Today’s Oracle takes us back to the Virgo weekly of June 11, 1999
How could you have missed what was so clear all along? Could it be that, guarding your sense of safety and security, you chose to see things the way you wanted? Could it be that in protecting your interests, you were willing to make compromises that you never would have otherwise made, had you not felt somehow forced into your circumstances? One aspect of the history of relationships in our culture is the tale of what people think they can do to control one another. Rather than being immoral, this is truly impossible. Life is not about control, it is about making decisions, and that, I suspect, just got easier for you.
(The Daily Oracle is a random selection from one of 10,000 Eric Francis horoscopes. New horoscopes are published weekly plus twice a month in Planet Waves Astrology News and Planet Waves Light. The Oracle itself is a divination tool available to subscribers to either of these services.)
Hazel…” Could we ask questions for clarity, rather than restate our view in an even more entrenched way? Could we be open rather than judge? Could we get out of ‘tell’ mode?”
Each of these is truly key, and I need to work on all of them. Thank you, love.
Cheryl. Rather pink-cheeked on reading it again this morning, however still mean every word. Thank you so much for responding, H.
Elegantly stated and I am 100% in agreement. Thank you Hazel for your heartfelt post. You have the wisdom and presense of words I couldn’t find within myself to express.
Cheryl
This seems as good a place as any to post this.
‘It is through exchange that we enrich one another. It is through integrity that we support each other. It is through mediation that we appreciate each other.’ Len Wallick.
Reading Len’s post helped bring some perspective to the surprisingly strong feelings I experienced in response to the PW blog affray over the weekend. I wasn’t around for it, having been travelling for a few days and caught up with it afterwards. On reading the posts, I literally felt ‘beside myself’ with anger, disbelief and unfairness at some of the exchanges taking place. I have other stuff going on in my life right now, stuff that I’m doing okay at handling and some stuff that I’m making a bit of a meal of. It’s all in there and so I know that my emotional surge was not just a result of reading posts on PW.
However, Len’s words did help me pin-point a little of what I was troubling myself with and I guess it is along these lines:- I thought that PW was a place where people could speak freely, and that the culture (set by those who have created the site and developed by those who visit) was one where we would not be making too many assumptions, where we would not be saying ‘you got it wrong for me’, where we would not judge too much, where we would have differences but explore them rather than accuse, where we would do all that Len suggested above – exchange, be authentic, and attempt to mediate ourselves and others when we got into difficulties, or could see we were about to. I accept that this is/was my belief; my own ideal laid upon PW.
Blogs are brilliant but can also be so very, very tricksy. In communicating like this we lose several critical senses; sight, sound and presence, (presence allowing us to pick up the energy emitted from the other). Misunderstanding will abound – how could it not? There are so many different perceptions, interpretations, personal filters, backgrounds, views, belief, moods, attitudes, needs…this list is not exhaustive. These misunderstandings occur when we’re face to face, so for me, blogs represent communication difficulty – cubed.
So what do we do when we have an opinion to share, a view to put forward; when we have a need or a desire to be understood? State our position regardless of which way the conversation is headed, regardless of topic? Lob in our two-cents like hand-grenades at a wedding reception and hope for the best (or worst)?
And what is the motivation for putting the view forward anyway? Is it to share, learn, help, to clarify, to ease the misunderstanding? Or is it just to be heard, to make look/sound good, to let the sheer magnificence of (your) intellect reduce everything else to rubble, to let someone else know that they are wrong? Perhaps it’s because the flow is not going your way, because you’re bored, because it’s so simple – why doesn’t everyone else get it? Or maybe this website is just like many of the relationships you have in your life – not right for you in reality, but you do what you always do and remain in it and in an exercise of total futility, try to get the other person to change, when it’s really you who needs to move on. Maybe it is just to stir it all up with a big shitty stick. It could be all of these and more.
I’m not advocating dull, flat debates with no heat in them – quite the opposite in fact. However I am for asking that somehow, we do for each other what we would want of each other. Well, I’ll be clear and say that it is what I would like.
I’m wondering about the following as possibilities for engaging here. That if we want to be heard and understood, is it possible we could attempt to hear and understand the other. Could we genuinely attempt to check out what we think someone is saying, rather than reacting first? Could we ask questions for clarity, rather than restate our view in an even more entrenched way? Could we be open rather than judge? Could we get out of ‘tell’ mode? If we are going to change the topic on a thread, could we say we are doing that and why? Could we try harder to communicate with each other rather than force views down throats? Could we resist accusing, and risk accepting? Could we put our hand up when we call it incorrectly? Could this be from all of us, rather than some?
I believe we could do all of these things and have a richer dialogue, in the truest sense of the word. I know this is possible, because it does happen, lots of times, just not nearly enough. I do not get it ‘right’ on here all the time – no way I do – but I am up for making the effort. I want to learn.
Congruence is hard to check out on a blog. Only those posting their views know the motivation behind what they are doing. It would be wonderful if there was integrity behind each and every post. However we may have to leave that up to the person commenting, and ultimately the moderator to call it as he sees it, once he has checked it out.
On PW the hurt, anger and despair at our treatment from politicians, companies, families, significant others are often written about. Moving tales of experience and new understandings have been shared here many times, and I for one have learned much about those people and myself as a result.
If we want things to be different, better, if we want to have better treatment from others, then surely it must begin with us. Exchange, integrity and mediation, to be heard and understood – surely we have to demonstrate it first?