Under New Management

In response to yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling, Burwell v. Hobby Lobby I thought it might be fitting to publish this piece. Written 2012, “Under New Management” was inspired by Virginia’s transvaginal probe laws and Citizens United. It’s part of a larger work-in-progress called “Birthright” by our company The Medea Project — Theater for Incarcerated Women in collaboration with Planned Parenthood-Shasta Pacific. As times change, the writing on the wall gets clearer. — fb

Good afternoon, and welcome to the eighth annual shareholders meeting of the IUC, an entirely women-owned global corporation based solely on the needs and interests of Vagina-Americans everywhere. So much has happened since our decision to incorporate eight years ago. We decided then that no one but ourselves would determine the destiny of our wombs. No congressmen, no Catholic bishops, and now look at what we’ve accomplished.

With windfalls from our corporate tax breaks, we have cornered the market on feminine hygiene from womb to tomb. From Tidy Wipes to tampons, diapers to douches and Depends. And, all our products are sustainably produced, chemical-free and environmentally sound.

We have controlling interests over all contraceptive drugs and devices, ensuring that they are affordable for all women, have no harmful side effects and are not tested on unsuspecting international markets or on poor women here in America.

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