The Politics of Love: ‘Fighting’ Fairly

Yesterday Eric mentioned the concept of “the politics of love.” It’s a primary theme for a number of reasons this week, including a Scorpio Full Moon and partial eclipse on Thursday; the Scorpio/Taurus axis and several planets currently along it are getting our attention with issues of value(s), sex and possessiveness. Today, the Moon ingresses Libra; when it does, it may trigger an awareness of what it means to ‘fight fairly’ in love (clue: it involves finding a way to replace ‘fight’ in that phrase).

Libra is the sign of relationships and balance; the Moon represents our emotional body. The Moon in Libra tends to want to please others and wants to encounter pleasing things. It strives for a sense of equilibrium and equanimity.

But tonight, the Libra Moon will oppose Uranus in Aries and square Pluto in Capricorn (exact 8:37 and 11:23 pm EDT, respectively) — as happens every month when the Moon ingresses Libra, for as long as Uranus and Pluto are doing their ‘square dance’. This is uncomfortable for the Moon, and therefore might be for us.

The Moon opposite Uranus tends to be strong-willed, emotionally unpredictable and potentially rebellious. The Moon square Pluto can have a kind of “lone wolf” feel (as described by Isabel Hickey), or a less intentional sense of isolation. One thing I see in this setup is the potential for emotional reactions in relationships to get a little headstrong or erratic. For some, this might just feel like relationship ‘spice’, giving them a chance to assert themselves in their individuality. For others, there may be a temptation to storm off and close themselves off to a partner.

Ideally, we realize quickly that fighting or storming off doesn’t get us anywhere and just burns up energy that could be put to more creative use. Yes, sometimes we need to give ourselves a ‘time out’ and do some deep breathing. Sometimes we need to let someone do their own thing — whether it be yoga, going for a long run, thinking silently or shouting at the sea — before they are in a place where true discussion can occur.

Chances are, we’ve all been on each side of that equation. But what happens when someone feels powerless in a relationship? What is your recourse when you don’t feel heard, or you don’t feel like there is room for all of you in a relationship?

When there’s not a real method of shared decision-making in play, people respond in weird ways to their own sensation of being powerless. The sudden, volcanic outburst is one possibility. Isolating oneself in some manner is another. Neither of these options makes true conversation, power sharing or decision-making very easy.

Actual negotiation is made up of equal parts honest stating of needs and desires, and listening with empathy. When a relationship genuinely comes to an impasse, those involved have a difficult (but ultimately freeing, and potentially growth-encouraging) decision to make. Most of the time, owning our desires and needs and really working to understand those of a partner is more likely to set us on a path of actual relating — as opposed to reacting, pretending or daddy/mommy-pleasing.

The daddy/mommy-pleasing dynamic is not one of true partnership; it’s a hallmark of a relationship where power is concentrated in an authority figure. Given the broader cultural conversation right now regarding the show of force in Boston and the public reaction to it, it’s worth keeping the role of government as ‘Big Daddy’ in mind. Approval of governmental/institutional power in action is not necessarily wrong or out of place. But as the Full Moon builds, it’s a theme to watch closely.

Meanwhile, later tonight, Mercury in Aries (which has been a bit of a trouble maker since it entered that fire sign) makes a sextile to Jupiter in Gemini to give us a hand. Exact at about 11:24 pm EDT, this is a harmonious, easeful aspect — but it does ask us to do our part. In terms of ‘the politics of love’, Mercury and Jupiter are offering some perspective on whatever has us hot and bothered — along with a little grease (understanding) to smooth out communication.

If you can avoid blame and judgment and listen with an open heart, you’ll be more likely to hear the opportunities for healing and collaboration. Venus in Taurus and Pluto in Cap (yes, the same Pluto) are conspiring to help you feel empathy, see the goodness in others, create a loving space, and find a little emotional self-sufficiency amidst any turmoil.

When you feel heard in all of who you are, you can offer true relational space to someone else — rather than pushing or cutting yourself out of the picture so that they feel like there’s room for them (or cutting them down to make room for you). And the other person is better able to do the same in return.