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I don’t think he was talking about frigidity. I think it’s a simple as not having sex with someone who is disgusted by sex.
And Kosmic Mind, I agree, I have a plethora of planets in the 2nd, 8th and 11th houses. My 11th house stellium has often found me obsessed with wanting to belong in a group.
Pam, what is a yob?
“If you’re not fucking up, you’re not doing it right.” I loved this, Eric. Thank you.
I think Mars in Scorpio (sharing space with Saturn) square Jupiter and the encroaching New Moon speak to this quite clearly. It takes practice and consistency to forge a bridge with our creative nature and allow it expression in the world. It’s interesting the natural friction (square) between say the 8th and 5th houses, or Leo and Scorpio–archetypes we associate with creativity (Leo, 5th) and intercourse/intimacy (Scorpio, 8th). The two catalyze one another, or can overpower the other. Sometimes I find that too much emphasis on sex can equally drain my creative energy; but that complete avoidance of sex can do the same. A proper balance is needed, as always.
As far as self-esteem, It seems that astrologically, the whole issue lies in the axis of Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius (2nd, 5th, 8th, 11th houses respectively). In our culture, money (2nd house/Taurus issues) plays so much a role in this. Our sense of self-worth is so inextricably tied up with how much we make, which equates to how much confidence we have in the world. Monetary resources=Confidence, creative and sexual resources=confidence, friends and social acceptance=confidence. Just some thoughts from this. Thank you 🙂
coucou Eric,
(not objecting to cunt just to being just a c**t and t*ts. I imagine your mentor was talking about frigidity with the chatte conversation? Just being a c**t and t*ts is the counterpart?)
Hi Shelley – yes willy isn’t very racy is it. I guess there are all types. Shared intensity, for me.
(fully agree with what you say, there is also that siamese cat quality about everything french too – you don’t ever really get a french ‘yob’ do you, surely other things, but not yob. Even the bone structure doesn’t do it?!)
Thank you Eric for such a thoughtful and encouraging piece on the connection between sexuality, self-esteem and creative expression. I believe that supporting people to appreciate the nuances of their interconnection (sexuality, self-esteem, creative expression) is just what we need to solve a tremendous number of our species problems.
And your brilliant comment of “anything that establishes itself in the world is the result of sustained, focused effort” is true too about us collectively turning the tide on our cultures view of sex.
My sense is it begins with each of us doing our own inner work, and staying with it long enough for it to “establish itself in our world”. Our inner world, and then our outer world.
Here’s to living in a world of your first hand beliefs, and not the beliefs handed down to you from the people with the funny buckles on their shoes.
Having grown up a stones throw from Plymouth…I love saying that!
I have been spending time with a friend who is currently in the hospital dealing with chemotherapy complications. Yesterday she told me she was hot on her doctor and couldn’t wait to get better so she could fuck him. In our 23 years of friendship she has never made a sexual reference to anyone or anything, (Saturn conjunct Scorpio sun in her natal chart) I feel she’s finally ready to live. Thank you Eric for pointing out that Eros, sexuality and life force are intimately linked
Fluide Glacial is a humorous magazine with comic strips about sex.
Hmm. I was just feeling sad for the woman who didn’t want the experience regardless of what someone who was offering it chose to call it.
(I find it weird how some people always say “make love” no matter what type of sex they are referring to.)
Pam, I agree about the context; this is an integral part of any communication. Personally, words that are more taboo tend to turn me on more and they also feel more sexual. What’s helpful about more medical sounding words though, is that you can get more specific about parts.
A friend of mine used to refer to the cock/penis as a willy and it drove me crazy. I couldn’t imagine being turned on by something you call a willy and it felt degrading to men.
I lived in France for two years, so you are definitely more experienced in that department, but despite the amazing beautiful sounds of the language, which I am forever in love with, and the rich linguistic games, I found the French can be “unbeautiful” and direct about fucking as well. I’m thinking of Fluide Glacial, for example, which is in every train station.
If anyone’s curious, check out the cover images in this google search. https://www.google.com/search?q=fluide+glacial&client=firefox-a&hs=Muf&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=sb&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=CsrJU9ywLtH_oQTV44LgDA&ved=0CB4QsAQ&biw=1800&bih=890&dpr=0.8
Eric: Thank you for bringing so much together so coherently. Especially notable is how your automotive metaphor for sexuality as a “vital force” (which ultimately serves to motivate or inhibit other facets of being human) really cinches your case for self esteem as a core issue and its correlation with current astrology. That’s quite an achievement.
No I don’t mind the word cunt or fuck either (although there are other words I prefer and I’m not sure cunt is a word I would use tho con/ne yes (but the sense is much greater). It may be a cultural thing. Been in France 15 years nearly, maybe french finesse and the beauty of their language is rubbing off on me. Or I’ve seen too much poverty, grit, trouble, effort, misunderstanding, for my taste to seek that counterweight/purchase/contrast. Or something!
Also this last full moon or total climate has been quite agitating for no real reason, leaving me (pisces sun libra moon) oversensitive quite probably: kindness seems wonderful.
Also I’m potentially vulgar as a person (not in a good way) so I’m still vigilant about that. A french guy told me that 25 years ago and I didn’t understand what he meant, but yesterday I was reading fashion in shrouds (Margery Allingham) to my Dad (great book by the way – one or two passages so well written) and I understood what he meant. i wasn’t quite vulgar like that but I understood what he had meant.
And self esteem. Remember the POW. One day she just got up dusted herself down and put her best foot forward.
Women’s lib? men’s rights? Each of us has to come to that point where it is easier to be yourself than trying to not be yourself to fit in or make a statement. I was very struck both by the POW and Julie Birchill’s book Diana. There is alot of clever punning and humour but also insight to into the ‘human’ condition.
And forgive me it maybe next year before I have money again, (unless I come up with something meanwhile – quite possibly?!) for my subs.
Well Shelley apparently there is some controversy. It may be of the variety of “what I think sex means to you” for some women (i.e., are you doing this because you have to?). However, there are other schools of thought.
Pam, are you objecting to the word “cunt” in total? There are many cunt loving women who would disagree. As Inga Muscio, author of Cunt: A Declaration of Independence has said (paraphrasing), “Vagina means sheath, as in sword in sheath, and I ain’t interested.” I consider cunt an old, honest word, different in its various inflections (like most words, especially when made profane by culture).
“I love cunt!” is different from “You cunt.” “I would love to fuck you” is different from “Fuck you.” Context and tone are indeed meaningful.
No matter what word you use to describe the female genitalia, there is a constituency who will disagree, even vehemently. I suggest we get to the thought and the feeling under the description, since apparently there are no appropriate words — and THAT is part of the problem. If we want to talk about a subject where people are inclined to bring in all their unfinished business and unresolved issues, then we have to make room for preferences in the affirmative way — that is, we have to relax the rules and the prohibitions on expression.
maybe that is a strength Coetzee’s ‘Disgrace’: completely unredeeming, perhaps then opening a possibility for new life?
Still didn’t much like it. My Traitor’s Heart by Rian Malan covers the same ground more or less, and with a more conscious stark realism – not merely wanting to be a ‘good woman/human’, but being in the only way which might lead to change in the end.
And speaking for myself and in my experience rather than against xyz.
Shelley depends how it is said/meant
making live – can be respecting life or enabling life or leaving live, can be laughter, freedom, happiness; kindness, breath, space, time. Between you or gifted to the other. Or naming the ‘orc’ things that blunt dull harm kill or terrify or stunt. Making them conscious, consciously leaving them behind, consciously burning off your own base elements.
I’ve been trying to figure out Portlandia’s sex issues since I moved here. It’s like it revels in having dirty secrets, but wants to be perceived as hip and cool and open to anything.
An astrologer here, Gary Lorentzen has done research on possible charts for Portland and two of them are Scorpio suns. One with a Scorpio Moon and Capricorn rising and another with a Gemini Moon and Aquarius rising. http://www.oregonastrology.org/the-astrology-of-portland-oregon-by-gary-lorentzen/
And I can’t imagine a woman being disgusted by a man waiting to eat her pussy. That makes me sad, actually.
Eric it isn’t only ignorance, it is how one speaks. If I say ‘Listen M***** F*****…’ you are possibly going to respond differently than if I say ‘Oh hi Eric….’ And worse if in an aggressive rather than a friendly way.
Some people speak all styles from crude to high falutin’, but, if you speak ‘crude’ you can’t be surprised if some people react strongly, and even very strongly. Or show you the door.
There is a very different feeling to someone who talks about cunt, and pussy, and vulva/vagina/cervix, or ‘muff’ or some other personal ‘nickname’ (going from crude to cute by way of noun). Also their intention and where they are coming from.
That also is ‘nuance’. And communication.
Have just read Disgrace by Coetzee. (didn’t much like it)
Not only education and expression but making live too
So important
xxxp
My then-therapist and now mentor Joe Trusso told me a story once — he mentioned eating pussy to a woman he was involved with, and she said she was disgusted by the idea. He left, and that was that. He was encouraging me to notice that kind of thing. This particular topic is relevant because you have a lot of people (both men and women) who love cunt, and a lot of women at war with theirs.
Speaking as someone who writes, illustrates and talks about sex freely, I can assure you that there is something offensive to everyone; that anything you say, want or do will be offensive to someone. That kind of response to a rope bondage workshop is funny, especially in Portlandia, but Portlandia has a very strange idea of sexual liberation (and as a culture it definitely has a set of concepts that it transacts and accesses, and I detect that some liberal fascism is running loose, cacao!).
There is a problem with ignorance about most things of a sexual nature. As far as I am concerned, a sane boundary is LEGAL + CONSENT. Consent is a bit nuanced, but comes down to YES AND THE ABILITY TO SAY YES; legal, meaning OF LEGAL AGE, is not subtle at all.
Once we have LEGAL + CONSENT, as far as I am concerned, the conversation is over and it’s time to get naked. I wish that were every day but this is a high standard.
Thank you, Eric.
Recently you have written about the difficulty people have faced during the events of this year, and I’ve thought, well, for me, it’s really been about nothing more than admitting a lot of what I value in the world is actually inside of me and that other people could benefit from it. This has probably been the single biggest challenge of my life.
PlanetWaves has been a major influence in my ability to access self-esteem. You have helped me forgive myself for not being perfect, you talk about things that I feel, but the people around me sometimes act like are figments of my imagination and you connect it all on a global level.
And most importantly, for me, you write about sex.
In this article you talk about coming out and you’ve said before, something to the effect of everyone is gay. About a year ago, I had a guy freak out because I casually said I was going to a rope bondage workshop, which I thought was an extremely tame/mainstream activity. He told me not very many people are okay with that and I’d have to go to a special place to find someone who was willing to do it. That was the last time we hung out. I told a friend about it and she said she agreed with him, that she wouldn’t date someone if they said that to her either.
Honestly, I was shocked by the reactions. Has anyone else had people react negatively to something sexual that you didn’t think was a big deal that you’d like to share?
“In all of these things, there is more choice than you think.”
Indeed. It’s amazing how easy it can be to cling to outmoded ways of being/seeing/doing. Thanks for the invitation to move in the direction of healthy self-esteem and for providing some specific ways to support that change.
This is an absolutely wonderful piece on self-esteem, dear Eric – with fantastic advice. Something that is coming up really strongly for me, as I journey through this self-esteem issue is how much judgement plays a part in it, of myself and others. It’s really being rubbed in my face right now, and seems to be the key to so much of it – to allow myself and others to be our imperfect glorious selves.
Love the dancing crabs, Amanda!
Eric, I enjoyed your podcast on the topic of art, creativity and self-esteem, especially your comment, as I interpret it, that once a person’s creation catches fire, the sense of obligation and necessary attention to practical matters can quickly set in and put the “kaibash” on the fun of it. Perhaps Jupiter in Leo will help keep enthusiasm high over the next year, for those of us who started our pet projects with a passion that may have already started to wane.