What would a sexual revoltion look like (part one)?

We currently stand in the legacy of a half-formed sexual revolution of the 1960s. That was followed up by feminism, the Roe v. Wade decision of the Supreme Court, a massive conservative backlash that included Abstinence-only sexual indoctrination, and of course AIDS. There are plenty of places where the sex is flowing freely, but is it the kind of sex you want? And as for what you now have available: is that the sex you want?

Bourbon Street, New Orleans. Photo by Eric Francis.
Bourbon Street, New Orleans. Photo by Eric Francis.

I ask these questions because we are in the midst of a quickening of erotic energy — in part represented by a surge of eros associated with the Venus transit of the Sun, described by David Tresemer (his interview from UAC is re-posted in the audio link above).

Another astrological marker is the Uranus-Pluto square: we have come to a turning point in all things related to the 1960s and also the conservative backlash against them. One indication of this, in the sexual/relational sphere, is the crumbling of anti-gay laws and values. “Don’t ask, don’t tell” was repealed last year, and state after state is adopting marriage equity laws (this despite the others that are adopting marriage purity laws).

Yet that’s just a small sample of the revolution in consciousness being spurred by Uranus-Pluto. There are many other signs and there will be many more — which means opportunities to change, to grow and to participate personally. Today I put the question to Planet Waves readers who use Facebook: what would a sexual revolution look like? I was confident we would get some great answers, and we did. Here are some of them. I will hold off on sharing my own thoughts till tomorrow’s post, where we will continue the discussion.

Amanda Moreno wrote, “A breakdown of the myth of the soul mate, which would evolve from its current sado-masochistic form (I’m not complete without you! Who am I without someone else to validate me? If I don’t find my one true love, I have failed!) into a more healing myth that respects curiosity, multiple models for healthy relationships and sexuality, and a focus on becoming complete/reliant/worthy within one’s own right first (enter in: the importance of masturbation among other things), and then extending that out to engage with the multitude of soul mates that might appear — and maybe then disappear! — throughout one’s life, learning more about the body/soul/spirit through expansive sexuality. Or something.”

Rebecca Brown wrote, “I was part of that sexual revolution in the 60s, sitting topless and meditating by the Millstream in Woodstock. I’m not sure I would minimize its importance. However, true sexual revolution is like any type of evolution. It comes gradually with an opening of the lower chakras and accepting one’s sexual energy as being part of the total spiritual self and knowing what is right for yourself and allowing it to happen. I don’t think a sexual revolution would manifest as having everyone run around naked and engaging in orgies. Instead, there would be an inner peace about one’s sexuality, thus allowing others the same freedoms.”

New Orleans art gallery. Photo by Eric Francis.

Carrie wrote, “Tamping down religious rhetoric about sex would be a big part of any sexual revolution. Religions have been responsible for a lot of the sexual repression and dysfunction in the world. Acceptance of female agency in sex and female control over her sexuality for a start. Less (or no) focus on genetic progeniture; that would help eliminate the controls on female fertility. Acceptance of sexual desire in both genders and allowing for the free expression (within healthy parameters of consenting adults). Acceptance of the sexuality of minors (babies are sexual beings and will grow up to be sexual beings) and promoting healthy education for them so they can become sexually aware and caring adults.”

Heleen Hoogma wrote, “I hope a sexual revolution will have something to do with a change in the awareness of having power (of love) and passion and expression in whatever form one might choose to live it. I feel that power is a keyword in this (I don’t know why though).”

Candidly Lizzy wrote, “A sexual revolution this time around would be one which eliminated boundaries (gender, orientation, race and age). It would be one in which the pairings of others … in all their varieties would go as unrecognized as a spaceship driving down Lexington Ave. Target would begin selling toys designed by Missoni, Mizrahi and Jonathan Adler. Perhaps even a special Dodson Collection at Macy’s. Marriages would be held together by emotional (and spiritual) contract, not a legal piece of paper. People will be together with upfront (discussed) understandings as to whether they they are exclusive, periodic, sex-only … and they will make a point of knowing what they want rather than that being an after-the-fact consideration.”

Jennifer Hillman wrote, “I feel that myth is breaking down in the reality of the changing aspects of relationships these days. Most of the men I know… don’t want to be “tied down” to one person and feel the expression of the human sexuality is more along the line of “love the one you’re with” attitude. Perhaps this is the begin of the sexual revolution.”

Chenoa Johnston wrote, “A sexual revolution would look like a blasted open sensual and loving world! No sexual abuse in existence! Prostitution considered normal! The science of pleasure taught to the young at an early age! the elimination of shame and guilty sexual desire! Self-responsibility and accountability.”

Continued tomorrow.

54 thoughts on “What would a sexual revoltion look like (part one)?”

  1. “push prize????” for real?? UGH!

    maria — in short, totally agree with what you have to say here.

  2. “the women waiting for men to do EVERYTHING, give them EVERYTHING, is still weirdly dominant out there in default world. for instance, i had people ask me after i had my 10 pound 6 oz baby: “wow, what kind of push prize did he give you? he should have gotten you a BIG diamond!” ”

    Maria,

    You are so good at writing how things are. This website; while it must be taken with a grain of salt, says it so well:

    http://www.happierabroad.com/Research.htm#_Toc322220381

    “Too many women in America have an off the chart sense of entitlement, and seem to think that they deserve the best of the best in everything, as if they were some kind of royalty. No man likes that. It’s unfeminine and unsweet. And it puts unrealistic demands and expectations on the men. Add to this the fact that Hollywood brainwashes young women that they deserve rich and handsome young husbands with big cars and great careers and houses.

    American women want someone who looks a certain way, and who has certain “social skills” such as dancing or clever conversation, someone who is interesting and exciting and seductive. Now go to any international dating site and look at what the girls say they want. It’s pretty simple, really. Over and over they state that they are happy to settle down FOREVER with a man who is willing to try to hold down a steady job and be a loving and understanding husband and father. Fact is, more often than not, this will get you NOWHERE with most American women! Many men opt for Women Overseas because most women would accept you for who you are, not what you do or what you make.

    With many American women, if the men don’t fit a rigid and unrealistic criteria or she doesn’t feel the man can take care of her enough, then she will drop him like a hot potato, regardless of his character or commitment to the relationship.”

    I am not trying to pick on just American women but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…..

    Call me old fashioned too because I don’t feel entitled like that.

  4. Amanda! So I can have ice cream for desert tonight??? 🙂 …all good no worries. Just messin’…

    Sam, another great selection!

    Maria, thank you so much for joining in. I really really liked what you wrote.

  5. my ears pricked up (hee hee). i think calling for the end of marriage as “we” know it isn’t the same as calling for worldwide polyamory. it’s more a renegotiation of contracts and a recognition that these have to be built on equal rights for all (one, two, three, etc.).

    have to say tho that if you were a bird on my shoulder this past month you wouldn’t say being poly lets me evade struggles with self or seeking compromise. i love compromise (libra) and the tragedy of our always seeking something more as humans vs beauty of acceptance is what i write about most. (sounds a lot less interesting when it’s not pimped out with my attempts at poetic language, tho.)

    it may sound submissive or old-fashioned, but i learned a long time ago that when you stop looking for “perfect man” you have a lot more fun. women who focus on what they’ve been taught matters–income, car, big pecs, social ease (in men, social ease is so often expressed in bro-viation anyway–i’d so rather have a man who’s slow to speak than one who speaks in sitcom lines)–miss out big time. BIG time. bring your own income, car, strengths…take the bus…walk…bring something to the table instead of waiting for the hunter to bring it all home, and you have a better time. probably a surprise to this audience, but the women waiting for men to do EVERYTHING, give them EVERYTHING, is still weirdly dominant out there in default world. for instance, i had people ask me after i had my 10 pound 6 oz baby: “wow, what kind of push prize did he give you? he should have gotten you a BIG diamond!”

    yes, there is something out there called a “push prize” and women are led to expect it.

    the only person who deserves a prize on that is the doctor who managed a c-section without leaving me scarred or infected. and i’d rather have a big orgasm, a big afternoon on the couch or out running, a big conversation, or a big insight than a big diamond.

    anyway: sexual revolution to me means everyone has a degree of health security that allows them the freedom to explore as they see fit. we’re in trouble sexually because our bodies are illing and burdened. pollutants that cause obesity and other diseases have made it hard for us to even breathe or get our blood circulating. you can’t enjoy sex if you can’t breathe and have bad circulation. if you can’t enjoy it, you won’t see the value in it, and nothing changes. you have to want it.

  6. And there’s this

    Oct 01, 2001

    Capricorn – Monthly

    What is a strong man? I think our modern minds still struggle with the division between male strength as sexual prowess, physical stature and the capacity for violence, and male strength as an expression of flexibility, honesty and vulnerability. Few have come forward and acknowledged how difficult it is for men to play both sides of this game, particularly without the cooperation of women and, more notably, without the support of one another. In terms of how women can be supportive, one way is feeling they have a real role in the lives of men who do not require them to be their mommy. Men seem to understand that if they stand on their own, many of their female partners are out of a job. It would seem that the corresponding lesson for women is rising to the very equality they say they want, meeting men not as territory to conquer or be conquered, not as a parent, but rather eye-to-eye as their fellow humans. Culturally, we are still a long way from home, but individually, I see many of us taking long steps on this particular theme this particular month.

  7. My sexual revolution: A woman with hairy armpits and legs, full eyebrows, big bushy twat and society recognizes her as gorgeous and sexy. Authentic and natural beauty. An end to self-torture.

  9. no HS, you silly dear!

    first, you were *not* slammed by anyone (i’m talking about my action, not trying to tell you how you felt) — i was trying to understand! second, i had forgotten i was logged in as “pw admin” when i wrote my comment, and i *thought* i’d deleted it while it was in moderation & redid it under my own login name, but just saw that it somehow ended up published here anyway.

    p.s. carrie — “pw admin” is just a way to post comments we get via email without my profile picture posting with them……

    goodnight, all… please send happy, clear-sky sunny thoughts to the northeast for tuesday: they’re predicting rain all week and my brilliant last-minute plan to visit a friend in NM at the last minute to see the venus transit seems to have been foiled by $900 airfares. *sigh. 🙁

  11. my proposed revolution is fired by masturbation.

    radical embrace of self and witness of self, in a conscious community. we dive right into the hot lava of self esteem and what that would really mean, emotionally – which is trusting existence. seen and seeing one another as radically equal in our self-expression –

    we decide, together, to jettison guilt and shame, open our eyes and see the love that we are.

  12. gee, I got slammed by PW Admin AND Amanda! Detention for HS! but…..but…… ugh….

  13. Hey Amanda,
    Thanks for straightening me out! I think what I was trying to say – albeit clumsily – was that I can’t see myself exploring a poly relationship just because there might be a potential surge in unconventional relationships in the future. It’s a huge umbrella you’re right. It pushed a button (not Fe, but the convo) because I’m struggling to find honest and available women who aren’t on some trip to find the perfect dude. I am def Mr Igno on polyamory, but I just find 1 potential partner complicated enough for me. And then if we stay with the idea of 2 persons in a relationship, if it becomes unconventional, does that mean that we lose the desire to compromise and even to look at ourselves first as potential causes for relationship problems? Does this make our future relationships superficial because we lose the desire to go deep into them, to discover true intimacy, to let a part of ourselves blend a bit with the person to whom we love and have worked with through joy and pain? What is sex then? If we lose our foundational values in it, it runs the risk of being disconnected moments in our lives that only serve our momentary thrills and endorphin rushes. Because I want to wake up the next day and genuinely want to be beside the one I have trusted myself to – not “entrusted”.

    When I think about sexual revolution, the first thing that comes to mind is actually not sex. Its about my evolution as an energetic Being. This feels more like a path of true honesty, and that forces me to do my own work first. If I am to be a responsible individual Man that has learned to take care of his own shit, I extend that to other areas of my life. That means I should be more present with people in these areas as well. I should be socially responsible, considerate, fair, aware, and generous without too many demands. This will filter down into my deepest parts too where I can contribute to true intimacy. That is my job. Sexual revolution is breaking out of imposing confines to become my truest person. Sex is a vehicle to take this deeper, to make it more profound, to give it depth and dimension.

    So I apologize if I jumped up and down, or seemed like it. I like everyone here. I guess I’m quietly yelling inside because I know it’s possible – I just haven’t seen it yet.

    Respectfully,
    HS

  14. sam & bkoehler: brilliant contributions to the topic, both. and SubGothius and Alexander, too — all parts of the puzzle.

  15. HS — i’ve not kept up with this conversation, but just noticed your response to Fe about marriage a few comments down. i don’t think Fe is saying *anything* about polyamory whatsoever — she said “unconventional relationships,” which can apply equally to what you’re describing, as well as to poly, as well as to many other things i haven’t even conceived of. it’s a big umbrella!

    i’m also not sure what you mean about poly people criticizing you for not wanting to marry. plenty of poly people don’t marry their partners and don’t want to (that would be polygamy anyway, which is still illegal).

    🙂

    just curious how you made the leap there. or were you confusing Fe with Maria Padhila? even then, i doubt maria would respond the way you imagine….
    just thought i’d try to parse that out a little!

  20. Yup, completely your fault, HS. Or maybe it’s mine . . . Maybe I’m working under the covers so he’ll never suspect a thing. 😀

  22. Asteroid Narcissus is conjunct the Galactic Center. We of the human race know that we are smitten by our own image (inner and outer, projected or not) and see no harm in that. The Galactic Center is the Source for greater understanding and increased consciousness, so I’ll go out on a limb here and predict that, based on today’s astrology of love and chaos and revolution and disillusion, that we humans will learn to love (Eros, what turns me on, or Philos, I really care about you but. . , or Agape, everything I have is yours, and vice-versa). . .
    * even those beings who don’t look like us;
    * by finding new and greater ways to utilize the energy devoted now to the exploration of the flesh;
    * the feeling of balance without a sense of lack or need, through companionship.

    But then, I’m almost 73 and have an Aquarian Moon.
    be

  24. Hugging! I just loved the ***** Count’s yiddisher song! Will you marry me? (just kidding!) And really enjoyed the Animal and Beaker clips too. Thanks Katie! It’s about all my brain can cope with right now. Bring ’em on!

  25. Jun 23, 2009

    CAPRICORN – Monthly

    Others are willing to give, to share, even to make sacrifices for you: as long as you are willing to be influenced by them. That influence may be profound. Yet in order to offer you any gifts, blessings, favors or a sense of authentic contact, bear in mind that they too must open up and be vulnerable as well. We could say that the planets this month and indeed the rest of the year portend a mutual opening, a desire to connect and the ability to create a common language. The communication factor is paramount now, and that involves developing the willingness, and the ability, to communicate about the most taboo topics. These have a tendency to be self-concealing; our lack of comfort and familiarity with them usually makes for short conversations, when long ones are called for. We also think we know a lot more than we do. Most women will tell you that most men have little interest in going down this kind of introspective path, and to the extent that this is true it’s going to take all of us to create space for the conversations that need to happen. At the bottom of this is a radical reformation of your values system that is eventually going to affect all aspects of your life. But the foundation is this: If you want to cultivate true self-esteem, start with how you feel and what you believe about your sexuality. Question everything.

  26. HS and stormi: Both Muppet clips were so great. I laughed so hard. Thank you both! So many great memories watching The Muppets as a kid. (Well, I don’t remember the Count being so vulgar, but who knows? I might have blocked it out. 😉 ) As for Bugs, well, we all know what he and all of his lil’ devils are really about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bGvv2VUP_8

    As for the comedy provided, well, this sums it up, doesn’t it? http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi0yYmFjODUyODIzMDQ1N2Fk

  27. oy, HugS, as someone with an “eat me” postcard in her kitchen (strategically next to the vitamin/food/veggie chart of course), you’re right, could be a ruse! depends on how the devil and rabbit define anger/deep affection/love/eating?

  28. good one Stormi! Now in this example, I think the Tasmanian devil is really in love with Bugs, but like all Scorpio’s, he feels too much and becomes too bottled up and afraid of his own power, struggling to articulate himself properly, and so people see him as angry. His whole “I want to eat you” is a ruse for his deep affection and love…….I think. Maybe I’m projecting.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ed0Hg7stjHE

  32. SubGothius: Your assessment is a cogent one and it delineates well. Of course, it has far less to do with sex and far more to do with relationships. The grey areas you speak of are entirely explicable in terms of that difference. We might ask why there is so much indecisiveness. As you intimate, it is because people are trying to second guess, or become mind readers. That is all about the social contract. Sexual liberty, on the other hand, would be simultaneously an honesty liberty – honesty with oneself primarily. It is always possible that disillusionment may lead to a projection of personal frustrations onto the debating parameters. It is a different issue looking at the psychology of ‘pulling women’ than putting your sexual truth out into a public arena.. although there are certainly connections between the two. For some unhappy men, the laments would end if they pulled the perfect chick and it progressed well. There would be no further talk of sexual revolutions. On a cultural level, rather than your appeal to the interpersonal, it needs to be that a broader shift takes place.. one that will change the sexual climate.. and that can’t be down solely to individual’s transactions. There has to be a paradigm shift. We require the energetic activities that are capable of mobilizing groups against their normative conditioning. If you wish to look at the broader “pulling women” issue can I recommend a youtube search for David DeAngelo and Dr Paul “Deep Inner Game” – a great resource to mine.

  33. I applaud and echo Rebecca Brown…sexual revolution means:
    “…inner peace about one’s sexuality, thus allowing others the same freedoms.”

    For me, reaching sexual freedom must include addressing the fact that bullying and abuse exist within the LGBT/non-religious world, as well as the straight/religious world.

    Along this revolutionary path, I think opening up to poly alternatives is critical as well…*especially* with our long lives and over-population.

    It would be so nice to finally have LGBT/straight/questioning/mono/poly lifestyles peacefully co-existing.

  34. A lot of the comments here have been in the conceptual realm, about how a sexual re-revolution would ideally reconceptualize sexuality and relationships, and while that’s certainly an aspect of the process, it doesn’t address the brass-tacks issue of how this would play out in our actual decisions and actions — i.e., it’s one thing to imagine the new sexual utopia we’d want, if we could wave a magic wand and instantly change human nature and society in one swell foop, but quite another to propose what changes in our own, individual behavior might actually help get us from here to there, or at least towards a better state of affairs.

    I’m more interested in what practical steps individuals could take to realize a new sexual paradigm. For one example, speaking as a man, I’d sure like to see more women taking greater agency in actively selecting and approaching prospective partners. Maybe it’s just the places I’ve lived, but in my experience, women rarely approach men at all; we’re still largely trapped in the outdated paradigm that women must only ever passively accept or reject the offers that come their way, without making any overt advances of their own, and this tends to select for a certain type of aggressive, imposing partner while tending to exclude others who may have more considerate, cooperative qualities. I’ve previously expanded this point in other comments on Facebook, so perhaps I should just repost those earlier remarks here:

    As Dan Savage wrote in a recent column, to a female reader wondering if a particular guy might be interested in her:

    [A] lot of guys … have been led to believe that hitting on girls who aren’t in bars or on personals websites is tantamount to sexual harassment. Because, you see, for the last 20 years … guys have been told that it’s not nice to hit on girls at work, on the bus, at the gym, or in class. Girls are still getting hit on at work, on the bus, at the gym, and in class, of course, *just not by nice guys*. The guys who [still] approach girls at work, on the bus, etc. are, for the most part … assholes.

    I.e., the guys who actually get and take to heart the “don’t be too aggressive” message aren’t the rude, imposing jerks that message is primarily inspired by and directed at; instead, it’s picked up loud and clear by the guys who already have care and concern for women, who actually listen to what they’re saying and try to respect that.

    The result is that the guys left still making unbidden approaches to women in public are increasingly only the jerks, lending a skewed impression that’s just how “most” guys are (rather than merely most guys they actually encounter); meanwhile, the guys with empathy and a conscience are left keeping their distance, waiting for any overt signal of receptiveness before they’d deign to intrude on a female stranger’s personal space (cf. “Schrödinger’s Rapist”), signals which never appear or are too mixed to read one way or the other.

    Another side effect of this is that guys who are adept at reading others’ nonverbal cues (affective empathy) but have no empathic conscience (i.e. sociopaths) wind up having far more success at meeting women than guys who have an empathic conscience but aren’t so good at intuiting others’ attitudes (i.e. geeks/nerds), again leading to a skewed impression that “most” guys are manipulative, selfish users.

    As I’ve put it, picking only from the approaches you get doesn’t show you the full range available to you; just because you’ve been letting jerks choose you doesn’t mean jerks are all that’s out there for you to choose. Any guy who’d rebuff a gal for approaching him has instantly demonstrated she’d be wasting her time on him. Savage’s advice to his reader was to just simply approach the guy she was wondering about and tell him she’d love to hang out sometime, and see what he says.

  36. Wait…some of us “like” marriage and what it entails. That doesn’t mean I believe marriage should be the norm. It should be an option but not the only socially sanctioned option.

    Until a resolution regarding the genetics of offspring and who raises them is solved, women will always know who their babies are and men will always fear contributing their time, energy, and resources to another man’s genes. Before everyone jumps on me about that being too simple, think about it and see that it IS an issue for many or we would not be having female fertility controlled in almost every culture world wide. From puberty until menopause women’s fertility is controlled in the service of males who want to know they are the father of their offspring.

    Males may want to control the fertility of women but the back side of that is that they then have to contend with the elevation of women as property to be guarded and controlled. In doing that, fewer females are available for casual sex (because of the social pressures for women against casual sex) and males are then frustrated. So the very thing that may give males the assurance that their females only bear their genetic offspring also makes females a premium and unavailable for casual sex. Males have to underdstand that they cannot have it both ways. This issue is why sexually open women are portrayed in society as socially unacceptable “sluts” and “whores.”

    I also think the fact that females are far pickier about who they mate with is a factor in why males get less sex than they often want to have. Until that is dealt with (either by making it socially acceptable for more females to be available or making relationships open for both sexes so either can get more sex outide the “primary” child-rearing relationship; assuming they have it that way, or by making sure that every child is provided for no matter who the parents are) this will also be a driving factor for the objectifying of women, the controlling of women and the scarcity of women for sex. Better birth control and options also help with that along with attitudes that make women’s sexuality a good thing. Making the health and well being of every child a priority for ALL of society (male and female, child-bearing or not) will also make females less choosy (regarding choosing powerful and financially stable males) because the fear for their children’s well-being would be removed. Instead, women could focus on choosing mates (when they want to bear children) who are healthy. There are far more healthy males than wealthy and powerful ones. Please keep in mind, this does not assume all females want to bear offspring; they don’t but that whole issue drives the scarcity and women-as-property thing and as such it affects ALL women (even those who have no interest in bearing children) because of the social restraints on women’s sexuality.

    Women want the autonomy to bear offspring without the fear of being unprotected and lacking resources for them and their offspring if their gestation/raising them becomes a health issue.
    I know that this is a subconscious reason for women desiring the more financially stable males (along with the idea that money makes people powerful and powerful males are more likely to be able to provide the best for her offspring). If every child was guaranteed care for their health and well being from society (instead of placing the burden on only the parents) then women would not have that fear.

    So many factors would affect a sexual revolution; factors which at first may not seem tied to sex but in reality do affect sexuality in profound ways.

    Disclaimer: I am not an expert on these issues nor do I know if everything I have written here is “the facts” TM. I am just throwing things out there based on things I have read. Your experience/knowledge may vary.

  37. Fe, for friendly debating purposes please, I for one don’t think I’ll get married. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want a relationship and a sacred commitment. Many poly people will challenge me top to bottom I’m sure, but there are people like me for whom this doesn’t work. Maybe I’m jumping the gun on what you’re trying to say. I don’t ever want to own a woman’s vagina. I don’t want to be owned either, and I agree about healing on these points. But if I am in love with a woman, my desire for her is completely my own. I hope her response will be mutual, at least for as along as we are energetically responsive to one another. But to consider a poly aspect just because there is a collective stirring doesn’t make it right for me and I do not wish to explore that expression.

  38. Heads up:

    First Circuit Court of Appeals has determined DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) is unconstitutional.

    http://www.ca1.uscourts.gov/cgi-bin/getopn.pl?OPINION=10-2204P.01A

    I see the sexual revolution being the end of marriage as we know it. As said in comments below mine — what constitutes true partnership? It also means that if and when women get a handle that we’ve been marketed as property for millennia and we throw off that shackle, we will see an even sharper rise in “unconventional” relationships.

    Not an overnight thing. I see this like a great big tree, rotted out from the inside, falling steadily over the decades, inch by inch, until it completely crumbles to the ground. God is dead. Marriage is over. My vagina is not your property. This is my body.

  39. Thanks Eric! I’m not on FB anymore so I appreciate the inclusion of discussion here. Personally I am on a great journey that is just starting to open up. I have little to draw from….or maybe I undervalue my experience. I really liked Amanda Moreno’s comment though. Right now the most important thing for me (not to be self absorbed, but rather use my self as an experiential reference point) is to be open to many possibilities that arise out of being honest with myself. I want to feel relaxed with someone. I’m learning what that’s about too and where old bad patterning have left their marks. I’m also learning about what type of man I am and how I energetically respond to a woman intimately. I am in a deep transformation of my ideas regarding my sexuality as it becomes more available for expression. That involves a basic and positive deep rooted feeling of self love as an individual. A sexual revolution (as can be associated with the current astrology) is really an energetic revolution, shift, and release. We must still fundamentally operate from a place that is line with our true voice, but be open to new ways of conceptualizing how we share energy – and that definitely means sexual. I hope to meet someone who is on this journey too, or is at least open to being on it with herself and with me.

    Just my two cents…
    HS

  40. To me the revolution happens not in sexuality itself (because people are always going to push sexual boundaries no matter what the moral climate dictates), but in the abuse of power that’s masqueraded as sex for far too long in this strangely perverted/puritanical culture we are collectively trying to swim our way out of.

    In the Uranus/Pluto square I see the healthy dissolution of the ABUSE OF POWER –

    The abuse of power by patriarchal societies that deem women whores and property, who can have their genitals mutilated by committee as it were, and then go on to mutilate their own daughters.
    The abuse of power by priests who molest children, whether in orphanages or schools or churches, and whose victims will then go on to sexually abuse their own children through generations, unable to break the cycle due to the closeted nature of religious hierarchy.
    The abuse of power by bosses who demand sexual favors, whether in Hollywood to snag a part, or in corporations to get promoted, thereby keeping out people more qualified for the position, but unwilling to sell themselves to get ahead .
    The abuse of power by teachers who mentor troubled youth, only to gain their trust and molest them.

    The list is endless, and sexual freedom is but one part of it IMHO. Most importantly, we will wake up to the fact that we are sovereign human beings, with the sole right to determine our power and sexuality, and our power in sexuality.

    We no longer need to be shaped by external cultural, patriarchal, moral, or spiritual expectations. We are not children anymore, needing a parent – we are adults who can make our own decisions. And we will no longer exploit the powerlessness of children – because we are adults, not frightened children pretending to be grown-ups.

  41. Hi Lula 🙂 Of course, the person posing the question has their own specific angles and motivations. The respondents have similarly unique, yet diverse, vantage points. We are straight away here into the heart of hermeneutics. The process of discussion itself brings some clarity/standardisation. So it is important to note that subjectivities are not a concern as such. They will be what they will be. Still, it is important to try hard to procure focus from the outset by the mechanisms of clarity. We should work hard to be clear if we wish to optimise the discussion. Lack of clarity is precisely why many great ideas fail and the exact reason I invoked personality types. Most debate and social action doesn’t factor such in and so energy is lost and action never surfaces. It’s not about right/wrong or even precise/imprecise so much as deploying collective strengths. An army having a love-in is the kind of mixed metaphor that results.. not exactly conducive to a revolution unless that revolution is AGAINST said off guard, army!

  42. For me this transit of Venus is directly plugged into our Sexual Revolution 2.0. It seems to be about “permission to love”; I’ve been having this discussion with both astrologically-inclined and non-astro friends. Permission to love the self must come before we can healthfully and fully love the other. We’re working on the inner marriage now, digging into that shadow material, and simultaneously rebuilding concepts of “marriage” in our conscious, collective space. (Marriage equality, etc.) Before this can all fully emerge and merge, women must be given back their property rights to their own bodies. We must occupy them, and occupy pleasure. All marginalized people must, thus giving permission to the traditional “property owners” in our culture — white, Christian men — to stop hoarding their privilege. Once we reoccupy this space, give ourselves permission to love ourselves (despite airbrushed images on the sides of buses and other things that hold us back from being whole) they are freed from being our masters. And then we can all move into the space where there is no ownership, where the concept of “property” begins to be an abstraction, and love rules. Occupy Wall Street is making this happen in the economic and social space. Also, the deification of the Mother in our culture is not about loving the goddess or Gaia right now, it’s about keeping women bound to their wombs as their only source of agency, of taking up space in the world. That’s why I’m loving (and writing about) the ecosexual revolution, which I feel is directly tied into the rest of the sexual revolution we’re beginning to experience now.

  43. sam — there were a couple comments from men on the FB pages for eric & PW, but i guess they didn’t make the final cut. you can still check them out there, thought.

    and: hi!
    🙂

  44. Alex – few people possess your ability to evaluate and articulate. Therefore, collecting human thought will always be fraught with subjective response, and I’m not sure that it’s healthy to try and make it not be what it is. Sex is an emotive issue for many people, and we’re not going to get to a ‘rational’ discourse about it unless we accommodate those emotions rather than sublimate them (which is precisely why we’re in the position of needing a revolution!).

    Huffy, and Eric – Yes! The ‘balancing’ mechanism does need to be looked at. But you can’t strip it of its paranoia until that paranoia is owned and seen. We can only proceed as fast as the slowest person, but sometimes we can support them to go a little faster 🙂

  46. meant REALLY off topic, Alex. Though I guess we can consider the next “AIDS” that ruins the progress we have yet to make, without really considering the implications of that statement (merely a prediction). I will, however, respond to that point — because stripped of the paranoia, it’s central to the discussion.

  47. Well…
    What have we become collectively, and how do we collectively take responsibility for where we are at as a nation on basic human nature? Although religion has certainly established a means for dysfunction, and although I can sit here and blame the media for their images portrayed or messages sent…how do we put our thought into action rather than keeping our seats warm on the discussion panel? I have three generations under my roof at the moment…all of us at different levels of awareness sexually. I find myself taking any opportunity I can to communicate healthy sexual attitudes and to encourage healing through honesty. Recently, I got into the conversation with my oldest daughter about orgasms…which led to a trip to the sex toy store on the outskirts of town (yes…thats right…city ordinance I do believe…we put our paperbags over our heads with cutout for eyes(just kidding) and purchased her first vibrator. I encourage actively engaging in conversation about our basic human need…Co-workers, person Im sitting next to on the bus, my sisters, the person ahead of me in an extremely slow moving line at the checkout counter…the taxi driver(who responded…my aching balls!). Well…I do believe that Eric stated in one of his posts…that when feeling that shame that leads to inability to communicate…let it fucking burn, also to quote my nursing instructor when I was giving my first injection and hesitated…Patricia(she said sternly) YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT!

    Honestly yours,

    Patricia

  48. Please forgive my INTP inner architect here but ‘off topic’ themes are always prevalent with such broad issues. Sexuality is a relational and cultural phenomenon. Most folk, operating largely on a gut level, will fail to parse both the words and the intent, strictly accurately. A relational and cultural, as well political and gender revolution are attendant to the core concept of a sexual revolution, for reasons that are immediately obvious. But they aren’t the same thing in essence. We need to distil the essence in view carefully, in order to stay on topic. Most folk are not INTPs, however! Not only this, but ‘What something would look like’ can be interpreted literally as in ‘describe the contours of what would be presenting to view’ where really, the action part of the piece ‘what kind of things would need to be happening’, is the heart of any response we can build momentum with.

    Isolating ‘sex’ for a moment… what kinds of action would be required and by whom, within which modalities, to generate the types of influence that could hope to reach critical mass.. and precipitate (r)evolution?

    It is inevitable that people will go on detours that may be interesting and tangentially relevant but that do not drive the issue forward productively. Unfortunately, this is the bane of organising productive human thought. We are so used to reflecting and discussing and expressing our opinions that we have lost touch with the mechanics of bringing about effective change via the route of the necessary clarity.

    The core question is really one of how individuals can challenge their surrounding values and impact them for change. It is risky and there are many internal and external barriers/constraints. Clearly, on the level of language, even speaking openly about sex has been morphed into vulgarity in any sort of ‘polite’ company. There is something here about how we start a conversation going. But it is really much more about individuals developing the skills of testing the surrounding temperature effectively and discerning the optimum strategies for making impact. Is that discussion/debating fora primarily, or is it something we should be seeking to develop within the aware as a method of transacting with significant others and even new contacts.

    I suspect it will all boil down to courage in the end. Mark that word ‘courage’. Sometimes there is no strategy or game plan stronger than people being strong enough to step up to the plate and articulate their truth about their unique desires.

    It doesn’t matter what the cross section of contributors looks like on a distribution curve; it doesn’t really matter who goes off topic. It matters that we do our best to keep the whole thing on topic, with every tool in our box. Let’s edify one another richly and bring all our unique perspectives to the piece, along with the humility to remain pliable, in the face of any challenge!

  49. I noticed three (on topic ones) that came in late — after the compilation was done by one of our editors — Alex, David and Brad. This is a two part series, so there is time. Still, three comments is not a lot, though I will include them in tonight’s post. Curious what other men have to say and you can include your comments here.

  50. I vote for the style of the ancient Greeks. Men had their boys, women bonded with women, the body was revered as a thing of beauty, publicly and culturally displayed without guilt or shame.

    Revolution or going full circle?

  52. Eric, looking back at the original call for responses, it looks like loads of men commented, and had interesting things to say. Why did you not include them? And why does a topic like AIDS get sidelined? Surely the pendulum swing the other way needs addressing in any post about any kind of revolution.

  53. We had one somewhat cynical reply from a man about AIDS that was not quite in line with the theme of the piece. Alex De Witte also commented but it was after the piece was finished and edited, and I plan to include his thoughts tonight. Anybody else out there, Big Daddy?

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