She is lovely, brilliant, reasonable, logical, and totally incorruptible, and has no past to cover up. She is immune to bribery or any financial inducements. She is beholden to no corporation or political machine. She has no racial identity, but shares features with all races. For all these reasons the American people overwhelmingly rejected both parties’ candidates and chose her for President.
No one asked, though, if she could play ball.
The world found out this afternoon, when President Wollemi took the mound for the Nationals in the opening game of the season, against the much-heralded Tokyo Roses. The President’s sizzling fastball belied all odds that she wouldn’t get the ball to the plate without at least one bounce: the pitch was an unqualified strike, smacking into catcher Egerton’s glove to the cheers of a standing-room-only crowd.
Her second pitch, a curve ball that seemed to shimmer tantalizingly before crossing the plate, was also a strike, as was her third. Nationals pitcher Hup Tarnley, standing by to pitch as scheduled, took off his cap and bowed, presenting the President with his glove and cap. Fans were treated to the first-ever perfect game in National Park as the President struck out the Roses with three pitches each, carrying the Nationals to a 4:0 victory.
Following the game the President returned Tarnley’s gear, graciously declining offers from Nationals manager Loren Gearheart to sign on for the season. “I apologize for the hasty departure, but I am late for a Senate briefing on agriculture,” she said before climbing into the waiting Presidential limousine.