Today’s Oracle takes us to the Scorpio weekly of Jan. 29, 1999
Writing horoscopes is serious business. You don’t get to clown around that much, because everyone, including me, is afraid that someone will take a joke the wrong way and suddenly freak out and have a terrible life. Being a SCORPIO (October 23-November 22) is also serious business. Astrologers are terrified of you guys because you’re so intense and your hair is so dark and a fleeting moment of eye contact with you can be as exhilarating as a night of sex with two people of any other signs simultaneously. However, this is to inform you that I am putting us both on a diet of Life Light for the next six months. Lighter relationships, lighter philosophical ponderings, a lighter outlook toward love and especially toward sex. Take a breath. Everything’s gonna be fine.
(The Daily Oracle is a random selection from one of 10,000 Eric Francis horoscopes. The Oracle is a divination tool like tarot cards, and also can be used to research any horoscope for the past 10 years. It is available to subscribers of Planet Waves Astrology News in all its working glory. This is a brilliant piece of programming combined with a full decade of Eric’s writing — when you have a question, it really works (as long as you’re sincere), and we know that you’ll love it. Sign up to discover how and why. Or enjoy one selection free here every day.)
I’m vaguely familiar with the canterbury tales but what’s this study carrel and would I have to be locked in?
well I remember writing this, and I meant it. It’s not a spoof. but then talk about stepping on a joke – putting up a meter? anyone who can’t get a joke needs to be locked in a study carrel with a copy of The Canterbury Tales.
Might I suggest a bullshit meter, a parody meter, a clown meter, a fun meter or a plain old code 1-10 meter?