Ancient History
Grundoonland (pronounced “Grund’en”) was not always the pleasant, comfortable island it is today. Much of its more sordid background has been lost in the mists of time, but it is important to preserve what history we can, so we don’t become the very thing we escaped.
In the beginning, the great continents of the planet were far, far larger than they are now. Even with so much space, the land became so crowded with humans that great numbers of them were locked up in concrete and steel cages to make room for more people out in the streets and countryside. Why the species kept reproducing simply to fill these cages is one of the great mysteries of biology.
When they ran out of concrete and land to build more cages, the ancient Americans created the first floating prison off the coast of what used to be Virginia. Preserved in our national museum is electronic footage of the grand opening of America’s first floating prison colony. Among the curiosities in the film are performances by a now-extinct subspecies called Elvis Impersonators in a primitive cell block.
Because all records were lost in the climatic upheavals of the late 21st century, how this first floating prison functioned is unknown except as oral history. Legends tell us that the island was for male prisoners only, and was staffed by male employees. Supplies of food, clothing, fuel, and other goods were apparently provided from the mainland, with the inevitable corruption that such a system generates.