well almost – Saturn’s only just moved into Scorpio), and there’s some wonderful advice on how to go about it here.