By Carol Van Strum
IWW transmit, Lunar Observation Lab, February 29: The U.S. space program, funded by reality television advertising since early days of the Greater Depression, received a major setback today, when sponsors pulled the plug on its popular, star-studded “LOL” series. Advertisers’ outrage was reportedly triggered by footage of Normandy Spears, the program’s First Granddaughter, bursting the seams of a canine space suit. The last words of the show, bleeped out on public airwaves, were Ms. Spears wailing, “But it was made for a damn bitch, it’s fucking got to fit me!”
Another victim of the cancellation is the Department of Defense lunar headquarters, which was also funded by advertising revenue from the reality show as well as from controversial laser billboards flashed across the moon’s surface nightly. Defense contractors are at a loss, literally. The collapse of the DoD’s Lunar Observation Laboratory will cost nearly three times as much to fix as it cost to build. Cosmonauts and stellar soldiers alike have been working around the clock to fix breaks and leaks in the airtight buildings that comprise the military complex, known popularly as LOL since its long-suppressed military purpose became known.
According to documents filed in ongoing litigation between the government and its contractors, the U.S. Space Construction and Command Center (USSCCC, commonly known as “U-Suck”) subcontracted with Keefer Enterprises for all maintenance and repair as well as more than half the original construction of the complex.  The subcontract was issued on a no-bid basis despite strict congressional and executive prohibitions against such practices. “This is a horrifying example of precisely the kind of thing our open-bid laws were designed to prevent,” says former U.S. Senator Bradley Walpole, speaking in voice-over against images of collapsing tunnels and frantic scientists in the chaotic final scenes before the show was abruptly blacked out.