Editor’s note:If you have a question you would like answered and explored in this forum, please email Jan at Drjanseward [at] gmail.com. Please note, depending on volume of emails, not all letters may be featured. Letters may be edited for length and clarity. We’re enjoying what our readers come up with! — amanda
Dear Jan:
I recently ended a three year relationship, it was always a mess emotionally, but we had the biggest intellectual and sexual connection ever. It’s such a relief having the drama gone, and I’m finding intellectual connection elsewhere… but my emotions now revolve around the sexual void I’m left with. Or rather, my subconscious is.
I have very vivid dreams and wake up incredibly aroused and involved with him, it’s the most intense dreaming I’ve ever had. Such subconscious activity is bringing a lot of the emotions back, pulling me into a cesspool rather than moving away and forward, toward new opportunities and interests.
When I’m awake I’ve been successful keeping my mind quiet, and consciously not thinking about him, or us, or anything that keeps me stuck in the past… but my dreams bring me right back, and I’m waking up many mornings with him fresh on my mind and still tantalizing my body. How do I move forward when my body is still stuck?
I’d prefer to remain anonymous…
Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for your courageous letter about a struggle so many of us can relate to: how to move forward in spite of our attractions, obsessions and addictions. First, I want to support and applaud you for moving away from someone who wasn’t constructive for you emotionally, despite your intense sexual and intellectual chemistry. This is never easy to do! We can all relate to the state of relationship that ‘hurts so good’, and it’s always easier to stay with the status quo — especially when the sex is good (or fantastic).