Editor’s Note: This week’s guest relationship blogger is Aggie at SoloPoly.com. It’s well known that our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being is greatly enhanced by affectionate, nurturing touch; what’s not as well known are ways to give and receive that touch outside of intimate sexual relationships. — Amanda
By Aggie
People are really touchy. That is, most people desire or require touch and affection on a regular basis — nonsexual as well as sexual. No kidding: touch helps keep you healthy and happy. (Don’t believe me? The National Institutes of Health says so.)
This is why in the last few years I’ve gotten very creative about how I meet my needs for affectionate touch. And I’m a much happier person because of this. You can be, too.
The catch is, we live a generally sex-negative (and thus oversexualized, but not in a good way) society. And a highly couple-centric one at that. Consequently, almost any human interaction is subject to intense scrutiny and judgment according to its potential sexual overtones — and whether those overtones are deemed socially “normal” or “good,” or “wrong” or “dangerous.”
Most of us, at some point, worry about whether casual touch or affection with someone who is not already an intimate partner might “send the wrong message” (particularly about whether we’d like to ride the relationship escalator with that person), “start a rumor,” confuse/offend the person we touch or cause anyone witnessing such gestures to negatively assess our character or judgment.
Even the vast body of research that’s been done into the physical and psychological effects of casual touch and affection mostly focuses on couples — contact that happens within the context of an established intimate partnership. That sends the unfortunately limiting message: Touch is good for you and you need it, but it’s only safe/acceptable to seek it from your partner. (And if you don’t have a partner, you need to get one first.)