Last week, when we read in the news that 35% of spouses polled would pick their BlackBerry over their husband or wife, we were understandably skeptical. Then we received this letter.
Dear Planet Waves,
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Madonna sleeps with her BlackBerry under her pillow.
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I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve exhausted all my resources and have nowhere else to turn.
Last Sunday, after being a supportive and loving wife for 15 years, my partner sat me down and told me he was leaving me.
And, to make matters worse, he’s leaving me for someone younger, someone I introduced him to last Christmas. Yes, he’s leaving me to pursue what he calls a “more fulfilling” relationship with his BlackBerry.
I should have seen the signs. He used to snuggle up next to me in bed every night, and we’d have lots of sex — tons.
But last Spring, he started fantasizing about bringing BlackBerry to bed with us. He kept saying that I’d think it was hot if I only tried it, that we could text each other what we wanted to do next, or send dirty emails, while we fucked, to a guy we scored in Australia a few years ago or download porn from bed instead of watching it from our computer desk.
He just kept asking and asking and, finally sometime in May, I relented.
Personally, I didn’t think it was that great. I’ve always felt like threesomes were a bit awkward — someone inevitably feels left out. That night in May, it was me.
After that, BlackBerry was in bed with us every night, resting between our two pillows so I’d have to climb over it to get to Dave. I stopped trying.
When I woke up in the morning, they’d be out of bed already, at the breakfast table together: Dave would be eating cereal and drinking coffee, and BlackBerry would be next to him, coordinating meetings. I never thought I could feel more alone, more neglected. Now, though, in an empty house, with Dave in his new BlackBerry lovenest down the street, I feel even worse.
Is there anything in the astrology that explains why this happened to me? I knew my husband liked younger partners (I’m seven years his junior), but this BlackBerry he ran off with isn’t even a year old! What does it have that I don’t have?
— One-time twosome in Tuscon.
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Dear One-time Twosome,
Oh boy, when we heard McCain’s team claim he invented the BlackBerry, we knew this device was trouble.
I had Genevieve Salerno take a look at BlackBerry’s natal chart, and there are a few aspects that explain a lot about this device, particularly why someone, like your ex Dave, might find it to be a perfect match.
First, a Mercury-Sun-Uranus conjunction in Aquarius makes this seem like the orgasm every nerd has denied himself in the name of science.
Aquarius is the sign of popularity, of the community. With the Sun and Mercury exactly conjunct, Aquarius is supercharging with the power and will to communicate better and more efficiently. And, as we always purport in Planet Waves, open communication is the key to a successful relationship.
So while you were sulking instead of talking to your husband about how you felt about this BlackBerry, he was riding on a super-communication wave with someone else. BlackBerry became his primary confidante, and it sure is good at what it does.
Unfortunately, it seems the planets are all lined up for a little gadget that’s easy to get fixated on. There’s always the chance that a fixation will run its course, and Dave could tire of the BlackBerry and come crawling back to you. The question is, are you ready to confront the areas that the two of you were lacking, and that the BlackBerry filled so well? Do you want him back if you have to face these issues?
The choice is up to you: technology has become an integral part of our everyday lives. Sure, I probably spend as much time on my MacBook typing as I do talking to my girlfriend, if not more these days.
In a world that’s becoming busier and busier, scheduling time with our partners to just be with them without alarms, or email — or BlackBerries — is both increasingly difficult and important.
And when you’re competing with the information superhighway for queen of communication, you have to work that much harder to provide the things a screen never could: eye contact, warm touch, kisses.
Yours & truly,
