 |
Get a clue. Really. You think everything is so simple. Your supposed attitude that “everything will always work out” is just a mask for your deep abiding pessimism and misanthropia, which in turn conceals several layers of highly complicated psychiatric issues not covered by DSM-V and which are not even planned for DSM-XVII. You look like you’re doing pretty well on Xanax, but you can’t put that on your resume. Or at least I don’t recommend it. You know you came into this life to conquer and maraud. What on Earth is stopping you?
 |
What is love? You have one idea, but you must eventually come to grips with its eminently tragic nature. Your deeply romantic constitution will not stop the Sun from going nova, keep the Bomb out of Iran’s hands or prevent anyone from having those hormone surges that induce them to forget their ethics and travel to Las Vegas for half a dozen lap dances, no matter how pure you personally are. The only reason you wear those heart-shaped glasses is to prevent eye contact. Trust me, it works.
 |
In the land of the blind, a one-eyed man is not only considered crazy, he actually is. That would be you. This your saving grace, and at least you have one. These days life is handing you so many choices. Do you close the other eye, or open both of them? Do you squint, and pretend you can’t see? Or by keeping one eye open, are you just trying to subtly inform the world that you’re always telling a little white lie? The fact that you insist on keeping everyone else in the dark about your true nature will not save you from reincarnating as the world’s first chimpanzee who can type 70 words a minute in three different languages. Thank God you have a future. Not everyone can say that.