Nourishing Communication

Dear Friend and Reader:

Among the astonishing experiences of this Mercury retrograde so far was my main computer, well, taking a break from reality last night. Basically, it just stopped — a pretty new, dependable and well maintained iMac. I happened to be on AIM with Danielle Voirin (who takes most of those gorgeous photos you see on page one) in Paris when I disappeared from the network, so I went on my laptop to mention the problem — at which moment she disappeared from the network. So I called her and both her phones were not answering in Paris at 3 am.

It turned out that lightning had hit the adjoining building there, partially knocking out power in her building; which was enough to take out the DSL system which conveys her phone calls. The lights were out but the electric outlets were on — except her uninterrupted power supply (standard issue equipment where a Planet Waves computer is kept) was beeping. And these two seemingly unrelated events happened within about five minutes.

Meanwhile, I had the problem of Rig #1 not being available — my main computer for photography. I tried to restart it about five times and no go. I stayed more or less calm, gave it a rest, and committed myself to hanging out with two friends who were in my studio as I had been happily working away printing recent pictures. I resolved to use a backup machine and not taking this one in for service till the station direct in three weeks. Fortunately before going to UAC, I had backed up about 175 gigabytes of recent photos.

This morning, the iMac failed to restart; I went back to bed, then two hours later it mysteriously restarted. Thrilling, right?

So at least for the moment, this fulfills my many-times repeated prophesy that Mercury retrograde is infamous for creating situations where something appears to be wrong or broken but is not. Let’s hope that actually turns out to be true, however I will be backing up the few remnants on this disk drive that didn’t make it onto the external drive. As an astrologer I am left with a somewhat disturbing question of causation. How exactly did this happen? It is so classically Mercury retrograde it’s ridiculous. But how exactly does that work? Is it some quantum phenomenon as yet undocumented by science? Or is it just the Trickster? I think I’ll stick the Magus card to this machine for “good luck.”

I’ll be back in a few with a riff on nourishing communication, today’s aspects and Michael Franti.

Oook, a reader writes in:

Eric!

Your blog today is fascinating…..talk more about “taking in nourishment.” What ways do you do that emotionally?

Thanks for the reminder,

Flavia

I picked up the concept of emotional nourishment from my Hakomi therapy training. Hakomi (an evolution on Gestalt therapy) trainers specifically ban the word “nurturing” because it’s so charged up. Instead, the word nourishment is used. Hakomi therapists are trained to identify something nourishing about every client. It’s not all about the therapist giving; it’s a little trick to facilitate exchange, and for the client, the experience of being appreciated. Nourishing might mean appreciating that the client is funny, or brave; they might be attractive or possess a certain quality that the therapist appreciates.

The idea is not to dwell on this, but rather to simply be present for it, and get into a space of appreciating the person. This facilitates an exchange. The therapist can make what are called contact statements back, such as “I love how funny you are,” as a means of acknowledging the gift that the person offers to the world. Once that reaction starts consciously, it has a way of growing. The client feels that they are appreciated for something authentic about who they are, and begins to relax. This makes it easier to take in the presence of the therapist, and what they have to offer. It is particularly important to do this when the client is in some way annoying. Therapists (and the rest of us) have to deal with annoying people/clients on a fairly regular basis, and if you hook into what is nourishing about them, you can gently sidestep what annoys you. This facilitates an exchange of nourishment that is so crucial to relationships.

The exchange of nourishment is a basic, fundamental human skill; indeed, an absolute necessity if people are going to respond to one another, get along and grow into a healthy space.

In my own life, I make a yoga out of accepting appreciation. I am good at expressing gratitude; the more difficult skill — and I believe this is true for most people — is about accepting love. Most of us simply don’t feel worthy of it, and many people resent those who do feel worthy of love.

Most of us come from compromised backgrounds in this respect. We often fear accepting an emotional gift because it might be taken away. We may be reluctant to do so on the basis of fearing that someone has an agenda; i.e., he thinks I’m beautiful, therefore he wants to fuck me. That’s not received as a gift, even if offered with the clearest intention, i.e., true appreciation. Indeed, in my other incarnation as the author of Book of Blue, the idea that many women go out of their way to enhance their beauty, then panic when someone notices, is primary subject matter.

The ability to have someone notice that you’re beautiful or attractive and take that in is specifically taking in emotional nourishment. There are many other forms but they all add up to the same thing. Accepting appreciation is a trusting gesture, and we do need to learn how to trust this way. Most of our psychic injuries directly involve the capacity to trust, and we almost always associate a gift with a hook.

I learned from Hakomi process to stop and make a direct gesture of taking in emotional nourishment. This might come in the form of a reader letter or a friend telling me they love me; I consciously pause and take in the feeling. I will often say so out loud, and ask my body and my ‘unconscious’ to accept the nourishment.

I happen to have an autoimmune issue (celiac) that when it’s acting up prevents my body from taking in nourishment. So I have to make a conscious gesture of this. But in the process of doing that, I have noticed how many more people have the same theme going on — the fear to accept what is given to them freely, and what might deeply benefit them. Despite the past, I think this is something we can learn to do consciously.

Apropos of this discussion, Venus is opposite Hylonome today. Hylonome is the astrological archetype of self-inflicted punishment. With Venus, the theme here is inflicting emotional wounds on oneself, perhaps because it was done to us so often in the past. We are always taught to be our own worst abusers, particularly psychologically. It is very difficult to be in relationship with someone who keeps hurting themselves. And sooner or later, they blame it on the relationship or on the partner, which only weakens the bond and alienates us further from ourselves and from others.

As for Michael Franti, I found out that I’ll be sharing the same stage as the esteemed poet/reggae artist Saturday at Mountain Jam at Hunter Mountain. My old friends at Radio Woodstock invited me to speak, where I’ll be Saturday afternoon. Michael is scheduled to go on about two hours before me, but I would not dare to call him the warm-up act.

Have a fine day and cheers to our computers, disk drives and electric guitars humming along brilliantly.

Wednesday 28 May 2008

Venus (3+ Gemini) opposite Hylonome (3+ Sagittarius Rx)
Vesta (17+ Aries) sesquiquadrate Saturn (2+ Virgo)
Psyche (15 Scorpio Rx) sesquiquadrate Aries Point (0 Aries)
Amor (11+ Taurus) semisquare Hades (26+ Gemini)
Ceres (23+ Gemini) sesquiquadrate Hidalgo (8+ Scorpio Rx)
Pholus (8+ Sagittarius Rx) sesquiquadrate 1992 QB1 (23+ Aries)
Eros (17+ Gemini) sextile Vesta (17+ Aries)
Pallas (3+ Taurus) quintile Chiron (21+ Aquarius Rx)
Venus (4+ Gemini) quintile Uranus (22+ Pisces)
Pallas (3+ Taurus) sesquiquadrate Quaoar (18+ Sagittarius Rx)
Arachne (29+ Virgo) semisquare Psyche (14+ Scorpio Rx)
Mars (10+ Leo) sesquiquadrate Juno (25+ Sagittarius Rx)
Sun (7+ Gemini) trine Sisyphus (7+ Libra Rx)
Amor (11+ Taurus) sesquiquadrate Galactic Center (26+ Sagittarius)

Oracle takes us to Nov. 05, 1999 – LEO – Weekly

You can get off the emotional roller coaster if you want to. Note that about every three minutes, the fast-moving train pulls through a tunnel, somebody collects your money, and you’re back on the ride. As you go through your ups, downs, twists and turns, see if you can notice at which point in the process you opt to stay on. Notice where the compulsion to do so comes from. Is it out of hope, fear, or an old habit? Are you responding as if one of your parents is shoving you back on? And, in those rare times when you have your feet on solid ground, do you consider your life carefully enough to have a sense of which way you really want to go?