Hello Cancer! Or rather, Cancerians.

13 thoughts on “Hello Cancer! Or rather, Cancerians.”

1. The last three years felt a bit like a painful mess, yet expansive. Circumstance and an inner voice pulled me back to where I was born after some years of abroad. I learned at age 20 that traveling and living in foreign countries sparked my sense of adventure and intellectualism while simultaneously making me feel safe. About two I realized that I know how to be strong outside of other people, but not when truly interacting, so I tend to avoid it. About a year ago I finally admitted to myself that I do want to interact with people, and I try to stick with this, but am not always successful.

   I am 33 with Cancer Sun, Virgo Rising, and Aries Moon. I’m an only child and I’ve been single my entire life.

   I have a few, long friendships and have recently(past 6 months) began to express more of myself in them. I’m now struggling with what to share and what not to. I need the appropriate level of confidence in an idea before I share it or it completely gets destroyed by people who are trying to be helpful. My first assumption is usually that others are right about something over myself. My friends are helping though and these relationships are growing.

   In 2009, January through June brought a lot of realizations about the past…in a clear sense. Guilt materialized as a leading force in my life. I had a series of realizations about my family, as they are and have been, cursed with positive intentions. I felt wrong about enjoying a career, feeling/expressing emotion, or desiring a sexual relationship with any emotional connection because of various figures in my life. It all comes back to guilt and a sense of obligation. I feel like I’ve worked through a lot of that now, but obligation is really strong with me even if it’s imagined.

   I’ve been working really intensely on allowing myself to feel emotions and attempting to identify them and give them names. In the past month, I’ve felt like I want to give up on this.

   At the end of August, I met someone for whom I felt a series of emotions I have never had before. This seems to be turning into a friendship without sexual content on the surface, which, if you link it to past relationships, is the pattern I have.

   All in all I’ve grown a lot in the past three years and four months, which is good, but it’s wearisome. I’m searching for a way to grow that doesn’t constantly feel like work, constantly. This all centers around relationships to other people and those to places.

2. Thanks for so much dear Mystes! Your words were so inspiring for me – I understand just what you’re getting at, and hope to get there soon myself…
   (Liz )

3. Anna… Since the end of last winter, I have been involved in a tantric/magic type small group, and also started therapy. Work on myself, and learning to master my energy, are my other two big projects.

   Try to keep a documentarian hand in that ‘small group’ – see if you can discern any patterns worth keeping. You are going to emerge from this shakedown with some new responsibilities to go with that ‘master my energy’ goal.

   As for the mens, I hardly know where to begin. Hang in there. Women are just starting to cultivate a sexuality that involves (as I have limned elsewhere) imbricating the aggression/gratitude strand with an invitation/surrender strand. This is caricatured in the BSDM community, but at its core, it is *much* subtler than that. It’s ours to do and to teach. When the master is ready, the student will appear, baby. *8^D. . .

   BIG hug!

   M

4. ‘Cancer rising’: One more thing, regarding blood family, they’re hopelessly lost, and I want nothing to do with them any longer. If they so choose to pull their heads out of their asses, as I have attempted to offer assistance with, I will do whatever I am capable of.. (I Love them dearly, and always will) but my effort, from here on out, is with those who seek the balance of self-realization, and not delusional fabrication. I have no use for anyone who refuses to acknowledge that we must WORK on a SOUL/SELF level, in order to forward this planet onward.

   J

5. Liz . . . this: Think the big
   thing in my family, and therefore for me too, is about growing up and taking
   resposibility for oneself and ones actions – learning to be an adult. Think
   this is the real issue that’s coming up for me right now. really caught my ear. Something about the Pluto in Cap thing is resonating here. I noticed late last year that a new ‘idea’ floating around, trying to make landfall:

   That I had reached a point in my life where the parental/family sitch had NOthing to do with how I perceived myself and my powers. It all mine to embrace or adjust – that I had made (and was making) every single bit of my character.

   It was dazzling. My heart opened up, *and* conversely, I started seeing my relatives’ ‘stories’ (and I serve as the Grand Mystress of my family’s collective unconscious, so I know a few stories) as part of a matrix that was entirely its own.

   So thanks for pulling that out. The Cancer/Cap opposition was embodied in my mother (late Cancer) and father (late Cap), so I expect the effects have just begun to roll in.

   M

6. Hi Eric, my fellow Cancerians, all –

   Yes Saturn is right up there, rolling over me just about every way I look! Just got through with my second Saturn return (Saturn 17 Virgo), and still feel I am being ground away at, ground down, down to the bone, down to the soul, ground fine, refined.

   Sun in cancer, moon in Leo, Sag rising, strong Pisces and Neptune (Neptune/Mars conjunct in Libra in the 10th). Just finished with 12 years of Pluto through my 1st, coinciding with the relationship/marriage that just ended a year ago. Our friends reel in shock. We were seemingly the perfect couple, the golden couple, the standard, the ideal. Yes, we had a lot, – everything but the sexual part! Decided not to settle, any more, for a mate who both was not sexually there for me, and who put his sexual energy anywhere else but toward me
   (he DID have some, after all)! (Could have worked with one of these – but not both!)

   I am left, from this stint, feeling sexually trashed, shut-down, and not sure when, or how, this can ever be healed, and moved on from. (Also, very loney, sexually and emotionally.)

   And then – left on a wild streak – had debt and no savings. Am not asking for any part of my ex’s pile; am getting poorer.

   So – the 1st 2 big challenges, I see, for me, having to do with manifestation and partnership/love/sex. Don’t know how any of this will play out. I am, for the most part, in a day by day mode of psychic and material survival. (OK – the material survival is not THAT dire! Being a Cancerian, it just FEELS that way! I make a good living – work for the state – it’s just the debt has me stymied, for now.) My goal – zero debt, own my own home. �Bout ready to back off on men, though!

   Last winter, I really didn’t know how I would go on, with so much pain. (Have to say that reading the PW blog was a big psychic boost and comfort for me! Especial thanks, Mystes!) The spring and summer brought a sense of greater abundance and community, joy. In spite of all my fears and grief, I continue to have my needs met, and to live in love. The hard part is just recognizing that, sometimes.

   Since the end of last winter, I have been involved in a tantric/magic type small group, and also started therapy. Work on myself, and learning to master my energy, are my other two big projects. Wondering how Pluto’s transit through Capricorn is going to hit?

   PS – just learned I am to be a grandmother next June!!!

   Love Anna T

7. ‘Cancer Rising’.. I’ll work on leaving out the sag sun.. relationships as I view, only.

   My relationships are all new. (older friends still don’t talk to me, Those folk have their own shit to deal with. And I hope they work out their shit.) I, have ‘me’ to deal with. Everything outside me, my views of relationship, is transforming to a point that ‘I’ am comfortable/happy with. Over the last several years, I’ve seen many a friend leave, all: a bad scene. I want nothing to do with the capacity in which I interacted with these cats.. I’m done. My life is ‘Here, Now’, and I feel as if I’m right on the cusp of serious freakin’ breakthrough! (The other cats said below that it’s soul work, or I’m fucked! I refuse to work the mundane patterned B.S. anymore.) All the sheisse(!) I’ve been through has led me directly to this moment, where I feel that I’m ready too meet ‘space’ on terms that I’ve defined, through the effort that I’ve put into understanding myself.

   (That’s as far as I go with that now..)

   Look forward to the annual!

   Love, luck, Peace, and FREEDOM (..there’s the Source baby! Gotta Love the FREEDOM!!!)

   Jere

8. Dearset Eric,
   I could write reams and reams – but unfortunately just don’t have the time
   right now. So will write a few lines about one cancerians life these days.
   The most important thing is what’s happening in my life right now. My poor
   old dad has just had a heart attack (is stable now thank God) – and it’s one
   of those moments an expat dreads – my work situation doesn’t allow me to get
   over there for long (from Rome to London). Am particularly worried about my
   mum. All this of course brings strong family issues to light. Think the big
   thing in my family, and therefore for me too, is about growing up and taking
   resposibility for oneself and ones actions – learning to be an adult. Think
   this is the real issue that’s coming up for me right now.
   Over the past months I’ve been faced with my demons, my fears and anger etc
   and in particular my negative thought patterns which eat away at all that is
   good in me and my life (imagine a lot of this is Saturn in Virgo), have
   worked with this very consciously in my meditation practice.
   Right now there’s a sense of how I sabotage myself with my fear and my
   timidity (I feel a LOT of fear). But it’s as if there’s something new and
   beautiful in me that’s ever so slowly growing – which is about realizing how
   strong and solid I have become over the years – and how beautiful my soul is
   deep down. This sense of my own power is trying to match a lifelong sense of
   fear and inferiority – it’s a new and still very small, but wonderful
   feeling.
   Hey! Ended up getting carried away.. Thank you for every thing as ever dear
   Eric – for your words of wisdom, your huge heart and amazing horoscopes.
   Much love
   Liz xx

   Hi Chelsea! Hope all well. Thanks for passing this on to Eric xx

9. Virgo Rising
   Gemini Moon

   Here’s what’s been going on in the past year…В 
   -Love of my life who I hurt and left too many times gets together with a virgo boy. July 2008
   -Decided to graduate a year early from undergrad so I don’t have to be around her. September 2008
   -She finds out that he gave her herpes. Some virgin he is. October 2008
   -I support her 100%. Help her cope. Let her know she is a gem and that this doesn’t change how I feel. October 2008
   -she walks all over me and stays with him. November 2008
   -She cheats on him with me but certain things are not allowed. December 2008
   -This relationship goes up and down and up and down. January 2009
   -I graduate with my bachelors of music in May and am set to attending Columbia University’s Teachers College for my MA in education. May 2009
   -I Move into an apartment in Harlem by myself June 1. June 2009
   -Me and Taurus talk sometimes but July 4th weekend she says it’s best we don’t talk anymore and “maybe one day we will be able to see or talk to one and other without so much emotion”. July 2009
   -She calls me at 12am on July 10th. I let my voicemail answer. She wishes me a happy birthday and tells me to “have a good year”. July 2009
   -Late July I get fired from the bartending job I held on the UWS for being too generous with customers and taking too much for myself. July 2009
   -I Find a new job 4 weeks later and now work at a private school in the office. August 2009
   -I go to school at night. September 2009
   -She still all I think about. October 28th 2009

   Thanks for letting me get this out?
   -Joseph

10. ashawf – ‘I actually think Saturn is your best friend if let him work his magic in your life. The funny thing is, on December 31, 2008, when Saturn stood stationary in the sky, I prepared a prayer for him to help me act out of love, compassion, kindness and selfless and stop me and punish me if I act out of desperation, fear , anxiety and selfishness. Every situation I have encountered during 2009, has tested me for that, so how can I complain.’

    What a great thing to do. My sister let me know last night she was slightly wary of Saturn making some squares this next few months or so, and though I didn’t articulate it as well as you have – I suggested something similar. I didn’t make the same prayer myself this last year or two – or directly to Saturn – but your request resonated. I suspect I made a similar plea to the universe in general (but was quietly and in vain, hoping it might bugger off and leave me alone – ha! as if). I agree wholeheartedly, how can I complain?? Brilliant.

    I read a post on here a year or two back, that when Saturn is around, you *do* your Saturn. No messing. He’s going to ask you to step up to the plate and the trouble comes when you don’t. H x.

11. 2009 will always be a memorable year for me. Most of the year, It’s been pain, pain and more pain in particular relationship. So many forces have worked in tandem that I don’t know which situation to attribute to which astrological aspect.

    As a Cancer sign, the theme of my life is about relationships. I am a very strong Cancer born in 60’s two days after a Total Solar eclipse with Sun at 28 deg Cancer, Venus in Cancer, Moon and Mercury in Leo and Saturn in Aquarius. Until 2009, I was under the impression that my deepest desire was for very conventional ordinary type relationships. In 2009 I learned that my desire for relationships is much deeper than that. It is the embodiment of “Need to be needed, desire to connect and longing to belong” in a very deep spiritual way, building relationships that are based on trust, integrity and honest communications.

    I got the hint of that in 2008, I guess around the time when Pluto entered Capricorn. In this time frame of about a year, I feel like I have dived 1000 miles deeper into my being, confronting along the way the desperation, anxiety, fear, lack of confidence, lack of self esteem and everything else.

    My intense situation in 2009 started building from late April, exploded in late May, emotional suffering starting then and continues until now. Jonathan Cainer’s astrology for May for Cancer was “You are embarking upon an exciting adventure that is going to last for a while. You may be sensing this and feeling edgy about it, but the Universe thinks you are ready for this kind of adventure and it is not going to wait around till you put together some safety mechanisms, so might as well proceed with confidence” What a way to put a positive spin around this prediction.

    The situation intersected my emotional life with my professional life. I have very Martian energy in my professional life. (My rising sign is Aries and also my Career sign is Aries). When it comes to my professional life I am very assertive, enthusiastic, confident and adventurous. But I guess the equivalent of that in my deeply personal inner life was just the opposite of that, lack and shortage of all those qualities. 2009 made me confront that imbalance!!!

    My situation involved an authority figure(I now call it A Sharpening Stone), a team setting, and attack on my sense of self, confidence, sense of belonging and own self worth. It brought up issues of trust, honest communications, self esteem, confidence, and agreements,. I don’t know if it was due to Venus retrograde in Aries or is the grand solar eclipse or the Saturn and Uranus opposition or the triple conjunction of Chiron, Jupiter and Neptune or Pluto in Capricorn. It has felt like I have been going through some kind of process of initiation. I am grateful for one thing and that is the sense of strength that Universe has continuously given me to go through this ordeal. I never once forgot that I am not a victim but instead a very willing and serious student who is sitting through a series of tough lessons. Hey I have fallen in love with Saturn!! How many people can say that? I actually think Saturn is your best friend if let him work his magic in your life. The funny thing is, on December 31, 2008, when Saturn stood stationary in the sky, I prepared a prayer for him to help me act out of love, compassion, kindness and selfless and stop me and punish me if I act out of desperation, fear , anxiety and selfishness. Every situation I have encountered during 2009, has tested me for that, so how can I complain.

12. This Cancerian sees 09 as damn sight less fraught than 08, the Year of the Barking Spider. I will chalk some of this up to Pluto and his closing show. I was born with Pluto on the 25th degree of Leo, so it seems I feel its egress rather sharply – starting from that degree. Then we had Mr. Underworld roll over to Capricorn in November, where he will cruise back and forth between 0 and 3 degrees until what? Jan of 2010? Fine by me. I prolly won’t see any *real* action on that front till Pluto opposes my natal sun, about 5 years from now. By that time I will have learned to dance with the Dark.

    (In terms of upcoming fun, I note that the Sun cruises the border into my 12th H on the very day the Pluto/Saturn square perfects. Hmmm… pretty sure I can do something useful there, if I can hold my breath and sink to the bottom of that aspect. )

    But really, what has happened this year? There are one or two areas that are so painful –continuations of the Barking Spider Follies– that I handle them with great vigilance and forgiveness and rage – yes, all at once.

    In June I tried to launch Tantra for Bobos, but kept crashing through the thin ice of the Eclipses. It was really, really, really strange. I was carrying out a series of close intensive retreats while writing, and every Eclipse tore into me like a bulldozer. For three months my training ramped up to highest intensity, allowing the *other* aspect of Tantra, its … hmmm… how shall we say this politely? “Bardo Management Practices” took center stage. (They tell me Tantra has something to do with ‘sex.’ Really? That part disappeared for a while.)

    In July I fell in love with a complicated, delicate, magnificent woman. We are lingering in a space composed of friend, lover and consort – as I calibrate my years as a heterosexual Tantrika to this new dispensation. She is a Gemini (same sign as my first husband), with an ascendant on the Cancer/Leo cusp, so she’s still reeling from the July 21 Eclipse.

    In August I sported a 2 week fever that seemed to descend from overmedicating a tweaked back muscle. Never figured out exactly where it came from; I assumed it was part of the Eclipse gifts. September and October have been devoted to Bobos development. Like Hazel (PaleTiger), every time I have said: This is it! I absolutely have to go to work for a third party! my Futureself retorts: Steady as she blows!

    Ladies & Gentlemen, I do hope that ‘blows’ is a euphemism for walking through the Wake Up Door. Saturn in Libra, here we come.

13. oh goodie, it’s our turn. well now, let me see (cancer sun, leo rising, scorpio moon).

    oh dear oh dear oh dear, oh dear oh dear oh dear – pretty much sums it up for this year so far.

    you want more detail? ok. saturn just left my 2nd house, so did pluto – though it’s coming back to join mars in the 2nd. so it’s more and more of the, where is your worth girl? where do I value me, how do I value me, and how do I demonstrate it?
    and am I digging down, deep down to find it, oh yes. and is it easy, oh no.

    I am broke – broker than ever in my life. on top of that, I am being visited by the ghost of relationship past in order to clean that up and move on – it relates to a financial nightmare of a property issue that drags on and on and even has the lawyers bewildered. (sisyphus – he has to be involved). that is one version of past into present.

    the other take on it is that in early 07 I set out on my own to do what I love and what people came to me for – to finally make it my career. this was a year before the recession (depression) kicked off. it was doing great, but the last couple of years it’s been tough – nothing has come easy. in an earlier life, I’d have quit by now with all the debts and worry and got a job. however, everytime I look for one, I feel physically and emotionally awry and this voice literally booms out from within me, saying very clearly, ‘there is no way but forwards – on you go.’ and so I do.

    it is, for me, the ultimate test. i have to sell myself, for I am my product, I am the product I am selling. and as a fairly shy 12th house kind of a girl, and with all the self-doubts that I have had since a wee thing (that could fill the void created when your database went offline today), i am having to put myself about abit – stuff I find very difficult. I am having to lead/follow myself to wherever it is I want to go – staying with it is how I will crack it.

    through doing all of this, i have let go of my beautiful home in the mountains, my spiritual home, i have let go of things, my car, furniture, stuff – lightening the load all the way. let go of anything that i don’t need so i can pursue what i most want to do.

    the inner battle of past/present is that when I am struggling, when I have periods with nothing happening, I get the critic telling me I am nobody, who would buy what you have to offer, you’re a failure etc. and in my lowest place, I believe it.
    it feels like it will last for forever, but I get myself out of it and march on again. i seem to have a strong spirit (of the leo kind perhaps) – i can lose it for a moment, distracted by fear, however, by the powers vested in me – it comes back pretty quick. I know it about myself, somewhere, I am stronger than I realise.

    anyway, clients have been great, I’ve had great testimonials, people have come back. friends, family have been wonderful – gifts arrive in all shapes and sizes from ‘we love you’s’ to paying for a lawyers letter to food parcels with lots of wine! I also have my lovely Aquarius man (thankfully he has a house and quite a bit of a sense of adventure and emotional resilience) and my faithful Gemini doggie for support. oh and PW too.

    abundant indeed.