Hello in Internet Land. I am moving along on Cosmic Confidential, the 2010 the annual edition of Planet Waves. It’s time to hear from Virgo and Virgo rising readers about their experiences the past year or so. Saturn has either been in your sign or gone over your ascendant. And of course, Saturn has been opposite Uranus. Plenty of action, and I’m curious how you’ve responded to these and other transits. If the astrology is unfamiliar to you, please comment as best you can.
Comments from the previous signs have been truly helpful. Thank you for your contribution.
cosmicsigns
I’m a Virgo with Scorpio rising and Moon in Aquarius. That’s about all I know about my astrology – have no idea how the current astrology mixes with my birth chart. All I know is that Eric has been writing about my life for the last few years. It’s almost spooky.
In July 08 I resigned from my job of 11 years with no new job lined up, fully intending to leave Hawaii where I had lived for the last 19 years. My divorce was finally complete, my son had graduated from university and was on his way to finding a job, and it was time to leave the safety of a familiar workplace and home. I had sold my condo earlier in the year, most of my belongings were in wooden crates with the moving company, and I lived in a vacation rental in Waikiki for the month or two before officially resigning. It took months and months to work up the courage to walk away from what everyone else thought was a good job.
In August my employer begged me to stay – I gave them an insane proposal for what it would take to keep me there, and they rolled over and played dead. So I said okay, for 9 months. I had a fabulous salary, a more supportive work environment, and a new and more challenging position. I stuck out the new job for the required 9 months. However, they really wanted me for a different job – the job in academics I had been working towards for 25 years – and I walked away from this “good job” and perhaps my 25-year career a second time. It was easier the second time.
So I left Hawaii and moved to Buffalo, New York. Buffalo wasn’t random; it’s close to New England and the East Coast where there are lots of universities and (theoretically) jobs in academics, and close enough to family in NC. Also, a friend there needed help with his rent and renovations.
Reading back over the description of what happened, it doesn’t convey the major changes in my thinking / feeling that made such a change possible. The changes started in about 1998 – a series of events helped me understand that I had been putting up with emotional and physical abuse in my marriage for years, and that this was not acceptable. It literally felt like waking up, or having layers and layers of veils stripped off so that I could see the world more clearly. The process took years and eventually led to divorce, a change in most of my friends, and a renewed interest in art, writing, and metaphysics (I had abandoned these interests in university for a career as a scientist).
Fast-forwarding to the last 6 months, my life has changed profoundly. In May I lived in a fancy condo in Waikiki with a high-paying job that I knew was a total dead end. In June I moved to Buffalo, where I am still unemployed with no benefits, sharing an old house with my dear gay friend who lost his shirt in the Florida sub-prime mortgage mess. In Hawaii I could afford to do just about anything I wanted to do. Now I don’t have any income. My friend’s lifestyle is very simple, so mine is too – the savings won’t last forever. Although I’m now freezing my butt off and shopping at Sav-A-Lot and thrift stores instead of going to sushi bars and Chanel, in a weird way it’s enjoyable. It feels more grounded. I’m not taking as many things for granted.
My friend is one of the most un-judgmental people I have ever met. Although he won’t hesitate to tell me if he thinks I’m being stupid, what I do is completely up to me. So for the first time in my life I can’t blame any one or any thing else for what I do or don’t do. I had grandiose visions of what I would accomplish with all this freedom and time – writing, making jewelry, exercising, applying for jobs for next year. However, the first few months were like being stuck in slow motion. Instead of getting lots accomplished, I had to fight myself to get anything done, other than physical work. This feeling of stuckness, and hating myself for being stuck, has been going on for a very long time.
It feels like I’m coming out of this phase now – in the last two weeks I managed to complete the scene outline for my first screenplay and finish another act, and have published more articles on the internet. Looks like I’ll have an opportunity to write someone’s family history – will find out about that in the next few weeks. The energy seems to flow more easily now – or maybe it’s just that I’m not fighting the flow any more. I had a breakthrough with my meditation practice and seem better able to stay on task.
It will be interesting to see what the next few months bring.
Mystes – THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!! this was not a solo journey, but a grand soul one and i am extremely GRATEFULL for you and your sacred support!!! it’s for you too doctora!!! must also share great blessings and gratitude with fellow PWers for being such beauty-full mirrors as well. the last four years have been huge growing pains, and knowing how not alone or crazy i am has helped me see Me as me, and like it. all LOVE!!! 😉
StormiLaRue!!!
this blessed thing is i just defended my dissertation this week and i passed! also really cool timing was turning in my final draft the day saturn moved to libra.
is HUGE !!!!!
Congratulations, my honey! Wooohoooo!!!! This is great news!
Now go forth and nurture!
Big HUG,
M
Hello Eric and the whole crew,
I am virgo sun (8th), mercury(7th), north node (8th) and saturn( 7th). I also have an aquarius rising and a sag moon. I’ve just had my first saturn return and , frankly, after the old father time came back, my life has completely changed.And he was merciless.
I was in a long term relationship that ended, had the worst financial crisis of my independent life, had several health problem (found out I am gluten intolerant, had to give my migraines a serious look, got a hip-back ligament lesion), moved to another country six months ago and got a lot more responsibility at work. So text book.
I have also been noticing, mainly during the last three-two months of saturn transiting virgo, more ’emotional” effects; A terrible fear of losing myself and the man I just fell in love with (much older than myself, by the way, venus sextile saturn…), a longing for his company and love, a terrible fear of dying alone and abandoned as I had never felt before. A huge insecurity about my ability to endear him and to face criticism.
Anyway, life goes on I have been tried to understando those insecurities and face them in a “virgoan” way, with integrity and calm, but it has been hard to stop picking myself. Everyday, however, a small new conquest is made: sticking to the new habits, both emotional and physical, are the call right now. I am trying to take better care of my health, not being absorbed by imaginary problems and worries and understanding that perfection must be taken as an utopic goal, that although can be seen, it will never be accomplished. And that there is nothing wrong with that.
Best regards,
Syd
Hi Eric–been reading your work for 7+ years, love your insights into current affairs and the personal perspective you bring to your writing. I am a California Virgo @ 4.27, Aries Moon @ 0.46 (Aries point!), and Cap rising @ 19.02. From the professional perspective, in May 2007 I ended a 27 year work history with a hospital where I had grown from a nurses aide in 1980 to an RN/Chief Operations Officer and interim CEO by 2007. The organization had a takeover at the Board of Directors level and all Senior Leadership and much of the management staff were swept out. I was recruited by a nearby for-profit hospital, spent 4 months there then left (joint decision, bad fit for both sides, I was still in a daze), drifted for 7 months, then finally landed a clinic director job with the VA in July 08. Started a Masters program in Sept 08, got recruited to a Nursing Director position near the California coast in June 09, and have been working hard ever since to keep going on the Masters and get my feet under me in a demanding new job. Family/marriage/kids–all strong, supportive relationships throughout the drama.
Personally–the end of the 27 years with one facility was traumatic and dramatic, with leftover feelings of betrayal, loss, and sadness. It was not just a loss of job but a loss of identity after spending what to that point had been my lifetime with my friends and family at one workplace. As a leader there, I felt deep sadness at not being able to protect the staff (all 500 were friends) from the drama and corporate-style takover, many jobs were lost and many lives were damaged….still saddens/angers me today. Went through a period of lost identity and needing to clarify my values, personal strengths, and needs in life. I spent many months not knowing what I wanted or where I would end up (Jan–June 08). We downsized our external life to make ends meet while I was off work–sold the expensive cars, cut out all extra expenses, and have been financially conservative since then. Even with Uranus in my 2nd and Saturn in my 8th, we have been pretty steady financially, no wild ups and downs just a depressed low-mid range.
For this current job, I live 200 miles from my home, my husband is still in our house and running his successful business. I do work and homework during the week and we visit each other on the weekends. My daughter lives about halfway between and she visits often. The move has been great, I love living by myself for the first time in my life (Monday thru Friday anyway), and we are all enjoying each others company more than in the past when we lived together. I am still struggling to feel confident in myself as a leader at work, getting knocked off the horse in 07 has left some weak spots in me that I am still working on. At 48 years old I am having to define myself again, I often feel like a teenager that just went away to college….new place, no familiar faces, starting over…. I don’t know what’s ahead or where life will lead next, but I am (and always have been) an optimistic soul that seeks always to give my best and trusts that there is a purpose to my life. I trust myself and know that I will always find my way.
Hope my story helps…. thanks for the opportunity to share 🙂
it’s been an intense couple of years for me. blessed thing is i just defended my dissertation this week and i passed! also really cool timing was turning in my final draft the day saturn moved to libra. was supposed to finish in spring of 08 as i had a job in oz, but serious lessons in love had other plans. ultimately had to deal with all my own issues surrounding self-love, and am still learning, yet am also feeling stronger in my own sense of self and owning that, in skin and all!
Hi.. Virgo Sun here, Virgo Rising, Leo Moon, but a bunch of other Virgo too…
Yeah, what a year. Like I’ve everything I’ve always wanted is now poised to be within my reach, and I’m like, Holy Shit!
I’m not as keenly aware of what aspects of my chart affect what.. all I know is that it was like being born again, or giving birth or what evah… pain and joy and misery and terror, and revisiting parts of myself that I thought were long gone.
And then looking around going, this is not my beautiful house.. how did I get HERE? And then whoosh.. with the question came the answer like, all this can change and go away if you but say the word. Easily. No questions asked.
And now I have to ask, well, is that what I really want? Something other than this? I feel like I want love and power and glory and to be a grown-up, but I haven’t the slightest clue how. And I know that reading my horoscopes that you write often leave me in a puddle of tears, as well any other tiny provocation. So, I know I’m on the right track.
A twenty year marriage hangs in the balance, and a lifetime of living in a skin that I outgrew decades ago. But I still am afraid of making the wrong choice. Even as my body is telling me day after day in louder tones that default is a choice and will no longer serve me if I want to continue living here.
Is this what you were talking about? About how my time (as a Virgo) has come?
I see others are facing tumultuous changes, and some facing them with fear and trepidation. I’m more afraid of things not changing, and see all of what’s happened in the last 18 months as miraculous, though terrifying and utterly heart-breaking.
oochie wally, eric! i am a 13 degree capricorn sun, virgo rising @ 21’49, so I’m sure you can imagine the fun saturn has had with me this year. well, really the past few years… saturn ingressed virgo immediately after i wrapped up my saturn return, and now it’s in my first house.
The year began with saturn creeping up to the cusp of my 12th house, then backing up to root out the really ground-in, dried-out drama lurking back there. A lot of this year’s issues revolved around a certain relationship (uranus in the 7th opposing saturn, anyone?) that has driven me fairly looney. if memory serves (how could I forget), my rising degree was really active in August also, when Saturn crossed my ascendant conjunct mercury.
I wish I could say we’re out of the woods… oh, how I want to be out of the woods, one way or another! but one of the many tough but invaluable lessons I have learned this year is how to face up to the hard work, especially the internal work, that must be done in order for me to ascend to the next level of experience, whether it is professional, personal, or romantic. And I have learned that I don’t really like paying the price for trying to take short cuts.
I feel … less fearful at the end of Saturn’s transit to my 12th house… ready for this 1st house transit, to restructure how I present myself to the world, and to think about how much value I place on my gifts and my presence in other people’s lives (I’m still learning about how the house rulerships work… libra rules my 2nd house so have the self-esteem lessons begun even though saturn is transiting the early degrees of my 1st house).
I have also learned a lot about what REALLY motivates me (positively–ambition–and negatively–fear) vs. the narrative I have been spouting this many years about what I thought SHOULD motivate me. I am ready to live more authentically and to dig deeper below the outer layers of who I thought I needed to be to be liked, loved, admired, accepted, hired, retained, etc.
This of course, brings me to the 15(ish)-year dance with Pluto… that is more of a Capricorn story, I suppose, but suffice to say I feel like I’m in a blender most of the time! Like I don’t know up from down, but in a way, I like it, because I have spent so much of my life not really liking who I am, coming down so hard on the parts of my personality that are less than perfect, that are vulnerable, emotional, etc… this feels like an awesome chance to reset my identity–especially the part that believes I need to be radically different to be happy with myself!
Thanks for letting me share, Eric. I love your site!
Hello Eric,
I don’t know how to post on the front page blog, so here goes.
I honestly don’t know where to start. I guess since I don’t know that much about astrology, I’ll start with birthdate —- and I believe it was 8:09 PM and that was in Whittier, CA which is basically Los Angeles.
The last year has been the worst of my life, I want to die. Things started going really really bad with my girlfriend of 8 years, then it finally ended in April. I was having a hard time with everything and for some reason went straight edge for 2 months, not my conscious choice, it just happened.
Around the time my life went from just 28 years of bad to the last year here of worse, more so than I could imagine, the economy took it’s crap. My work is related to it and my salary has been about cut in half for the last year and counting, and I’m not sure how I’m going to pay bills this month, rad eh?
So after 2 months straight edge, thinking clearly, in shape, depressed as hell. I get a call from my cousin and start hanging out with a few of his close friends, I’ve since moved in with him and I’ve got some really genuine friends and my family is closer to me than ever.
We’re a good looking and pretty successful bunch in southern california, so there is plenty of fun to be had, but nothing is filling the void, something is always standing in the way of anything truly fulfilling and positive happening.
I took my first real vacation ever using points as I’m basically broke, and the day after I get back, the Ex finds a way to take me back to Zero. I’ve never been depressed to see the states from the plane when traveling, but I just looked at the coastline and it was bleak, nothing left here for me.
I feel like I’m just complaining, but I wish it was that, this is my life. I’ve tried fighting tooth and nail to get things accomplished as well as trying to take a very uncharacteristic passive approach and nothing is working.
Since my vacation, I’ve felt absolutely disconnected from this country and it’s people, and I don’t really mind it, but I have to admit it’s depressing.
Enough about my problems, thanks for being a really rad and open person and for surrounding yourself with great people to make all of this possible, you all have been a great help to me.
Thanks,
K
PS
I’m kinda freaked out reading the similarities to my own life in the blog on this.
gladys: “all of my lessons were in an extreme form” — YES
wow, ok, this is a hard task because it feels like i only just came through the tunnel so i’m not sure what i think of this new world or the one i used to inhabit. but one thing i will say about the past week or so since saturn moved out of virgo (and i may have read this here, but it’s the perfect expression)…is that i feel like a sense of ease is returning. i didn’t expect to feel much with the actual shift from 29 virg to 0 lib, because i’m an early virgo…and just based on the events of my life. but i’ll tell you what, i definitely did. so one thing i’m eager to hear about in the annual is what to expect from saturn dipping his toes back into virgo next year (boooooo).
so anyway, i’m a virgo sun, sag moon, cap rising,..and i have saturn in virgo so i got the double whammy. i got my phd, got married, and moved from the city i’d been in for the past seven years. but really most of the saturn impact was internal. i do feel more competent and confident though i had to go through hell to get here.
i for one am looking forward to pluto in cap’s promised creative buzz!! pluto’s off my moon (phew) but it’s headed for my ascendant so who knows what’ll happen. hard to imagine that ANYTHING could be more dynamic, stressful, crazy, wonderful, terrifying, and sometimes truly testing than the past seven years. i look forward to hearing your thoughts on the new year 🙂
I’ve got Virgo (6+) rising, Virgo moon (3+), and Gemini sun (19+).
With Saturn’s entrance into Virgo in 2007, I switched everything up. I moved 2000 miles away from my home of 12 years, got a new job, quit that job after a year, sold my old house, and went back to school. I’ve had one boyfriend for most of that time and we’re transitioning now to a different kind of relationship–friends, maybe lovers still, but not a couple.
It’s been a tremendous time of growth for me. It’s like I’d been hovering around the mentality and outward appearance of a 29-year-old as I approach the reality of being 40. But in the past two years, I think my face has aged and I’m okay with that. My outlook has aged, too. I’ve let go a lot of old ideas about who I should be. And I feel like I finally get how routines and disciple are great friends to a creative and free life. I’m in a MFA program full-time now. I love it. And after feeling pretty confused about what I was doing over the summer, I’m feeling a sense of confidence. Things do seem like they are coming into focus.
Like clockwork, as Saturn moved into my second house, I bounced my first check. So, I’m coming to terms with the financial aspects of my endeavor; I hadn’t allowed money to stop me from doing what I wanted. But now, I’ve got to get that part organized. I’ve been thinking a lot about beauty and balance–how that plays in to what I’m doing and what values I’m choosing to cultivate. I’ve been consciously thinking about my creative voice–what it means to have one, how you do it.
Since I was conscious of the Saturn transit of Virgo and my first house, I think I was able to work with it. I’ve really come to appreciate what Saturn has to offer us. I’m hoping to continue my work with Saturn as it moves through Libra.
As for the Uranus aspect, I’m not as sure of it. I think it might factor into the dramatic nature of the changes I’ve made. For example, the time from my decision to move to the moving van arriving was less than 5 weeks. My choice of graduate program is somewhat unexpected, but I’m thriving. The man I was involved with was far from what I considered “my type.” And I’ve learned a lot about myself and relationships from him. The Chiron-Jupiter-Neptune alignment has me thinking big about future work. I’ve started to become really aware of the stories I tell myself. I see how I can easily be addicted to my daydreams and fantasies. There is clearly a discipline involved in visioning that I’m working to develop.
That’s about all I’ve got today. Hope this helps.
Virgo Sun, Sagg. Moon and Sagg rising.
I have been forced to look honestly at myself through these tumultuous few years warts and all. I have learned to develop trust, acceptance, patience, courage because I’ve had to – I was turned inside out and round about. I am reconciling my differing energies better than I ever have – my Virgo need for routine and stability all the while letting my Sagg. side holler “Don’t Fence Me In!!!”
I’m not going to go into the why and wherefores of it all, but my world and those I choose to engage with seem to finally support and reflect who I am at the core of me. I no longer feel so alone and misunderstood. I see goodness amidst much turmoil. I have learned to quietly speak my truth and not be so afraid. I don’t have a “regular” paying job as such but I am all the time working on recreating myself and building a home and family and community. I love to cook for others, fold towels, manage household affairs nurture our fledgling home business and keep sane through it all by gardening at every chance I get. I am defiantly coming out of my repressed shell and going with the flow, knowing I can hit the curve balls that life throws me, waaaay the hell out of the park!
I have had friends from university and high school reconnect with me this past year and I wonder why I ever lost touch with them in the first place. My anxiety levels have gone down as I feel more grounded and content. I lost my father two years ago and my mother seven years ago and I have made peace with both of them ( they both bore their souls to me in their final days and set me free) and I learned to forgive them for lots of human heartache by embodying all their positive traits that live on in me. I challenged the rest of my family re. my dad’s dysfunctional modus operandi by insisting it didn’t continue from the grave and got rewarded with some unexpected cash as a result that has allowed me and my man do much healing together and take time to grow this business. My husband and I have struggled so with each other (deep Chiron “woundedness”) yet the love is true and honest and steadfast and just this past week I felt another big shift in tenderness and trust. We had a moment on Saturday discussing the direction of the business and both spoke the same thought at the exact same time completely out of the blue. His cynical self was astounded; me, not so much 😉
Life has been complete and utter HELL at times this past year but I am finally feeling happier than I ever have in my whole life. Since Saturn moved on last week into Libra I felt magical sprinklings of stardust, golden and we ARE heading back to the garden dontcha know!
I am a new subscriber and already have learned so much from the wisdom offered here. I would like to share my experience of the past year as a Sagittarius with 24 Vir 25 rising. First, I’d like to say that the last 8 years or so of my life have been extremely difficult, starting with the death of my husband in 2001. I raised 3 daughters alone and we traversed the Great Desert dealing with Life. About 2 years after his death, Pluto crossed my Sun and has been dancing with my stellium at the IC since then. Nov. 4 the Lord of the Underworld transits my Moon for the 3rd time. This process started Jan. 4.
In November, I realized that this transit was coming up, and had recently undergone an initiation of sorts with SA Nep.=Sun the summer of 2008. I looked at my finances and realized that income would be lost in 2009 and that I would not have enough to support my daughters in college and my house. I also had incurred debt with the normal living of life with 3 daughters! The writing was on the wall, so to speak, and I could read it, thanks to my astrological studies. It came down to selling the house or losing it. I called a realtor I knew, who is excellent and honorable, and he met with me. We gave me through the holidays to finalize my thoughts over the sale, which I did, and met again Jan. after Pluto’s first hit. (Note: when Pluto entered my 4th, which also meant he crossed over Venus sitting on the IC, I had a lot of work done on the house from plumbing to bathroom rennovations, to landscaping and other repairs.)
Throughout the next 7 months, I worked at my job as a school secretary/registrar (preparing to leave, having given notice), and prepared my house for sale. What this included was extremely hard…Saturn, of course, was involved as well, sitting exactly at 1 Lib. 24 partile sq. my Moon at 1 Cap. 24. Pluto has hit Saturn (along with my Moon) all year and Nov. 4 will be the last hit. Mid-November Saturn will return the favor to Pluto (and Moon) as my Saturn Return kicks in (which will be 3 hits ending next summer). Suffice it to say I have been engaged in stripping my life of 20+ years of living and collecting “stuff”. I got rid of much of my beloved library…boxes and boxes of books were given away or sold. I did the same with my furniture, clothing, old magazines my husband had collected, you name it I likely got rid of it. I even had a wedding for my middle daughter in our empty house. I had a week and a half to to put that on! I’m sure both Saturn and Pluto were pleased with my efforts. Only problem was that I injured my leg (all the tendon-like tissue) at the 2nd hit of Pluto as he retrograded back over the sensitive spot in July when I actually physically moved to my new digs. I left behind everything we had built and now live in one bedroom with my mother, sister, and brother-in-law, helping my sister take care of my mom who has some kind of dementia, maybe Alzheimers. My legs have taken a long time to heal (there was notable improvement when Jupiter went direct) and I am hoping that further healing will be evident after Pluto’s 3rd hit to Saturn and Moon.
Saturn through Virgo (mostly in my 12th) has seen a LOT of inner work, which became heavy outer work as my Asc. was crossed. Saturn and Pluto have stired up the angles of my chart as well as all the planets situated there (many). It has not escaped me that all my personal transits are tracking with the larger world crisis that also demands major change and overhauling of how we relate to each other, the world, finance, etc. I’m doing it on an individual basis.
Now I must turn and face the Saturn Return, which I hope will reveal the basic structure that is sound for rebuilding my life. The work is not over. My story could have been much worse, if I had lost my house. My daughters could be having much more difficulty, but thanks to all our deep interest in spirituality and using astrology as a tool to live up to our destinies, we are all doing pretty well.
Thanks for this opportunity to share my journey with astrology with other like-minded souls!
Greetings PlanetWaves,
I have been an on and off reader of your website and I really do enjoy it.
Here’s a contribution for Virgo rising, 3rd house Sagittarius. I live in Madagascar and for me 2009 started with a violent political and social crisis in January (still on now but no longer violent, hopefully it stays this way). My son & i nearly died eearly February because our house got stoned by raging protesters and looters. I just HAD to move and leave the rented house because of daily nearby gunshots, tear gas, and unfriendly environment. I am a single mother of one and it was just too scary. So we hopped from friends’ houses to ex’s house until found a new appt…
I work for the US govt in development, health to be precise. Many of our activities were suspended, and as a result, there is going to be a lay-off. I think I am fortunate, I’m among those who get to keep their job.
Another significant thing for 2009 is that in June I reconnected via internet with a primary school friend. Said he had a crush on me back then (30 years ago!). We kind of online-dated, then round the July 18 eclipse, he gave no more news. I learned in September that he committed suicide around the 20th. But I never knew what he went through what “killed” him (he was a Virgo with Virgo stellium…). Such sad & awful moments, I felt so helpless and just very sad.
I kind of thought these were all the continuation of my Pluto square Pluto, which I thought I was over with last year when Pluto moved to Capricorn. But it seems t. Pluto is still within orb of squaring n. Pluto (27 Virgo). Overall I think the main big features of 2009 for me were home and fear, the past and death of a friend, lucky to keep my job, finding many other childhood friends thanks to facebook, and I am looking forward to my 40th birthday next month, with very strong hopes to find a loving mate, or two 😉 because I’ve been single for 3 years now and that’s been too long!
I hope this is useful for you (and for when you get to the Sagittarius part also).
Warm regards.
F
I am Virgo with Leo rising. Last two years has been my life’s worst years. My 15 yr business is facing bankruptcy. My wife is also a part of the management. She is Virgo, Libra Rising, and is horrified with the prospects of no work and income.
I will land up moving through legal issues for the next many months. No chance of any bailout or merging with some company. Will life present me one more chance in my current business, is a question I repeatedly keep asking to myself.
In the process I have realized that my concept about money needs a sea change. The fun in one’s life need not be money driven. I have to look for new ways to make fun without much money to spend.
Eventually, it will be very shortly known that I m bankrupt and the truth has to sink in me and have to adjust to the way I am looked at by society. My properties will be on auction. Life will just be a nightmare and I will have to begin with nothing much in hand. Will I last through this?
Myriad questions in front of me and no clues of what I will have to go through my next two years. My health is fine till now but I don’t feel that it will last due to my stress.
I had never envisaged change will hit me so hard.
I never thought for last so many years that the good days will ever be over.
Life I felt has always been very kind and generous to me monetarily.
I am aghast to see the opposite now.
Wish I had a plan for this.
Wish I was frugal in my ways.
Wish I never threw parties lavish beyond a need.
To build up all the same again and live the same life as I did, is now a dream.
I am a virgo w/sadge asc and saturn in virgo and venus in libra. The last 2 years have been the most tumultuous years I have ever experienced. The momentum of saturn in virgo slowly built up and by the end of 2008 and all throughout 2009, I knew that every day would bring some other crazy-making experience into my life. Inside my head, someone was continuously scraping their fingernails on a blackboard and there were many days when I ended up in a sobbing ball on the bed. I stuck my neck out many times to try to do things differently and was slapped down more times than not. I woke up each day almost afraid to look in the bathroom mirror because I didn’t know if I’d see Dr. Jekyll or Ms. Hyde. All of my lessons were in an extreme form. Sometimes I felt as if I was being tossed around inside a clothes dryer and other times I felt as if I was an actor in a movie where someone gave me the wrong script. I was unemployed for the first time in my life and I spent the latter part of 2007 until now dealing with a relationship that eventually ended after 11 years. And just in case I didn’t have enough going on in my life, in the process of my ex moving out, he had a medical emergency and almost died. I’ve waited patiently and hopefully for the end of October to come and say farewell to Saturn until the spring, but I’m so used to steeling myself for the worst every day, that it’s going to take me a while to relax and enjoy the fruits of my mental and emotional labors from the last 2 years. I made it through this tough Saturn cycle – YEAH!! My friends say I am a survivor – however – that’s now how I want to live my life. I have absolutely no idea who I am now and still don’t know who I will see in the bathroom mirror each day.
The skies were a clear, blue black tonight with an outstanding, huge full moon and I stood on my deck and drank a glass of wine. And as I looked for the rabbit in the moon, standing under the acacia tree, with a bowl of elixir in his arms, I made a toast for a better couple of years for this Virgo!
Umm. If the thunder don’t get you then the lightning will…. It was a rough one, in every way shape and form. I was very sick in spring 2008 (which dates originally back to a couple of years earlier), thought that I was 100% better, then got very sick again in late summer 08, which carried over into a good part of 09. As of last Monday, I am technically in “remission” funny word… I don’t miss any of it.
Ironically enough, I managed to graduate college and become a nurse (no, for real, all Virgo jokes aside). I some how managed to weave work and being sick together, and I think I might just be a little better at what I do because of it. The politics of being sick have been heartbreaking, but fun in the sense of….Well, if you like chess and ultimate fighting, you may want to consider spending your time fighting insurance companies. I considered that my full time job the last year and a half, the paper work is enough to make any one bonkers. It wasn’t all that bad though; you can actually develop relationships with the cooperate enemy on the other end of the line, and realize that they are human too. It made me a much better patient advocate for the people that I care for. I feel a great responsibility to those people and I don’t want to let them down. I have recently taken up studying ethics and law in healthcare (microbiology and vinyl records too though)
To say the least, I got to know every inch of myself inside and out, which as weird as it sounds has been a much needed, bitter but beautiful journey. Everything about any treatment is just awful (I haven’t found the good there yet). I feel like I have been raped 10,000 times, which has taken sex to a whole new level for me.
I feel good these days, the physical seems to be healing a little faster than the emotional/psyc aspects, its actually very hard for me to write any of this right now, but I have my moments and every journal ever. I am trying my best though, to move on and deal like an adult. Remembering to laugh more. My family and friends were amazing through all of this and i know that it was not easy for any of them. Survivors guilt seeps in every now and then, because I have met some life altering people who have gone down. I don’t let fear take hold of me, I have already faced that. Twice. I just remember why I am here and what I am supposed to do, frankly there is a lot. I can’t be stopped.