I never got to take guitar lessons from Jerry Garcia, but I do get to talk to Betty Dodson about sex. For those new to the name, Betty Dodson has gone from the mother of masturbation to the grandmother of masturbation to the high priestess of masturbation; which is to say, claiming the right and privilege of female sexual pleasure, and passing the information along. Planet Waves is one of her dependable repeating stations.
Betty was one of the very first pro-sex feminists of the 1970s and I believe spawned a generation of sexpositive ‘third wave’ feminists the likes of Tristan Taormino and Susie Bright. Here is a Planet Waves edition about her from late 2008.
I heard the latest stories out of her life and what it’s like to be sexual at age 80 (well, she’s about to turn 80 this summer, near the Leo-Virgo cusp).В We talked about how you need a thick skin and a healthy ego in order to be able to withstand the usual blowback from being positive about sex. But we’ve both noticed that people are starting to get the message that masturbation is healthy and sex is important.
Betty has been on a long campaign to debunk the myth of the vaginal orgasm, a notion popularized by a man who lacked both a clitoris and a vagina, Sigmund Freud. His concept was that girls orgasm from playing with their clits; real women orgasm from having a penis inside them. A writer named Ann Koedt finally challenged this idea in the 1970s, but not after it had done quite a bit of damage to women who need and want clitoral stimulation in order to come.
Today Betty posted to her blog a new article on this topic, called “The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm,” referencing Koedt. This link will take you there. Here is a short excerpt:
In Anne Koedt’s own words, “…perhaps one of the most infuriating and damaging results of this whole charade has been that women who were perfectly healthy sexually were taught that they were not. So in addition to being sexually deprived, these women were told to blame themselves when they deserved no blame. Looking for a cure to a problem that has none can lead a woman on an endless path of self-hatred and insecurity.”
In all the forty-some years I’ve taught women about orgasm, the same problems exist now as then. Childhood masturbation was punished or inhibited. The same as me forty years ago, women don’t like their genitals and they don’t understand their own sexual anatomy. Many have never seen their clitoris and they can’t find their G-spots and “squirt” to please a lover. They continue to fear vibrator addiction and long to come from a lover’s touch. Or better yet, they want to learn how to come during intercourse.
Forget Ensler’s Vagina Warriors. When women claim the Clitoris as our rightful sex organ of pleasure, we can end the war between the sexes. Orgasmic women will heal us from all the lies we’ve been told. Once liberated, people can end America’s wars of aggression as our number one form of business. Pleasure belongs to all people.
I had quite an interesting moment re. the clit a few months ago when I stumbled upon a video called “Clit Pumping Orgasm.”
When extended via suction, I was surprised to find that the clit looks just like a tiny penis!
Live and learn. :-}
Here’s a fun TED talk (Technology, Entertainment and Design) by Mary Roach –
Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Orgasm:
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/mary_roach_10_things_you_didn_t_know_about_orgasm.html
This reminds me of Larry Durrell’s phrase: choice young cliterocrats.
The nerves of what we call the clit wrap around the top of the vagina, forming a wishbone pattern, the ‘legs’ ending just a few millimeters from the sacrum. These nerves meet in the front of the vulva, tying themselves into that neat little knot.
There are two principle things that happen during the fuck: one is that both ‘legs’ of the wishbone are stimulated, the other has to do with the joints at the hips and symphysis pubis – when they are ‘jarred’ by the impact of intercourse, they release the structure held a certain way by our bipedal habits. This alters our awareness of the duality that our body demonstrates. I won’t say that it eliminates it, but it is reduced.
Add to this stim of that topknot and you have quite a party. The cool thing about women’s sexuality is that we are built to move subtle sexual energy as it comes in (from the tip toward the sacrum) or out (from the wishbones to the tip). This is the main reason that every single tantra in the world begins with the declaration that all women are goddesses. We aren’t vertical in our sexuality, we’re circular.
In other words: masturbation is lovely *and* the clitoris can also be stimulated through intercourse. Mary Roach (author of Bonk!) talks about cool it is that pigs have an internal clit. Well, actually, so do we all.