Editor’s Note: The following article is from Steroid Weekly, a newsletter dedicated to the interesting effects and evolution of legal steroid usage in the Enhanced Leagues. Steroid Weekly interviews Rex “The Pusher” Fallon, president of the Player Enhanced Sports Union. (Eric’s Note: This is actually a satire, originally published in Next World Stories, written by Carol van Strum and Jordan Merrell in Oregon. Imagine…a sports league dedicated to steroids.)
S.W. : Mr. Fallon, why do they call you “the Pusher” and how did you become president of PESU?
R.F.: I’m tha’ pusha’ �cuz I can push a lotta weight, wanna see?
S.W. : Er, no. I am aware of your strength.
R.F.: I got to runnin’ things when we had a tournament of fightin’ to see who could wup who. I’m too big to be hurt so it wasn’t hard to crush my opprah – uh – opponents.
S.W. : Yes, the incident was widely publicized. Didn’t the man die from his injuries?
R.F. : Yeah. But see he should’a just gave me the job. He knew the – uh – he took the risk.
S.W. : So you must have some good qualifications to have been given the job of president. What were they?
R.F. : �Cuz I’m bigger than everybody else and I wanted it more.
S.W.: That’s it?
R.F. : Yep.