Cancer Full Moon, Return to Fukushima and Musical Guests Gary Lucas and (the late) Jeff Buckley

4 thoughts on “Cancer Full Moon, Return to Fukushima and Musical Guests Gary Lucas and (the late) Jeff Buckley”

1. Very thoughtful responses and I wonder about those of us who can tolerate a deeper longer look at what’s happening, not only with Fukushima, but with everything else that we can. I credit my abusive childhood and subsequent recovery work. I had to look into my own pit of hell for years to have any kind of a life. I find looking, feeling the feelings and then expressing them helps me. And then writing to politicians, signing petitions, sending a small chunk of change monthly to Fukushima Diary. What I struggle with is how to turn it over. I am not made to carry the weight of the world even though I try when I am playing god. Here is my most recent poem about Fukushima:

   Radiation
   November 23, 2013 at 10:09pm
   So it’s been two weeks since we made love
   until tonight and tonight I pushed everything
   aside to be able, everything aside to be able
   I don’t know why I terrorize my self so much
   with current events, I didn’t when I was young, and maybe
   that was appropriate, being young and concerned
   with building a life with my beloved and raising
   our babies, maybe now it’s a sort of over-inflated sense
   of responsibility/response-ability that seems
   appropriate at the age I am now, increased
   awareness of how things are done on this
   planet–someone should be feeling it, why
   not me? I used to think I flew by the seat of
   my pants and now I realize my country does
   the same the world does the same and couldn’t,
   really couldn’t, it sometimes seems, care less
   or be more careless of causes and conditions
   consequences and costs, but the last two weeks I have been
   consumed with concern about Fukushima, they have been
   moving the rods from Reactor 4 for a few days now,
   at least that’s what they’re telling us they’re doing
   a last ditch effort at saving the day, saving a day
   that might already be beyond saving.
   I’ve been consumed with that situation since it
   happened, the country, twice punished, the drowned,
   the displaced, those workers, the suffering, the overwhelm
   that everyone involved must feel, and how many of
   us think of that, of them, how helpless and hopeless
   of containing a situation that can’t ever be
   contained, and could get so bad as to be the
   end of everything if it isn’t already not to mention
   all the Fukushimas all over the world waiting to happen.
   I have been entertaining despair for breakfast lunch and dinner.
   How does one live through the end of everything?
   This may explain my long silence here.
   Sometimes I blame the internets,
   the news cycle is moment by moment now
   think how slow the world used to seem do you remember
   or are you too young? And if you are young why should
   you push for an awareness of the world I didn’t have the courage
   to have at your age, maybe I am making up for lost time
   and maybe it’s just that I’m getting old and can’t
   separate my own oncoming train of a personal
   apocalypse from all the ones the world is
   experiencing now. You see how I try to find explanations
   for the insanity of my obsessions with things I
   cannot control. It’s in my history if you read my
   poetry, I came from a childhood of insanity and abuse and
   maybe this is just my way of reliving another layer
   of that onion. Or maybe a past life.
   Last night I surrendered to it I gave it
   up to be what it is and what it will become maybe it”s a sad
   thing that I can’t turn on my magical thinking switch and wish it
   well even though I do, I do, I do wish it well
   and maybe it’s a real thing that says it is what it is
   and transformation will or will not be dependent on me
   and either way it won’t matter until it does. Tonight though
   I found my way back into my body and things got hot
   and wet and noisy and he still knows the way even if
   he had to wait for me to at least temporarily turn away from
   grieving and obsessing and carrying the weight of the world,
   I’m sorry, I can’t help myself, but I think I have given up on god.

2. HIS SURREPLY

   Hi Eric

   Thanks for getting back to me. I wasn’t sure I’d hear from you in light of your probably busy production schedule today.

   I have a couple thoughts, I’ll try to be brief.

   Do you really think people take Rob Brezsny seriously? I can see taking him seriously in that he’s kind of a new age nutter, but to say that he’s much of an astrologer or even a philosopher is a bit of a stretch. Eccentric, yes. Scholar, no. This sort of gets into a debate I long ago settled with myself. Do I believe that people are all complete idiots or do I think they’re not? Ultimately the verdict is still out, but I decided to proceed as if they’re not because to do otherwise was too cynical.

   shadow material or denial, both are kind of ambiguous. There is denial such as my mother’s retirement plan which includes winning the lottery (seriously). And there is putting something away until you’re more capable of dealing with it. I like to think of this like I do with my work. When I have a problem that I can’t figure out how to solve. I put it away for a while. If I have time, that’s usually a couple days.

   If not, I like at least a few hours. I go do something else. Work on something else. Anything to distract myself from the current problem. When I come back, I see it with fresher eyes. A new perspective. In terms of heavier subjects like the environment the scale is a lot grander. Most of us cannot deal with the idea that Homo sapiens don’t have much of a future. Or at least not as we currently know it. And this is a perfect vehicle for denial because society bombards us with messages that we should just take our creature comforts and go on as normal. Maintain the status quo.

   This is the way its always been done and if we just carry on and ask no questions everything will be fine. Obviously, I don’t buy into this. And I really don’t see a way out for us (Homo sapiens). But still I live as responsibly as I can. I eat well. I take care of myself. I try to live a responsible life. But

   I also live on the West Coast. And if Fukushima weren’t bad enough, I’m only a couple hundred miles from Hanford. Should I not drink wine from Walla Walla? Should I not eat Walla Walla onions? My point is that we have to draw a line somewhere. I have to accept that there is risk in everything I do. I have to let go of the idea that I can control something that is bigger than I am. That doesn’t mean taking on a Pollyanna attitude.

   And it certainly doesn’t mean accepting nukes as a green fuel source. It just means I have to accept there are things I can’t control or am powerless to change. For me this is the middle ground. Because if I think about how imminently fucked we are or how totally pointless life on this planet is, its just too depressing. Maybe that’s denial to you. But to me, its just getting by. Like having a job or paying a mortgage. Its something I accept. At least until I find a suitable way around it.

   Shadow material on the other hand is something different. To me at least. Maybe because denial isn’t really one of my issues. I have plenty of other issues, don’t worry. Denial just isn’t one of them. Or if it is, I’m in denial about it.

   thanks for your enlightenment on Brezsney and your point of view.

   take care
   josh

3. MY REPLY

   Thanks for your thoughtful note, Josh.

   Your email brings up what I was saying to my news-editor-in-training, Elizabeth, today, about shadow material. It’s only a temporary expedient to deny or conceal it. In the end, no grief is resolved and more pain is created; it will always come to the surface. In my journalism shop, we take the path of lovingly confronting shadow. We strive to speak honestly to our readers, and without going all Polyanna on them, we leave them with tools and solid, grounded reasons to take a positive approach.

   Everyone processes what they think they can, or think they must, though most people avoid what they don’t like and pretend it does not exist. When it comes to protecting your life and that of your children, this is not an effective mode of response. And at some point or another, we will all, in this age, be confronted by the reality of what is happening to the environment. At those times, it’s not possible to have the convenience of denial.

   Without an apparently imminent threat, it’s much easier to use denial. When the threat is abstract or too horrid to look at or too terrible to think about, there are spiritual approaches that one can take. There are miracles.

   One could say, “I stand in the grace and protection of God and I will accept what comes.” That would be the “Pronoia” response — but it’s not what he’s saying. One could say, “With miracles, anything is possible. Fukushima cannot stand up to the light of infinite grace and love. We shall overcome.” But he’s not saying that. He could say: “The cosmic physical plane is fraught with perils, and one must be aware and choose carefully,” but he’s not saying that.

   Rob’s point of view needs no apologists. It is everywhere. He IS an apologist for that point of view. While he is an absurdist, most people don’t know that. He is taken seriously as a New Age philosopher or new consciousness leader. He purports to understand astrology, which gives him credibility in the minds of many seekers.

   I understand the psychology behind his thinking, however. He is in denial. Fukushima and Pronioa (not his concept, by the way, it was invented by John Perry Barlow) cannot live together in the same reality. But he is not proposing a spiritual solution. He’s saying it’s safe and don’t worry and you have no need to inform yourself.

   The West Coast is getting sprinkled constantly and I would not want to have the paradise I created suddenly be the scene of radioactive fallout. Rob is also ignorant of the basic facts of the situation. He does not appear to understand the most basic facts about how radiation works and why it’s dangerous. He says he is “anti nuke” but he seems not to understand why.

   If we are going to birth ourselves out of the technological adolescence we are in, where it’s all fun and profit and no responsibility, we need new consciousness leaders who helps us understand how to do that. We need philosophers and thinkers and inventors who can help us see through the hopelessness and the negativity, and along the way, deal with it with a courageous heart.

   The paradox of raising awareness — that it’s often first met with the perception of pain and struggle, inner and outer — needs to be cracked, if spiritual or evolutionary teaching is to be effective.

   Part of this is involves understanding media, its influence on thought, and how to use it. That would be the subject of a week-long workshop.

   Please stay in touch.

   lovingly,

   efc

4. READER COMMENT VIA EMAIL

   Hi Eric

   I had some thoughts I wanted to share with you after listening to your most recent planet waves FM and reading last week’s open letter to Rob Brezsny.
   first off, I want to thank you for your diligent reporting on what is a complex and often convoluted subject. This is a subject that is close to me and as a young journalism student, a lifetime ago, I did a fair amount of this kind of work myself. Aside from making sense of the subject in a tangible way (try explaining half life to someone; I’m sure you have) its nearly impossible to get industry people to talk to you and if they do, they’re mostly blowing bullshit. I digress.

   While I don’t disagree with your statements to Rob and I don’t think you’re wrong in making them, I think its important to put this in context. I’m not going to speak for Rob nor will I condone his approach here. But for most people, this subject is too heavy. I don’t know you personally, but I imagine you to be the kind of person that devours news. I imagine you to have CNN running in the background at all times. Your probably comb the NY Times and a few other papers on a daily basis plus Alternet and a variety of internet sources as well. Am I in the ballpark here? I on the other hand do not consume so much media. I like to be informed and I typically pay attention to the news and what’s going on around me closely. But I’ve also learned over the last several years that I have to be careful. Its important for me to be able to filter. Sometimes I find myself too sensitive to deal with what’s going on in the world and I’ve learned through experience that this is when its time for me to tune out for a couple days. I don’t know what it is. Maybe its the moon, or sleep deprivation or some combination of these things and alcohol, I don’t know. Some days its like one story about Syria and thinking about BP dumping 60,000 gallons of oil an hour into the gulf, add to that the sound of John Boehner’s voice, and I’m ready to blow my fucking brains out. So I turn it off. I avoid NPR. I avoid the TV at all costs. If its bad enough I avoid some of my friends. This is something I struggle with because I want to be an informed citizen. I don’t want to be one of the idiots how buries their head in the sand, telling themselves that everything will be OK.

   So where do I stand? Not all of us can take on this much weight (not a joke on atomic mass intended here). And in the case of nukes, or exposure to many contaminants, there is risk. How much is too much? What are the odds that something will happen? What are the odds that I’ll get sick? We all know what the numbers suggest. And it may not matter that any amount is enough. There are still odds. Maybe I will get sick, maybe I wont. Many years ago I went to the Nevada Test Site while I was doing research on a story. I did this knowing that Helen Caldicott had said that going there increased my risk of having lung cancer by 100%. As far as I know, I haven’t gotten it yet. But I also know that statistically, 1 in 2 men will get cancer. So that’s either you or me. Or more likely, you and me, and some other jerk like Donald Rumsfeld will be spared.

   If I were to guess where Rob Brezsney was coming from, I would say its somewhere in the idea that we all take risks and we’re all being polluted constantly and so we have to learn to let go of some of that fear that goes along with knowing. Again, I’m not saying that your condemnation is wrong. I totally agree with you. But we also need to be able to get by somehow. To deal with the fact that if its not one thing, its another. Not to negate what happened in Fukushima or Chernobyl or any other nuclear disaster waiting to happen, that’s not my point. But we also need to recognize that the water gets piped into our homes through PVC pipes. And that most of our food comes wrapped in plastic and that industry growth has far outpaced what little bullshit excuse we have left of regulation. Look what happened in West Virginia last week. Totally preventable. I’m not suggesting that we just ignore all of this. But we also have to find a way to survive the day to day. I’m also suggesting that you personally may have a greater ability to deal with this shit than do a lot of other people. I feel like I used to do OK, but as I’ve gotten older, its gotten harder and harder. And by comparison, I know a lot of people who just tune out entirely.

   What’s my point here? I guess I’m asking you to keep all this in mind. You have a much bigger audience now than you did in 2002. You also have a reputation as a serious person whereas Brezsny is more of an absurdist. Not that that doesn’t have its place. Its important in a different way. But he’s not a journalist. And his audience comes to him for entertainment. I read his horoscopes every week. But I don’t plan my life around them. And I skip his column entirely. Your weekly I usually pour through. And I have a different expectation for what I get from you. I remember you saying one time something about how a siren is like an alarm letting everyone know that something bad has happened and there is no good news equivalent. If you bombard your audience with so much devastating information that we all tune out, what good have you done? I admit this is not an easy balance. As someone who sometimes comes on too strong and/or too angry, I’ve learned a lot of lessons about refining my approach. I suspect I’ll keep learning them. I hope you do too.

   thanks again for your service to your community. I look forward to the Mars Effect and beyond.
   josh