Good afternoon Leos and Leo rising. We’ve heard from the first four signs with feedback about how their year has progressed. Much of the action has been taking place in your opposite sign Aquarius, which tells us something — I’m not sure what, really — about your life. Pluto has moved into Capricorn, your 6th solar house. I’m wondering what you think about these transits. Even if you don’t grasp the astrology, please chime in about the ecology of your life, your work and your relationships.
Thank you to everyone who has already contributed — this information has been very helpful to my research for the 2010 annual edition of Planet Waves.
cosmicsigns
btw, the computer meltdown happened a few days *after* the mercury retrograde ended. just when i thought it was safe…
well, i hope this isnt too late now. it’s really hard to keep up with this blog when there are several articles/day, you work 90 hrs/week, you have 150 different interests, 300 unfinished tasks, 1000 different mini-projects you’ve been trying to get at for years and they keep growing and piling up, 100,000 creative ideas, etc that you dont have time for and will never see the light of day b/c you’d need an exponential amount of lifetimes to create them all.
i’m a male leo / libra rising / scorpio moon so my life is really focused on manifesting as many intensely emotionally-driven creations as possible that the world has never heard or seen before 🙂
well, from the main things i recall with the yearly horoscope and the main things i’ve experienced, i dont remember the key points occuring, at least thus far. the primary themes seem to be about change of relationships, which has been the main issue at hand for me and desire for most of my life. my relationships have been the same all year though. i certainly had no changes in intimate ones (meaning still non-existent), havent noticed any changes w/ that of friends (minor stuff here) or family really, or involving business. i have read many things about partnerships the past few months but have havent experienced any changes here either. this area is indeed though our main business focus now but nothing has manifested yet. we need a miracle here big time. i havent noticed any changes during the 2 eclipses you mentioned (Jan 26 & July 22). nothing out of the ordinary regarding relationship with mom, no issues regarding secrets, or any further self-discoveries. my company actually launched on Jan 27th, so this was totally in tune with the eclipse, but nothing involving relationships that i can see. also, my business is totally in line with my spiritual/creative vision as you discuss in the ‘Going Beyond Obligation’ section. all of that i was doing already (and answered yes to your questions). in the very last line: “you will witness a kind of miracle in the world around you.” – havent noticed any changes there at all yet 🙂
the stuff about the finances/resources during the spring monthlies was right on though. also, esp the last paragraph of ‘Virgo to Pisces: Your Money Angle’ from the yearly. this had to do with company funding and was right on point with timing and subject matter.
also, during the spring – one of your astro-blog articles about food was incredibly on point for me (Mercury stationing retrograde, into the Full Moon, May 6th). this relates to the biggest theme for me all year which has been health – this ended up creating the worst year of my life (from Jan -> Oct). i dont know anyone who takes as good of care of their body as i do or is in anywhere near the physical shape i’m in, yet i had the worst health problems of my life all in 1 year. Jan/Feb i had the worst depression of my life stemming from the most intensely painful, depressing, & self-destructive emotional moment of my life on Jan 9th – this had to do with the change in relationships i’ve been waiting for for a few decades that didnt happen. the cap on the bottle of emotions that have been forced to stay inside my whole life finally bursted open after it had been shaken up too hard for too long (it’s happened countless times before but not nearly to this extent).
then after i got over that, i had insomnia for 2 months due to apt bldg roof renovations right above my head that was too loud to sleep (and i work nights). this totally depleted my immune system leading to a nasty series of health problems – food allergies (starting with grain and then a domino of other things), intestinal/digestive problems, mono for most of the summer (2nd time i got it, 1st time i was like 13/14), then blood rebuilding from the mono… finally when I felt 100% again in the fall, I had a shoulder injury & then the worst computer meltdown of my life (12 yrs of using computers) with a family of viruses and faulty hardware to deal with..reinstalling the system from scratch and all that which ended up taking almost 3 weeks of constant 100% focused attention b/c of the severity and complexity of the situation, I was so stressed I barely slept for a week, and then got the worst flu of my life due to not sleeping. usually i can get rid of a flu in less than 1 week with all the remedies i have, but after 5 weeks i’m still not 100%. i’ve barely been able to do any productive/creative work the whole year b/c of my health. at least now i’m finally able to work again though. my company just launched this year and has definitely suffered due to my lack of health. interesting though that the biggest issue of my year thus far – health – was not something i could find any mention of on any astrological website or horoscopes.
anyway, thanks Eric for the great site and astrology. i read your blogs more than any other website. hopefully my future is looking brighter than my recent past 🙂
-Malcolm
Leo sun, Capricorn rising here with Saturn in 10th house of Scorpio — stellium in 7th house of Cancer on the cusp, where Mars is hitting my Venus, Mercury, Uranus, Sun and Jupiter pretty hard right now.
Let me go back to Nov. 2008 — the day Pluto made its ingress into Capricorn, I was thrust out of the home where I raised my two children for the last 20 years. You’ve talked about how literal astrology is — indeed it was, as my husband and I left this pastoral setting to move into the city. Unsettling — but as soon as we were established in the new home, everything felt perfect — and there were/are no regrets.
After seven years of working with an intolerable executive boss, who left late last year, my new supervisor began his job in January. Since his arrival, work has been engaging, and opportunities to explore and exploit my craft in new media abound. He is demanding and the work has piled up, but it is fulfilling to work with a creative individual and have the opportunities to pursue meaningful projects.
I’m beginning to understand just how the seventh house stellium works in my life, and how I tend to see my life through my relationships with others — and how I have failed to spend enough time considering myself as an individual. I’m very much interested in collaboration and collective experiences, yet these have sometimes come a personal price. I have failed to identify exactly how I fit into the equasion and what (if anything) I contribute to certain relationships. The eclipses … and perhaps some weird new moons prior to July .. set off a strange set of events in which I began —quite suddenly –casting off some extremely negative people in my life and focusing more on my own needs and less on the needs of others. Most recently, Mars squared the eclipse point and some other rather earth-shaking ah-hah moments ensued, which have caused me to more closely examine what I’ve been enduring in my closest relationship and why. I’m gaining some much-needed confidence and self-awareness. Mars is causing me to express myself to others with dramatic intensity. For whatever reason, I have been unable to do this for about 10 years — (chiron?) — and others have not been able to accept or understand my relational pain, etc. Now, I’m finding great acceptance and great relief.
More recently, right after Mars hit my natal Uranus and was close to my natal Sun, I came up with a business plan — asked two talented colleagues if they were interested in joining me — and received an emphatic “Yes!” I hope to begin this venture in about a year or so.
I’m about to do my first formal astrological reading. That is the other strange development. Although I’ve been interested in astrology since I was 16, only in January did I begin taking it extremely seriously and have been making rapid progress in the study.
Eric — I love your collective approach to Planet Waves — hope this is helpful to you and your ground-breaking work.
Hi Eric,
I’ve been following your work, ambivalently for years. Thank you for your hard work!
This time I was compelled to answer your call, thinking it was useful to make a few observations at the end of this rather strange and dare I say disastrous year. I am a Leo sun, Taurus moon and Scorpio rising from 1965.
I guess the ongoing theme has been that of relationship and belonging.
This year I have found that what i thought I wanted I could will into manifestation; no sooner something beautiful and synchronous would happen in love or friendship, it would backfire on me, as I was either not aware enough to understand it was meant to be a passing influence to make me grow, or I realised I thought it was not ‘good enough’ to stay in my life and sabotaged it.
From spending an ultra ‘romantic’ Valentine’s in a hip hotel with a gorgeous Libran, whom I had a crush on for years, after being mortally wounded by a near schizophrenic and very deeply psychic and special Piscean end of last year, to having a bizar platonic friendship, first with an interesting and very kind but poly and bi depressed Piscean, who fled to the East, then with an all out ultra compassionate Aquarian (5 planets in Aquarius) ending in being stonewalled as I was being my emotional, passionate and intensely romantic self two weeks ago. At the same day hearing from a very long ago tender and poetic ex-boyfriend in Paris, now in a family situation, feeling I was always around him, which is true.
These mirroring experiences have brought me to the brink of feeling life has no meaning without a sense of anchor and belonging with someone (to share with). Yet at the same time I am always projecting my desires onto emotionally unavailable people. I have been feeling very detached from my friendships, yet desperately hunkering for the one ultimate intimate bond. This has been the case for at least ten years. But this year the call has been beyond bearable. I moved country last year, so a new relationship to where I belong has also been a huge part of the longing for an anchor (belonging).
Of course the parents relationship picture is the one to look for. I broke contact with my father (again), after realising his personality disorder and alcoholism were bigger than me (and him) and made me ill. I realised my way of behaving started resembling my mother’s style of relating, isolating myself in shame and feeling guilty not being present enough for my friends. Your comment recently on the mother’s past was poignant, as just that day I was thinking about the death of my mother’s fiancee and how she always maintained she got over that quickly, when my father turned up in her life. In my own life there was the instance of pulling away from my oldest best friend for the very first time ever this year, because of a feeling of being in pain and ashamed of it and feeling overlooked, signalling that, yet not being heard…
I am confused about relating, feeling that my intense style is for the connoisseur, yet knowing I need to compromise my high standards to be able to be with others. Individuation versus the group. The lack of family bonds and lack of having my own family and it being too late at my age, have come to a head and reality is kicking in cruelly. I know who I am and what I want and am not afraid to go after that in my own way. This year I have come to really doubt myself more than ever and see I might be alone for the rest of this earthly existence, being me.
Work wise I am establishing myself more, only since the last two weeks. Work always keeps me going and I have little doubts I am doing good work in an individual, original and deep way. Yet there is restlessness and desire to move on and study more.
So, a hugely confronting year and without much joy or sharing…
(Please do not publish my e-mail address, if you want to publish it at all, just my first name is OK. Thanks!)
With love,
Jess
Hello Planet Waves,
Again I write-
Leo Sun, 1st house, Virgo moon, 3rd house, Cancer rising.
1991 – graduate college, get a ‘real’ job, meet the man of my dreams (Pisces) but realize that it will be a long time before anything happens with him, it had a dream-like, fated quality.
1995/6 – buy my first house, start affair with the man of my dreams after forming a good friendship. Wasn’t there a Jupiter event around now?
Summer 1999 – suddenly laid off from job, but before the summer is over I found a much better job, almost no interview before being offered the job. Wasn’t there an eclipse in Leo around now?
2005 – Move into the job of my dreams, start grad school. Saturn in Leo?
Pisces eclipses around now, my Pisces man got busted, lost his job, and took up with another woman.
2007 – near death from ruptured appendix, learned I caught HPV/warts … (HPV recedes) I tell Pisces about this and ask who is new this year – she blames me and I blame her. Still don’t like her.
April 2009 – went to New Orleans, always wanted to go, another fated quality. Scorpio and I had a great time! Loved the city! I would encourage anyone who wants to make a difference in our society to take a chance on New Orleans. I can’t wait to go back and have been looking at work prospects there.
This summer (2009), Leo eclipse, I tell Pisces that I don’t like this any more – she is leaving her stuff all around his house, she is there all the time, other friends say she is loud, lazy, drinks too much and is trying to move in. So I stop. It hurts me too much to think I have been replaced by a loud, lazy drunk.
One horoscope said something about what do I value – I thought about that over the 2 months that we didn’t see each other (first time since ’91 that we didn’t see each other at least once per week, every week). I have learned that I value education and wanting to learn new things, as well as the goal of completing an educational degree; I value integrity, responsibility, hard work. I value my home. This makes me feel like I am doing good for my self and for the world. Why do I need a man to give me sex just to feel good about myself? I am doing what I value, therefore I am good.
After 1 month we started talking again. I told him I do not want to put myself into a place where I don’t like what I see, hear, or feel. You do what ever you want, I can accept it and be your friend, or I can reject what bothers me, but then you will not be my friend (you are letting her move into your home, you are supporting her laziness, you are both toxic when you are drinking too much – all against my values). Just stating my feelings, chose your own actions. I lost all desire for him.
After another month I heard from a friend that he made her move her stuff out of his house. He started taking classes at the university to complete a degree. So I have gone to see him again. None of her stuff was around where it used to be. But I am afraid to look too deeply. He is saying what I want to hear, but I can’t trust that it is real.
All the while my steadfast Scorpio boyfriend developed (since 1995) a nerve injury due to poor computer station set up at a call center. So, his hands/arms/shoulders do not work like they used to, so the sex life has spluttered, irregularly alive – and a job is hard to come by if you are not able to use a computer. Since 2007 he developed some other pains that the doctors have not been able to identify but think it may be more nerve injuries, like shingles, affecting the nerves to his testicles. Then this summer he was fired from his job. Great. But according to all my values he is at the top of the list – intelligent, talented, sincere.
So, after a break, do I pick up with Pisces, without knowing if anything really improves? Do I keep to my values, possibly giving up the sex and love that feels … fated?
Scorpio used to call me Dr. Jekyll/Ms. Hyde. Scorpio brings out the good doctor, Jekyll, while Pisces indulges my evil Ms Hyde.
So maybe with Saturn in Libra the relationships will calm down. With Mars in Leo I can work extra hard to finish my grad degree and paint the porch. The transiting Jupiter/Neptune/Chiron just passed my natal Saturn in the 7th house, coming up on my natal Jupiter in the 8th house. One horoscope predicts good luck next winter/spring coinciding with the Jupiter conjunction. Cool!
I am learning to live with my own issues from my past. By really considering what I value, I have learned that I really value the way I live my life, reducing any feelings of inferiority. But I can’t hide from my Cancer rising, I still want to crawl under a rock until my shell hardens.
Thank you for all your insightful writings, yours and all the readers.
Thanks for listening-
Leo
Dear Eric,
Well, life in the Aquarian age has been nothing if not interesting. In my natal chart I have a grand cross in the fixed signs and smack dab on my AC/MC axes: Scorpio rising at 16 degrees; Mars at 13 degrees Taurus in the 6th; Sun at 19 degrees Leo in the 9th house and conjunct my mid-heaven and Chiron at 20 degrees Aquarius in the 3rd & conjunct IC. Varuna & Juno figure in the equation as well. In the past four years (really the past ten) I’ve had the shit knocked out of me. I’ve attached my chart if you want to look at it.
First, some reflections on Saturn… in Taurus: I remember very well the August 1999 grand cross solar eclipse, which happened either right on my birthday or within a day of it and so in a precise overlay of the grand cross in my natal chart. I went alone to hear the Dalai Lama speak in Central Park. Walking to the site, people on either side of me were bragging about how much they had prepared themselves to receive enlightenment that day, all very can-you-top-this. “I got up at dawn and did 50 sun salutations!” “I did 100! And I’ve been fasting for 24 hours!!” Jerks, I thought, you think (or hope, I suppose) that doing more yoga than the guy next to you makes you superior. Or that it’s going to give you an edge with the Dalai Lama, who in fact, told the crowd that very day how utterly misguided that kind of thinking is. Personally, I felt some sort of great, dark, leaden, stultifying, energy blockage, like some great force was pushing me under a rock with a large and heavy hand. It felt like something much bigger than just me and I wondered how everyone around me could be so oblivious to it. That grand cross was literally my cross to bear; by year’s end I sunk into a profound, paralyzing depression that I was only able to get out of with anti-depressants. Not a happy-go-lucky eclipse.
Saturn enters Leo in July 2005: I was just about to move to Spain from Italy (I had moved there in 2002 to get out of New York). Instead of driving, which could have been a fabulous adventure and much more my style, I opted for the ferry across the Med. For the rest of the summer and fall there was major flooding all across northern Spain, by the way. In this period I began to get very muddled; a time of major brain fog and some bad business decisions with lasting impact. Saturn conjuncted my Sun in 2006 but the transit was concurrent with the Neptune-Saturn opposition & Neptune-Chiron conjunction, conjunct my own Chiron. I suppose it’s Neptune that really did me in.
The Neptune-Chiron conjunction coincides with my Chiron return, which has been going on in the 3rd house opposite my Sun. Something like five Chiron transits all at the same time (in addition to the seven I was born with. Yikes). The worst of it has passed, thank god! It was sheer hell and definitely impacted my ability to think, feel or react normally, i.e. with clarity, confidence or maturity. I was pushed deep into child vs. parent issues, struggled terribly with themes of abandonment and a desperate desire to be taken care of by someone – anyone at all other than me. I lost my filter, allowed myself to be guided by men whose lack of ethics I was blind to at the time – very, very unusual for me, as I’m usually sharp as a tack on sussing people out (especially men) – and wound up being ruthlessly swindled, compromised legally and with barely any room left to wiggle out of the mess. Then, as desperate as I was to be rescued, there was no one either willing or able to do so, and I was forced to just get a grip and pull myself back together and sort out the shit myself, which I am doing, albeit slowly (there’s a lot to sort out). By nature, I have always been self-reliant without giving it a second thought, but suddenly I just couldn’t be any more. I really did collapse and became very childlike, I now see.
In trying to get to the core of what had gone wrong, I realized that I was grasping for the basic elements of a healthy childhood – nurturing, protection – that in my own experience were minimal and doled out in the context of an abusive environment. I suppose I was looking for daddy. Last winter I was feeling absolutely overwhelmed – albeit by what were/are very challenging circumstances – incapable, powerless, fearful, insecure and with a profound sense of mourning for this child who had been denied so much of her childhood, issues I thought I’d long since dealt with and reconciled. Needless to say, lots of depression through this period, and many, many very bleak moments, especially in the spring of 2008 and of 2009. I didn’t feel actively suicidal so much as open to the prospect of dying suddenly. Okay, I guess that’s feeling suicidal, but not quite ready or willing to actually do something about it. My best friend, like me a Leo with Scorpio rising, struggled this year, with the same timing, the same feelings of despair and thoughts of, uh, escape. (There are some happy moments through all of this, but they crop up only now and then and are short-lived).
Saturn entered Virgo in 2007 precisely when I ditched the attorney who nearly ruined me. He was, in his way, very much like Bernard Madoff. Over the next several months I learned what a huge, deliberate mess he made of my business, personal finances and legal status – as if for sport, because there is no logical explanation – and just how long-lasting would be the consequences (long indeed).
Saturn entering Libra, well… I have, maybe in the past week to 10 days, felt the return of my drive, my powers of concentration, confidence, and the feeling that my self-reliance is an asset, not a burden. Like the flip of a switch, blocked energy is definitely, though gradually, starting to shake loose and flow again. There’s still a lot of bad along with the good in this – all of it related to money, business & being in legal limbo – but suddenly, too, there are people coming out of the woodwork to cut me a break, lend support to an idea, etc. Given the timing of all these people coming forward (began in early October), I wonder whether this isn’t from Jupiter stationing direct. When it went retrograde in June my business, which had been growing very well in May, suddenly tapered off in June, stagnated in July and by mid-August took a huge nosedive that by the end of September had pushed us to the very brink of financial ruin, where I am still teetering very dangerously. Running out of resources and keeping the wolves at bay is a delicate balancing act, but is no longer taking an emotional toll. It’s just business as usual.
Also very interesting to note that in recent weeks I have begun to be aware of my dreams again, and in their returning to my consciousness I realize that it has been at least two years since I could remember a single one. Very unusual for me, as I have always been a prolific dreamer, remembering them all in minute detail.
I’m getting off subject here but I have to tell you this after your comments the other day about Ceres, which is in Virgo in my 10th house. Of the positive time spent with my all-too-often hellish mother over the course of my life, a huge percentage of it had to do with food preparation. Now I own a restaurant and write a blog not just about food, per se, but about the food specific to my mother’s culture. Whaddaya know.
I hope this has been helpful.
Thanks so much for all your wonderful work.
Best,
J
Wow, it’s been a wild ride….I’m a Leo sun with Aquarius rising, and as I look at my life, I’ve always fought with myself. But this year more than before, I’ve sought to make peace with myself and go with the flow of life easier than before. It’s extraordinary to look back & see the cycles and patterns that repeat — but in different ways. I’ve come back into myself and found confidence in my creativity — and the joy that I’ve found my way back to my soul’s purpose — having said that, it’s still a new road to be traveling on. I’ve been transitioning for the past 6 years out of a 20+ year career in publishing – back to creative expression as a designer – and it’s a different reality than when I pushed it aside all those years ago. Now I’m happier – though struggling financially — but my spirit knows that the universe really does take care of everything we need.
And relationship wise, it’s been a whole other roller coaster – watching friends and dear ones die, ending relationships to some who have caused me great pain , and allowing myself to be close to some who are truly amazingly kind and supportive. I’ve learned to trust myself again – and knowing this – I know who to trust outside of myself.
I suppose it’s very much about balance — for me at least – that’s always been a struggle. Being kind to myself, being honest with myself – -and being joyful in my life.
But I do look forward to some of the challenges easing up with the changing planetary aspects!
Other people were aliens this year: dense but shallow, inviting yet hostile; it occurs to me not alien at all, but an unwelcome force-feed of vexing humanity. What an uncomfortable, resolute year. Group politics grew unbearable for this individual (leo sun+moon, virgo ascendent). I suppose I challenge the status quo with little effort and this year felt like it was all about conformity and peer pressure. I found my groove sparse and under the radar, snatching what available love there was and spiriting it away.
On a positive note, I worked through a deep repulsion I feel for a lot of humanity. I collect compassion like rain in a brass cup.
My expanding self-worth [is] definitely a bone of contention amongst family members and old friends. Power struggles happen when status is being challenged. I mean: how [my] growth and development- long overdue I might add and equanimous at its core- can be as divisive and embattled as it’s proved to be, I simply can’t understand. Or accept. The feedback was clear: individuation is disharmonious to the whole. This might be more a result of Saturn in Virgo..
Work has been quite good. Grounding and home issues, too, quite good now that I’ve wrested the idea of ‘home’ away from my family of origin (save my dad + stepmom, very loving home). Slow and steady eyes on the prize.
Pluto in Sag was kind of a blast. Leigh Oswald calls Pluto in Cap for Leo’s a ‘dull placement’.
Lately, love has felt like a parade of the past in terms of past lovers looping through the present like ticker tape. This is cryptic language I newly understand, and I am excited for some real progress here; excited for new awareness to forge solid reality. It has felt like all things romantic were kidnapped in a copious coup and the high-tech security cameras didn’t catch it. I guess it’s also time to grow up. Gen Y is wholly embarassed by all things romantic.
More than anything this year, there was this amazing, comprehensive clearing- out of a toxic majority in almost every facet of my social and familial worlds. I had to cut a bunch of people from the team. Picture a group photo being taken with children sitting on the ground, elders in chairs behind them and the rest of the middle-ages flanking them, and then erase three quarters of them. The ones standing: I say that’s 2010; anything but sepia, thanks.!
MB
Themes for 2009–Acceptance, Forgiveness, Growth
Sun 29 degree Leo, in the 11th house, Venus and Uranus there too
This year offered (and continues to offer) a series of revelations about who I really am. It seems that I run into mirrors that/who show me what I am made of as well as what I lack. Never before have I been able to look at these facets of character with the level of acceptance and forgiveness that I have this year. I see where I am shallow and where I am deep, where I am stingy and where I am generous, where I run from responsibility and where I apply myself. I find that I am moving beyond groups and activities I once loved. I find more comfort in my solitude—a very different place for me. And not just solitude, there is acceptance about how I am different from others and how that difference became pleasurable rather than unspeakably shameful and something to be hidden.
I spent much of this summer in the woods, where I lived as a child. Surrounded with family members, including my parents, I had my own space and was able to retreat when necessary. I got to see many of the family patterns I have been able to release–those dealing with guilt and shame and obligation. And the areas that I still hold. Where I attempted to fit into the mold mom demanded, and how I accepted the limitations dad put in place. I felt much of the anger at reliably childish parents shift and dissipate as I realized how I repeated the same parenting.
So now, I watch my children writing their stories with long standing family patterns. They now struggle with the problems of intimacy, substance abuse, and relationships. Difficult to watch my son and daughter in their dramas, but oddly helpful in forgiving myself and my parents and releasing the impossible rules set by my family. Fit this box, remain silent, never complain, give of self, don’t ask, and never acknowledge the truth of feelings or behaviors. I see what it does, and I am no longer alone or in fear. And the only way out is in the light of truth.
Vocationally, I teach communication courses to undergraduates at a state university. The year has been difficult both for me personally and for my colleagues with the changes dictated by the administration using the market model rather than valuing education. I no longer have the same passion for being in the classroom. I am tired of the consistent attempt to wake the sleeping body of students who need to unlearn before the real learning can take place. Perfectly programmed in consumption, they believe market behavior works in the classroom, in relationships, in getting what satisfies. Yet there are those moments, when they wake for a moment and I see the hunger for something real behind their armored presence. I have to wonder how this mirrors my own sleep and what will wake in me next.
Sexually, this year brought me not just a deeper level of awareness but also an honesty and acceptance of my desires and what constitutes pleasure for me. My lover’s appetite and frankness about what is pleasurable and satisfying allowed me to surrender and release rigid and tortuous ideas about propriety and love. I have to say that I have never laughed as much or as joyfully in bed as I do with him.
Writing this clarified for me how 2009 created a combination of awareness, honesty, laughter, and forgiveness altering me in ways I almost cannot grasp and yet fit so well. Often painful, confusing, and just really, really hard, I don’t want to leave with a Pollyanna spin. It has been brutally demanding to see, acknowledge, and stay with what I have seen and felt. Frequently, I have wanted to give up, leave the planet, drink, or get happy pills to cope. It is quite simply a sense of spiritual aid and divine presence that has kept me going. And maybe something else that I have yet to see or know.
Well, I’m one of the lucky ones , born in 1966, so the Saturn-Uranus opposition has been a big one for me. I am a Leo, with Sag rising. My natal Pluto-Uranus conjunction sits on my mid-heaven, opposing Saturn in the 4th. I also have a stellium in the 8th house, and my SN in Scorpio in the 12 and NN Taurus in the 6th, so lots of Scorpionic influence. The best summary of my life for the past 2 years has been complete transformation, physically/mentally/emotionally/spiritually. It wasn’t until this past July that I felt like I had finally stepped through into another world, another concept of “self”, another way of being.
On the mundane level, I ended an 18 year relationship, literally walking away from my life as I had created it: the relationship, my house, my belongings, even my 2 cats who I consider to be my familiars in every sense of the word. And yet, in the end, I ended up with everything that I need, and got my beloved felines back as well. My career (I have a holistic house-call veterinary practice) was the one constant that sustained me and supported me through this tumultuous process. Financially, some people would say it’s been devastating, but I have been provided for throughout the process with good food, shelter, security, and just the money I have needed, sometimes coming from the most unlikely sources.
Mentally and emotionally, I have moved through layers and layers of stuff and have been lucky enough to have had some incredible facilitators to help me. Two things I’ve learned: when you’re going through hell, keep on going, and, when you’re going through hell, it really helps to have some signposts along the way to let you know you’re going in the right direction. Breaking out of an 18 year co-dependent relationship between 2 extremely wounded people, visiting the places of victimhood, guilt, self-reproach, past-life karma, early infant abuse, etc. etc. etc. What a journey it’s been!
Back in January, at the time of my separation, I made a pact with myself that I would live for at least 12 months, alone, as I have always been in some type of co-habitation relationship. 7 months into this, I unexpectedly had a person walk into my life, a Scorpio Sun and ascendant, who swept me off my feet. After having 3 years of only occasional sex with my ex (my ex actually transitioned from male-to female/or somewhere in between beginning in 2006) I found myself having the most incredible sex I have ever experienced with another human being,; I would go so far as to say Tantric, happening completely naturally, almost like auto-pilot. He has also provided me with a mirror image that encapsulates my own wounding and the whole process that I am just emerging out of. He’s in the middle of his mid-life Uranus opposition. It’s been super intense to say the least. He moved in for a short time, out of a familial situation of distress, and last week I asked him to move back out. This alone has been a test for me in setting boundaries, trust and communication. We are still going to try to keep the relationship going but with space. It seems as though this situation encapsulates the Mars in Leo, Scorpio theme occurring now.
Spiritually, my practice of Vajrayana Buddhism has kept me going and been a huge support. I cannot recommend a daily meditation practice enough – it is the one thing that has provided me with some since of stability amongst all the uncertainty. My interest in astrology, in particular your writings Erik, and those of Richard Tarnus (took a weekend course from him and saw an astrologer trained by him), and shamanic healing ceremonies have also lifted me back up on top of the waves and kept me from drowning. I have much gratitude for all of my teachers, what ever form they have appeared in, Thank you!
Leo Rising (virgo sun)
For 2 years I have not had a job that actually pays money.
I have worked very hard organizing peoples basements or cluttered houses.
My sisters disaster, my boyfriends disaster.
My cat died.
My Nanna ran out of money and was thrown out of her assisted living apartment after paying for 3 years of care. Had to help move her into a Medicaid apartment.
Two friends died. And a 3rd is currently going to die in the next few months
(all had cancer of different types)
Relationship ? A total nonsexual relationship with a person who does not like physical touching. We sleep in seperate beds most of the time.
We live together and I am not allowed to move any of the furniture in his house or even move any of my things into his house. He doesn’t like my style of decorating..
Been living in two different places. A few weeks at my place a few months at his place. I have to go home sometimes because I start to feel like I have no identity at his house. This has been going on for two years. I used to be an executive and worked 40 plus hours a week. I was known for my intelligence.
I had hobbies like oil painting and arts and crafts and decorating…
Living with my boyfriend, I am not even permitted to pick out a table cloth. LOL
Oil Painting and Crafts, it makes too much of a mess for him..
I was laid off and it seems I have not figured out any other identity. As my old friends are dying I attend funerals. The new people in my life are nothing like the friends I had before, they are uneducated farm people who believe the earth is 10,000 years old and H1n1 is gods punishment for same sex marriages. In away I feel like I died and no one told me and I actually went to Hell.
Because where else could I have gone ? Oh a small town..
Yah where everyone knows your name and every single thing you do determines if you get a job.
If I leave him I will be ALONE.
I have money I pay my own bills. Are finances are seperate..
So if I leave, I will be completely alone. Not the kind of alone where people have other choices. I mean totally as in sitting by yourself at thanksGiving, your Birthday etc. The only birthday card I received this year was from him and his mother.
Stuck in the country still applying for jobs everywhere and losing hope that I will ever be the same..So I hope Saturn in Libra will be kinder to Leo Rising.
Because Saturn Virgo has been a real Party Killer..
I hope I can be as articulate as the rest of the writers so far.
I am a Leo Sun, Leo rising.
Some pressures have eased off this year that in previous years was unbearable.
Money issues have almost completely disappeared.
I am in a relationship with a handsome and intelligent Aquarian whose spiritual practice calls for celibacy unless married.
We actually had not had so much action in that area prior to that because of his particularly airy love style leaving me rather cold. I started avoiding contact because of the inevitable feeling of loneliness I would get afterward.
Since we started this celibacy thing, his spiritual practice has intensified and he has become kinder and more trusting…more excited about his life.
I am happy for him, but I am also missing passion and newness in my life.
Like some of the others above, I have felt a little shut down not just sexually, but even in my spiritual practice.
I feel I am at a crossroads with much letting go to do with no indication of what the next phase is.
The feeling of “emptying” that is being asked of me feels so uncomfortable that I find myself trying to grasp.
I am unfulfilled in my professional life as a yoga teacher…and fearful of being somehow consumed by my 9-5 job as an office manager. I don’t worry about money, but I am bored. Another crossroads…
My stepfather is very ill.
He was an abusive and distant male role model for my formative years. I am not really sure what I feel about his passing. I only know it is difficult and sad.
A lot of friends have come back into my life after absences of up to 20 years.
I also feel myself wanting to let go of the friends that somehow don’t work anymore.
I find myself learning to discern between what is really good and what is merely mediocre.
I feel buried parts of myself resurfacing and integrating.
I had a creative life up until moving to NYC 4 years ago. I feel like that energy was used for survival. Now, I feel the need to be creative returning.
It is an absolute necessity.
I am standing upon the shifting sands of this time and trying to keep my feet with a sense of inner groundedness and connection to self.
It is a simultaneous process of effort and letting go.
I am learning. That’s all I can say for now.
soulsecrets (and Eric),
I’m so sorry to hear what happened to you in 2007–I hope you find ways to heal from that violation of trust, and that terrible physical violation.
I shouldn’t be responding in this section (I was gathering my thoughts for the Scorpio run), but I have an 26’37 Cancer ascendant, which probably gives me many house placement similar to an early Leo ascendant.
And this thing with the sexual deadness–I’ve had it too and for the same period of time. I have great orgasms from my partner, who is gorgeous and sensitive and adoring and accomodating–the best guy I’ve ever been with by far. But while I usually have been for much of my life someone who is on fire sexually–who smolders and sends involuntary messages and is aware of the sexuality of others etc. (though only really attracted to one person at any given time)–since mid-2007 through now I find that the sexuality that was a part of who I am has subsided into nothingness. When my partner makes overtures I tend to turn away, or start talking or find other ways to deflect. It’s so unfair to him, and I don’t even understand why I’m this why–I don’t recognize myself. I used to think I was so hot, but I don’t even care about it anymore.
Not to be so dramatic about it ;> I just realized, when I read the end of soulsecret’s piece, that this had also happened to me in this exact period of time. Except, in my case, there was no sexual trauma precipitating the event.
Wow. The ecology of my life feels like a blur. I am in graduate school, a process which I am realizing is quite unbearable. My life is constant work or guilt about not work or thinking about work constantly. I feel like my life is out of control and that there are no brakes to slow it down, to regain control, and lately I feel like jumping the train as it hurtles on.
The focus of my studies is adolescent positive youth development programs. I came into this process full of hope and excitement for the possibilities of who I can be in the world – finally. And, I find myself full of disillusionment about this process and what it means. I think the research IS useful and worthwhile, and at the same time am realizing that may not be right for me. Looking back I am wondering if I’ve made the wrong career decision at every turn. At 34, I wish that I had known my love of dancing when I was young enough to begin a career in that direction. Or in some other direction of art or creativity.
I have recently come into a bounty of stained glass art supplies from a friend. My forays into painting began the same way in 1997: someone discarding their art stuff during a move. I have wanted to learn stained glass for over 10 years and just never did it. And now in cardboard boxes in my living room, I have glass pieces calling out to me. I particularly enjoy how dangerous these supplies sound when they get moved. Sharp, broken, glass. Danger and anticipation.
The last year has been a perpetual struggle for balance in every aspect of my life: work, family, boyfriend, friends, rest, creativity, substances. I have found time and again a deep chasm between what happens in my mind and what happens where I live. It’s been a long process of letting go of notions and ideals and long-held outdated ideas and beliefs about myself and love and work and family. These themes are huge and keep recurring often in massive, roller coaster waves. I find that more than anything my identity, how I know myself, how I want to know myself, and who I want to be are in a constant flux. And I experience this is a deep psychic despair. For finding a place to call home, in every sense of the word. Yet, nothing ever seems to fit, at least not for long.
My father went through a divorce of an 18-year marriage this time last year – she left right before Thanksgiving. This ripped open old wounds from my parents’ divorce, old wounds from the drama that ensued with my dad and his wife, and created new ones for me about the idea of stability and family. I endured a lot in order for her to become part of my family in my heart and blood. The news of their divorce derailed my most successful effort to date of quitting smoking. I had finally made good progress, had gone 3 months, was running too, and eating well. My momentum towards healthfulness has been splintered ever since. I have tried many times to regain traction in healthful eating, exercise, and quitting smoking with no success so far.
Commitment has become a major theme over the last year or so. To school, to my partner. I’ve always struggled with maintaining a stable relationship over time. Every relationship I’ve had since I was 15 has been marked by a predictable break-up/get back together cycle every few months. The relationship I am in now has been the first one where I’ve ever celebrated a one-year anniversary. We live two blocks from each other and the prospect of moving-in is not an urgent one for either of us. We enjoy our alone time and space, and his son lives with him for half of every week. I dug my first garden at their house this summer and we all had our own unique experience of marvel and intrigue as the plants grew. Somehow, the garden represented a commitment I was making to them and a new way for me to engage with the world. Neighbors we had never spoken to before suddenly were chatting us up about their own gardens, recommending seeds, giving advice, and generally sharing in the splendors and trials of gardening. Toiling over the garden through it’s different phases brought me a deep sense of satisfaction, purpose, and centeredness.
Commitment to work is a significantly more difficult issue. I am exhausted and ready to leave the doctorate program with my masters. The culture I’m in tries very hard to justify completing Ph.D. I shift drastically in my desire, motivation, and interest in doing this. I am starting realize that I may have made the decision to pursue this line of work out of the need to prove something to someone. The process and cycle of establishing an argument and defending it is unbelievably tedious and meticulous. And I am not sure the long term benefits are appealing enough to me to complete this program. I need a balance between thought and action, mental and physical.
I have also been struggling with my sense of sexuality since I moved to start the graduate program in summer of 2007. Prior to my move, I was in a sexually stagnant relationship. I was very attracted to my partner but his sex drive was nominal, and his curiosity was absent. I slowly shut down out of frustration. That summer I found myself coerced into sex by a friend I had trusted deeply. And I moved 2 weeks later. Now I found where I used to know myself as a sexual and sensual person, that I feel almost completely dead. Much like most of the other parts of my life, I’m struggling to find my way back to something that I enjoy while simultaneously accepting where I’m at in the now.
In short, I don’t know that I’ve ever felt so torn and stretched or that I’ve been so close to the precipice of personal revelation and freedom.
Hi Eric,
Happy Halloween! Don’t know what the weather is like by you but today is cold & windy–the leaves blow around and it seems fitting for today.
So my thoughts of being & Leo and dealing with transists? Without going back through journals, here’s my reponse. (In other words, this is coming more of my gut now, than anywhere else I hold my feelings.)
One of the biggest things I’ve taken on this year is the possibility of starting a family. And one part of this piece has been focusing on being adopted. I’ve been unpacking a lot of heavy duty shit. It’s been difficult but it’s all been worth it. As part of this “unpacking” I’ve been seeing a cranio-sacral therapist and it’s been amazing. really, I have one compassionate healer working with me. She’s made me aware of all the emotional stew that was literally part of my cellular development: shame, fear, embarrassment, abandonment, confusion. So in a way I’ve spent a chunk of the year dealing with my mothers’ secrets. (I consciously took it on staring in January; breakthroughs this summer and fall)
I’ve also spent the year coming to turns with a lot of guilt I’ve been carrying around. Guilt I was unaware of–I really did think I had purged a lot of it. Most recently, say last 4 months, I’ve been become aware of feeling guilty for how I feel. (again, cellular level, right?)
Well, I am consciously trying to NOT feel guilty about having feelings.
In fact, I spent a lot of the summer simply saying “I have feelings” to my partner. Definitely feeling the need for my feelings to be acknowledged. (some of this stemming back to childhood, too)
But I’ve also become aware that I have good instincts. I really do. And somehow that helps getting through the tough times.
A lot to throw at you perhaps but I’ve been meaning to email or discuss the whole adoption thing with you. Partly due to your own on going work with adoption & astrology.
It’s important for me to share with you some of these insights or observations. You did a reading for me last year (Aug 2008, then Oct 08) that I didn’t quite get. It was about mothers & secrets & guilt. Now I get it. I value your role in my life as astrologer & friend.
love,
____
PS, I just re-read what you were asking for & realized I didn’t mention work.
My struggle at work relates to other parts of my life: the struggle to be heard. Came to the realization I have a lot to offer & that I’m worth listening to. (this may seem obvious but in a fundamental way it wasn’t to me.)
This struggle to be heard is also in my family of origin, my current primary relationship. F*ck, I think it goes all the way back to being one, two, three days old in the hospital. (There were four days between when I was born and when they adopted me & brought me home.) So this not being heard is one of the ways I entered this world.
I could take it further and wonder if this is why I got into radio. and then print. . . .
But this is prolly enough for now.
I am an Aries with Leo Rising…I’m not sure what sign has been influencing what particular aspects in my life but I do feel these last 18 months has been slowly amalgamating into the transformation I have been going through as a person…I still sense the old me but I have become aware of a whole other new me and I feel these last 11 months have been huge in many aspects of my life, i feel like I’ve hit certain milestones some have been intentions that I’ve had for years, some at a subtle trivial level…for example wanting a tattoo these last 11 years but not knowing what to get as I wanted it to be meaningful to me as a person, I finally stumbled across my design on a native american website as I was reading about certain symbols, this was Oct 2008, I finally got it done over April-July as it ended up being 3 tatts going down the middle of my back…my own personal totem poll that I have become aware of how I live my life.
Other milestones have involved my career…I’ve been working two jobs these last 4 years both at different universities, I was part-time lecturing at one while the other I was a technician, in September I had to leave the lecturing behind, the other uni has given me a teaching role in effect a new job and would not allow me to carry on lecturing. So now I teach students, helping them work on there concepts being creative and technichal with them….I have only been doing this for a couple of months but I want to push this role further and enhance it for myself as well as the job…I have a lot ideas but whether this is possible to turn into reality is another matter…I’ve begun to learn from my working relationships with the support I provide as well as learning to work with a difficult colleague who has completely different aspect of how to work with students…we are chalk and cheese, he is very restrictive for them. Ultimately I realise I want a leadership role but to provide a service a digital hub for teaching, working on research projects with staff and being creative/technical in work to make things happen for a positive effect. I am also toying with the idea of making a documentary and collaborating with a colleague but part of me has the fear factor on taking this onboard as I’ve not done anything like this for many years and I want it to be good and professional looking but fear I’ve forgotten how to shoot and use a camera.
I also finally travelled this year, went to China and had the time of my life, travelling has been in my mind for many many years but never manages due to finances and having to clear some debts or other stuff coming up. I met loads of different people and had an amazing experience in a very alien environment which I found fascinating. I also learnt new things about myself in a very short trip.
My friendships have taken on a whole new meaning for me….I realise I only want ‘real’ friends..I don’t like imitation, life has started having to be real for me. I have come to notice how they are there for me and vice versa. One particular friendship seems to have taken off onto a whole new level and I have ended up getting closer to this person. The strangest twist this year has been my ex coming back into my life, the relationship ended 18 months ago, we had not been in contact at all and then suddenly I accidently I received a text…I responded without thought and we ended up texting for the rest of the day and recently have become friends again…this has been strange but nice for me…almost healing in a kind of way and I’m happy to forget the past and let go, which have these last 18 months…i’ve moved on…things happen between people and things happen for a reason.
Love has been the most profound realisation I’ve had this year, I was with someone else for 7 months and we have since broke up to which I am actually relieved…it all goes back to being ‘real’ and what I want from my relationships with people. I thought I was ‘in love’ with this person but became aware that I wasn’t and that the love was inside me that has been slowly coming to the surface these last 18 months…i’ve started getting into cooking…when I do it with heart, I know I make an enjoyable meal, my greenhouse blossomed with veg…I never seen anything like it…all done with love and I realised that I love life and all that it’s shown me this year…the blips I have had have been difficult but it’s made me realise the ‘real’ and what I would like from life, it has to be purposeful to my soul in whatever I do and help me continue to evolve into whatever I finally transform into.
Stay cool and love
Spacey xx
This year has been a humdinger for me. I’m no astrology expert, so here is a lay-person’s account of what’s been going on, including any observations that come up as I write:
Work: non-existent professionally. This has clearly been a year of “healer, heal thyself”. All work has been spiritual and psychological. It has been painful and frustrating, but liberating; and I can see palpable results beginning to emerge. I feel like a butterfly in the making … not there yet, but also not a pupa anymore either. It feels like this work was sparked by events in 2004/2005, with its roots earlier than that (1997/98?); and I’m only beginning to process what I went through then. Now it seems more fitting to focus on money-making work – this is very recent: about three weeks or so. Whether it pans out that way, though, remains to be seen!
Relationships: Whoa! I am married to a fellow Leo, and we have really had our ups and downs this year. We were married in April (see, I nearly typed “marred” there!); and then hit the skids almost immediately. Me because I retreat from myself in relationship – I’m terrified of what “being fully myself” will mean in terms of change in my life. Him because he is working through deep-seated abandonment patterns. I also have in my life a mirror: a soul-mate. We work on a more energetic level. He is an Aquarius, fittingly. This particular relationship has been painful and ecstatic at alternating times – a lot of passion, projection … nothing physical … until last Thursday, and then not much. Now I feel what I’ve been missing sexually. It has set me on fire in the most excruciating way, because it sits alongside the Self-limiting choices I have made thus far. I feel like I’m in relationship no-mans-land, making it up as I go along.
Mothering: I’m realising that I am not my mother, though we share similarities. I think I’m a better mother now that I am mothering myself more, and I have a strong sense that karma is presenting itself to be voided by going into things with more consciousness.
Money: tight, but then it comes through just when we need it.
Magic: quick manifestations, strong but more grounded spirituality this year. More of an assuming of responsibility for the “God inside” rather than something impersonal and remote. Individuation, I guess.
If I think of anything else, I’ll let you know. 🙂
My leo sun didn’t actually mope around for 10 years – he finished an engineering degree, worked hard at the job, bought a nice house, paid off all debt except the house, including all the student loans. But he has a worrier saturn virgo, pluto in scorpio as part of his internal structure that makes him want life to flow a certain way. He dated a lot of women over the years, nice professional women – but none were looking for a life partner, and maybe that was a sign of the last decade too. Anyway he sure was happy about the sagittarius phone call this week – he didnt’ say it but it showed in the joyful demeanor, and the fact he told me about it said a lot because he never mentions any women to us, and he has definitely not been joyfully happy during all this time.
Congrats on your miracle year, Linda. May you continue to de-bag (box? corral?) yourself as we slip into the dix (“spoken” & “ten”) of our New Millennium.
Sing out!
xo
M
PS although perhaps ironically my Leo friend has Pisces moon, perhaps this helps give us understanding of the others travels.
Eric,
A few quick lines as I’ve Leo Rising to complement my Pisces sun.
This past year began with confusion and mental fog and still a state of constant anxiety – not even frustrated anymore – been not able to box my way out of the proverbial paper bag for so long that seeing the years go by in this state just got to be normal. As I got grips around being more fishy and letting the bag fall away (instead of punching at it) it began to do just that (slip away) and light has been shining in brightly as the year has escalated exponentially with good stuff (mostly spiritual in nature) although I’ve much work ahead to make something of the opportunities finally finding their way to me differently (I’ve always had opportunity throw itself at me, it’s been me who had to change and find opportunity.) Finding path and focus has gotten far easier and enjoyable too. (It’s fun to laugh.)
Relationships have changed in direction I have sought…again, as through I have finally freed myself from lifetime bonds or more probably I’ve slipped out of them and the jailer can’t seem to find me to lock me up again – or isn’t interested in looking anymore. Many dreams of telling dad that he can’t hit me anymore and getting in touch with the joyful little girl inside of me — harder but beginning to come through is really BEING my sexy adult woman and not just putting on the front because it’s what I know I want to be and what others already see.
Also my closest friend is Leo sun and I’ve seen much parellel progress but his story I cannot tell for him — he appears to still be very much jailed by his past – we shall see what the next year brings as I know that his Leo sun style is to break out suddenly, while mine must be more Piscean in terms of steady swimming.
My son is a leo who has been moping around for the last 10 years or so – probably due to pluto in Sagitarrius or something. His girlfriend wanted to get married but he wasn’t ready and wanted to finish school, so she got mad and married a guy with 3 kids. She’s a sagittarius. Someone told her my son would be bored with her since all she did was clean houses for a living. That was a total lie – he wasn’t bored. So anyway she calls him this week to let him know she has nearly completed a law degree and said the marriage was a mistake. Well duh – I knew that from the get go. So now he’s looking all sparky again, like when he was 20 and I said, do you have a date tonight and said ‘maybe’. Oh boy. I can say with truth that when she broke up with him it was one sad day for me too because I really loved her, and I still do. Some people just feel like family, ya know? I don’t even feel guilty for hoping she gets a divorce, because I knew the marriage happened while she was on the rebound and that she has never been real happy. I’m sorry for the other man, but he may not be happy either for all I know. I wonder if all leos took a bruising during the Sag transit of pluto? Maybe a bruising, but also pointed in the right direction too?
Good afternoon! Thank goodness Chiron and Jup are direct. That’s one. So, we make our patterns. We re-create old patterns to learn forgiveness and love. Practice is important. Pluto says refine bad habits for better fulfillment and that health issues have an emotional undertone. Work can be a great stomping ground for the evolution of old ways. The whole oneness reality is baffling – legit. Being able to ‘watch’ or witness lights up the mind as others act out different aspects of this One Being. Sorry to sound so new agey. What else? Give others a lot of room to grow — but don’t forget to till the soil. With a focus on gratitude, anything can be done.