Today is Thursday, Jan. 5, 2012.. The waxing Moon enters Gemini at 5:44 am EST. This is a much more mental sign for the Moon than is Cancer, which is where the Moon will be for its full phase on Monday. Today and tomorrow this may mitigate some of the overflowing emotions that can come with a Moon nearing full – but don’t be surprised if you find yourself actually talking about what is going on for you. A lot.
And what could be going on for you is that today and tomorrow you find yourself in a state of constantly trying to relate and adjust to relationship partners of the opposite sex, without ever quite finding a balance that feels right. Mars in Virgo is forming a quincunx with Venus in Aquarius – and Venus is conjunct Nessus.
A quincunx is that somewhat prickly aspect that’s one sign off from being an opposition. So it carries a similar sort of tension: the source feels like it’s located outside of yourself (between you and another). The way to work with both oppositions and quincunxes is to negotiate first with one side, and then the other. The uncomfortable thing about a quincunx, however, is that you’re never quite able to settle the issue in the same way you can with an opposition. The compulsion to keep trying is still strong, however.
In the case of this particular one, Mars in Virgo provides a strong drive to work and serve energetically, but also a certain level of fussiness over details. Venus, for its part, can be a little aloof in Aquarius – especially in terms of one-on-one intimate relationships.
This may mean there’s the potential for negotiations to be more like a mix of exacting demands on the one side and disinterested acquiescence on the other. That apparent lack of investment could be just as maddening as counter-demands would be in most cases, and could passively fuel any conflict. The thing to remember is that, even if this particular set of negotiations is destined to dissolve as the planets move rather than resolve, basic negotiating protocol is still to be followed. This means keep this objective in sight: everyone gets their bases covered. The idea is not to go for ‘all or nothing’.
Now, what about Nessus? There are a couple ways (at least) to read its presence in this aspect. On the more personal level, this could speak to cycles of detrimental acquiescence on the part of the passive feminine, especially in the face of assertive perfectionism. On the other hand, Venus conjunct Nessus in Aquarius has a strong sense of the use of sexual attraction as a weapon — especially by women. In Aquarius, this is an active, perpetuating social pattern — and one that needs to stop, if we’re ever to have healthy relationships. Pay attention to this potential your interactions and relational negotiations, whether you’re a woman or just dealing with one. This kind of behavior is so ingrained culturally, it tends to fly below our radar. It’s time to see it for what it is when we’re doing it, and use Venus-Nessus as an opportunity heal cycles of abuse, no matter how subtle they are.
On the collective level, since this is Aquarius we’re talking about, Nessus brings to mind the field of Republican presidential candidates as they begin the 2012 primary season. Nessus can indicate potentially inappropriate sexual contact and cycles of abuse; it also comes with the key phrase, ‘the buck stops here’. These candidates are taking some disturbing – potentially abusive — positions when it comes to issues of sex, sexuality and women’s health. Some of them may have some interesting skeletons in the closet along these lines, too. The ‘buck’ may have stopped to some degree for Michele Bachmann, the only female candidate (and the one whose husband runs a clinic to help gay men ‘reform’). She ended her campaign after Tuesday’s caucus in Iowa (interestingly, Nessus can also come with a sense of alienation — and here is Venus, closing in on a conjunction to it). The ‘boys’, however, are continuing their demands and promises.
As you go about your negotiations today (whether externally or internally – remember, oppositions and quincunxes place the apparent source of tension outside of ourselves), bear in mind that Mercury is still homing in on the Galactic Center in late Sagittarius. This can inflame beliefs, so review yesterday’s Daily Astrology if you need a refresher on how to “stop, drop and Google” as you negotiate. No matter how much today’s Gemini Moon may intellectualize emotions, the Moon will be in Cancer soon enough, and you can expect everyone’s sensitivity to heighten accordingly. That may go better if you’ve stayed even-keeled today and tomorrow.
Looking for insights on how this week’s astrology affects your personal Sun and rising signs? Try out Planet Waves Light, our streamlined horoscope service. For deeper cultural context and astrological investigation, the premium Planet Waves subscription includes the same horoscopes, plus extensively-researched articles on Fridays.
“I think many of us, at one point or another, even without “realizing” it, have used another’s desire for sex to get our way with something else.”
“I have never done this.”
I am with you, Sam. I have never done this either. I was too busy saying what I wanted and getting it (and doing it) to be bothered with playing games. If I flirted it was because I truly wanted that guy at that time and then engaged with him with no recriminations or rejection. If I didn’t want a guy I didn’t flirt with him. It was that simple. I have never liked the idea of playing games with people’s feelings.
I remember a friend I once had who told me that she always toyed with her husband and her lover as well. I hated hearing about it but she insisted that that was the way it has to be. I remember resolving inside myself that I would rather have no one at all than to treat any man like that. It was so one-sided, cruel, and condescending. I knew I wouldn’t want to be treated that way so how could I do the same to another? That wasn’t the mutual, sharing relationship I wanted.
R. Joseph wrote a book about the right and left brain and it had a passage about such games. One example he cited dealt with how people’s right and left brains act out in certain social and sexual situations. For example, a woman has a left-brain self-image; she believes she is a decent woman (meaning not promiscuous) because society tells her that being promiscuous is bad. Yet her right brain has desire; she wants to have sex. To get around this discrepancy and keep her self-image intact, she will subconsciously flirt with a guy she finds attractive, get herself drunk (thus loosening her inhibition) go home with him and have sex.
The next morning, she will awaken and, with her left-brain firmly back in control, she will accuse him of getting her drunk and “taking advantage” of her. The guy is completely confused and angry at this point because she got herself drunk. He tells her “you wanted it, you know you did.” She feels all indignant and blames him. This scenario works very well for her because this way, her left-brain impression of herself as a non-promiscuous woman can remain intact (by blaming him) while her right-brain desire to have sex was satisfied. It is win-win for her but it leaves the guy always in the wrong and wondering how that could be.
After reading this book, I saw this kind of subconscious work-around happening all the time in my own life and in the lives of others around me. The scene on the rapo game can be looked at using the same frame. The woman wants to bolster her self image as being a sexually desirable woman (left-brain idea of herself) so she deliberately flirts with a man she has no intention of having any relations with and then turns on him when he responds (right brain actions). This is win-win for her; she gets the attention and validation of her sexuality while maintaining her standards (of which men she will actually go out with). Her self-image is intact.
The problem is; the intention may not be altogether conscious. The women I watched really didn’t think about what they were doing or that it had to do with their desire for sexual validation; they just played the game. They also didn’t think of how it affected the men they interacted with; they said afterward that men are all sexist and going after any woman they can. This is how they justified treating all men as personal validation puppets. All that mattered was keeping their left-brain self-image intact. Pointing the inner workings out to them didn’t work because doing that only made them angry; it undermined their self-image. They refused to see the game because to admit to it would mean admitting to a reality about themselves that they were not ready to accept and they believed was socially unacceptable.
Our society is a huge factor in this; we are all taught a lot of bullshit by the media, our parents, religion, and other people. No one ever thinks to question the messages society is giving so no one stops the game. People live such unconscious lives all the time; it is really pervasive.
Thank you for the clarification, Amanda and Eric. Yes, that makes sense.
I read “The Games People Play” several years ago and loved it. It was chastening at the time to see that I fell quite squarely into the “Why Don’t You, Yes But” game play.
“I think many of us, at one point or another, even without “realizing” it, have used another’s desire for sex to get our way with something else.”
I have never done this.
got it — thanks for the clarification. i skimmed, but missed the “antithesis” at the end. i’ll check it out again.
Not at all — Rapo is an intentional game, not associated with casual, friendly flirtation. It is specifically a trap. Friendly flirtation is just that — an expression of affection. Check out Berne’s “antithesis” at the end.
This is such a good book.
so my question about the games described at that link is: surely not all social-gathering flirtation falls into the category of ‘negative game’, does it? i mean, is it not possible that both a man and a woman can enjoy flirtation without feeling like they’re being taken for a ride or being dishonest? that it can be a form of validation, healthy sexual exchange, acknowledgement of attraction without necessarily being about pulling the rug out from under the other?
Here is an example of a Venus-Nessus in Aquarius dynamic — to the tee.
This is from Games People Play by Eric Berne.
http://www.ericberne.com/games/games_people_play_rapo.htm
hey sarah —
as in, women playing the “withhold” game with sex, for example. it’s using the power one has as a sexually attractive being — indeed, emphasizing that — to fuel wanting in another when you already know you won’t say yes, or when you do want sex too, but instead of entering into honest sharing, use the dynamic to “get” something in return.
it’s sort of psychological warfare, but it’s subtle and pretty much taught to girls. i’m not saying many men don’t have their own games and abusive behaviors around sex. but my understanding of eric’s suggestion about Venus-Nessus is this kind of socially-practiced disconnect, where women (and now fairly young girls) are taught to make themselves as sexually desirable as possible, then act “pure” and shame men for wanting them.
i think many of us, at one point or another, even without “realizing” it, have used another’s desire for sex to get our way with something else. that’s not negotiating and it’s not intimacy — it’s just game playing. and both sides suffer for it.
Photo is absolutely breathtaking. Such delicate swirls in the thin ice. Much gratitude for the portraying the creative beauty of nature in winter.
JannKinz
“quincunx is that somewhat prickly aspect that’s one sign off from being an opposition. So it carries a similar sort of tension: the source feels like it’s located outside of yourself …”
“…your negotiations today (whether externally or internally – remember, oppositions and quincunxes place the apparent source of tension outside of ourselves)…”
Cue the schizophrenic 800 lb chattering grasshopper (who lives on my right shoulder): “You need to get “that” done with all of the details correct.” (Exacting demands, assertive perfectionism) Response: “Whatever.” (Disinterested acquiescence, detrimental acquiescence.
So, is this a reflection of those quincunxes (quincunces?) wobbling in my chart: Mercury to Uranus, Moon to Ceres, Jupiter to Asc, Chiron to MC, and Nessus to Mercury, Venus and Saturn? Harrumph. All those quincunx symbols look like a “playground” of teeter-totters gone mad in a hurricane wind.
Whatever indeed. Thanks, Amanda, for now I see why so much seems to be just a half a bubble off on the level (one sign away from opposition). Much to balance.
JannKinz
Lovely photo, Amanda. Really like the patterns in this one. Thx. xo
ah! the quincunx! now I better understand why (with 150 degrees in my natal chart seeming to be a primary number – such as Uranus on the AC to Sun (damn those yods?)), in so many – painfully many- areas of life I feel like I am living a life that is made up solely of beating my head against the proverbial wall.
@#%^! quincunx! hehheh. sigh. and with natal Venus at 00 aquarius this little fish could use a bit of Gulf Stream current to go along with the ride (sans oil-spill and irradiated water).
Ah! I say again! — good ol’ Merc transiting GC on natal Saturn! – and transiting Nessus on natal Merc! Is this yet another astro P-A-R-T-Y???
I reside, currently, in a massive blind-spot. Oh for PW, at least I’ve a clue.
xo
How or when would you view sexual attraction as being a weapon? Can you give an example so we can contextualise it?
please note: after getting a chance to talk to eric (who is making great headway on the annual, btw!), i have amended the paragraph about Venus conjunct Nessus in Aquarius to account better for the active nature of Aquarius, vs the receptive nature of venus:
“On the other hand, Venus conjunct Nessus in Aquarius has a strong sense of the use of sexual attraction as a weapon — especially by women. In Aquarius, this is an active, perpetuating social pattern — and one that needs to stop, if we’re ever to have healthy relationships. Pay attention to this potential your interactions and relational negotiations, whether you’re a woman or just dealing with one. This kind of behavior is so ingrained culturally, it tends to fly below our radar. It’s time to see it for what it is when we’re doing it, and use Venus-Nessus as an opportunity heal cycles of abuse, no matter how subtle they are.”
Cannot tell you how many quincunxes aspects I have with others, and within my own chart. I love your focus on negotiations — keeping objective in focus — rather than my old standby mars in aries self that wanted all or nothing.
Good stuff here … that’s my idea for the next PW banner 🙂
thank you Amanda!
mary
Thank you, Amanda- I can’t tell you enough how much you and everyone here is appreciated.
Wow. This is one of those PW daily blogs that SO EXACtLY describes my personal circumstances, it is uncanny!!! Thank you yet again for following the line-up with thoughtful suggestions on how to behave mindfully so as to not act out and create wreckage. Thank you for doing what you do, PW!!!
Much love.
Amanda,
Thank you for the astonishing photograph. The way you capture the intricacies of difficult subject matter is something to behold. Like all accomplished artists, you make it look easy.
Thank you for keeping us mindful of the spirit incorporated into the protocol of negotiation and not to give it short shrift. Negotiation is like good nutrition – we must practice it daily as a lifestyle, not just after we get sick. Thank you also for revealing the abusive root underlying the efforts to legislate morality and choice.