The centaur planet Nessus and the asteroid Ceres, which played integral roles in Tuesday’s Full Moon, are keeping our focus. Today it’s Mercury that is entering the opposition aspect, by conjoining Ceres in Leo (exact at about 10:46 am EDT) — just hours before the Sun’s ingress of Virgo at 7:02 pm EDT. Along with the immediate questions about ‘what’s in our industrially produced food?’ suggested by a Nessus-Ceres opposition, Mercury is also bringing to mind our modern attitudes toward ‘caretaking’.
First, a little extra info on Ceres. Most of us are familiar with her themes of protective motherhood, mother-daughter relationships, the seasons and agriculture from her roots in the Demeter/Persephone myth.
Apparently, however, Ceres was in charge of much more in Roman mythology and society.
The oldest Roman goddess, she seems to have come out of the transition from hunter/gatherer societies to agrarian life. Ceres ‘supervised’ a group of 17 other gods and goddesses, and was involved with fecundity in all forms (grain, reproduction), initiation rituals, rituals after returning to society after some form of absence or exile, working-class people of all sorts (plebes), upper class women and political propaganda.
Ceres is old and complex, though in Leo there is a particular affinity with both the harvest themes (in the northern hemisphere, Leo is the height of summer) and the idea of ‘taking care of’ (Leo is concerned with the good of humanity, the heart and the life-giving/life-sustaining Sun).
We often speak of Nessus in terms of its overtones of sexual abuse patterns, but the idea of ‘abuse’ can be broadened in this case. A commenter going by “mimik” mentioned the following about Nessus under the Full Moon blog post:
“The Greeks understood hubris to be a breach of natural law, humans messing with the natural order of things, that put a curse on future generations until a descendant came along and discovered the original ancestral breach, named it, and cured it.
“As a centaur, Nessus in this lunation feels very much like an energy calling our attention to natural laws and human laws (the centaur half-animal/half-man quality), and the deeply abusive generational patterns of the patriarchal and industrial age vis-a-vis nature.”
In terms of our food supply in this age of corporate agri-business, that idea of collective hubris perverting natural laws rings true. Nessus used his own blood, poisoned by the arrow that killed him for his transgressions, in a final act of dishonesty and revenge. At no time in history have humans lived with so many poisons in our water and food supplies. We have no idea what is in most of what we eat.
Nessus seems to represent a similar agent of perversion when it comes to the idea of ‘taking care of’. ‘Caretaking’ has become a dirty word, referring to a dysfunctional, co-dependent style of relationship: you deny your own needs while enabling the narcissistic or infantile habits of others. Many people have taken to distinguishing ‘caretaking’ from ‘caregiving’, which is a healthy way of caring and relating.
In dysfunctional caretaking, the idea and act of ‘taking care’ has become a weapon of control and self-martyrdom. And like many bad habits, it’s often one passed through the generations. Daughters are especially likely to have learned it from their mothers (keeping with the Ceres theme), though people of either gender may perpetuate it.
Now here we are on the verge of the Sun’s ingress of Virgo: the sign of the goddess and service to the world. Perfect timing for Mercury’s reminder of the difference between ‘caretaking’ and ‘caregiving’, so that we can choose consciously which pattern to engage in. The world needs your creative energy — not your baggage.
Amazing how timely this information is for me. Going through control issues with my 15 year old daughter. Working on being care giver not care taker….it’s a hard cycle to shift but I know it is the work I am here to do. She keeps away and I pathetically want to “mother” her. my need not hers. I also enable her bad behavior by cleaning up her messes: wanting everything to be alright. so much baggage to off load! Thank you for the insights.
Amanda: I think my use of ‘taking care of’ is a shorthand for ‘taking responsibility for the care of’ in a spectrum with ‘stewardship’, ‘nurturing’, ‘tending’, or at its most fundamental ‘giving time, space and attention’ (and ‘giving care to’ sounds really odd to my ear). For me, it’s not helpful to take the idea of ‘a caretaker’ and associate it or equate it with co-dependency. I think that any relationship, whether it’s focussed around some form of caretaking/caregiving or not, has a potential to manifest aspects of co-dependency, depending on the power relations and awareness of the parties involved and a whole range of other factors. I am more comfortable with approaching the subject with the idea that there is a continuum of relating that is more so or less so functional or dysfunctional, rather than starting with the premise that there is anything intrinsically wrong with ‘caretaking’. It is a wonderful word in my book. I’m also wary of the idea that as women in the current social set-up we still are given a social role of giving to others before giving to ourselves and just the use of ‘caregiving’ reminds me of this.
The time certainly seems ripe for goddess-ideas, goddess-energy, and maybe some new (or very old) goddess-words to inspire us.
Thank you, once again, for a thought-provoking piece.
nilou
“caretaking” vs “caregiving” is certainly a matter of semantics on one level, but the point is that there are dysfunctional relationship patterns that often get overlooked and perpetuated under the assumption that all kinds of “helping” are healthy and actually helpful, but which are actually a function of misplaced feelings of guilt.
those behaviors and dynamics need a name; when we name things, we can see them for what they are and empower ourselves to make healthy choices.
i certainly did not invent “caretaking” to mean what it has come to mean in many counseling contexts; it has evolved so that we can give a name to a destructive pattern and choose instead forms of helping and caring for others, ourselves and the entire planet that are actually about fostering health and growth and sustainability and awareness… choices that have true integrity in the act of helping and serving.
nilou — based on what you wrote, i do not think we disagree. 🙂 your short piece makes perfect sense.
Thank you, Amanda, for a distinctive and distinguished analysis that builds upon the Full Moon to provoke the the thoughtful comments we have already seen here today.
Seems to me it is the total lack of caretaking that has ruined the planet and a lot of people. Look at the letter under the door to the woman with an autistic child demanding she euthanize him so he won’t bother the neighbors! People are no different than corporations, making demands that are ugly and evil. Distinguishing between caretaking and caregiving is just splitting hairs, isn’t it? We are all responsible and yes we are the corporations too, buying into every flea bit of science and technology as if. What if it turns out all the honeybees really died because the beekeepers were too lazy to take care of the hives?
Thank you nilou, well said./be
This is good to know Amanda, the differences between being a caretaker and caregiver having been unknown to me until I read your linked article. It would seem that almost all hospital nurses would fall under the caretaker heading in my experience!
Grateful though to mimik’s and your own linking of Nessus to hubris which is remarkably brilliant in its timing since at the full moon at 28+ Aquarius, the asteroid Hybris (hubris and hybrid) was at 28+ Leo and conjunct the Sun. I can see the manifestation of this in both the Syrian nerve gas attack as well as Monsanto’s grain seed alteration. Looking back at the summer solstice (6/21) Hybris at 29+ Cancer was conjunct Ceres at 29+ Cancer and they were quincunx (adjustment) Nessus at 28 Aquarius rx, who was about to conjunct the U.S. Moon again.
Moving forward gives us the hopeful picture in the fall equinox (9/22) of Hybris at 12+ Virgo conjunct Ceres at 11+ Virgo as they sextile Venus at 13+ Scorpio (and Saturn 9+ Scorpio, and north node 8+ Scorpio) in a yod with Uranus at the apex at 10+ Aries. This might provide a surprising “breakthrough” on both the Syrian front and the Monsanto front. Many thanks for that catch to you and mimak Amanda! (As an added bonus, Asclepius (healer) will be at 11+ Libra in the fall equinox to form a boomerang pattern and a specific focus of all that energy.)
be
Amanda, what a brilliant and necessary clarification of caretaking and caregiving. I preach against self-martyrdom, which I learned from generations of female ancestors. In keeping with Ceres and mother thoughts, I am reading Breasts by Florence Williams. Breasts in all mammalian species and genders are the canaries in the coal mine, and breasts and milk are riddled with environmental toxins.
Thank you, Amanda, for opening the idea that there are many ways of interpreting what ‘care’ means in relating. Whilst I do not agree with all that you have written, I am appreciative of the opportunity it provides for us to consider how meanings are made, and the role of language in how we co-create our realities. How we ‘take care’ in the world has been something I have considered over a period of years, so I will share some of my thoughts with you.
nilou
Taking care of ourselves and each other
To the open human heart injustice is ugly, bitter and it offends, and conversely to the open heart justice has a beauty that provides a point of balance in an ever changing and uncertain world. I say open heart because we don’t need to look far to see that many people seem very comfortable witnessing and perpetuating all kinds of injustices great and small, near and far. How is it that we, in our various collectivities, tolerate so much that is unjust, unfair and causes pain and hardship to others?
My belief is that as individuals we have come to a crisis of faith in ourselves, the forces ‘out there’ seem to have so much power and we fear them; but I would suggest that it is our fear that maintains their power. In the face of what offends us, rather than stand tall and speak up, so often we avert our eyes and turn our heads to the ground.
I have to the good fortune to be the mother of three fine young men. And it is from their presence in my life that I have learned what it means to take care of ourselves and each other. By taking care I don’t mean helping ourselves to anything and everything that comes close to our grasp and at any cost: no. We take care of ourselves and each other by understanding what it is we need in order to thrive. And in this self-care, and nurturance and care of others, we evolve into a state some might call love or grace, but even calling it the simple state of kindness prevents us from walking about indifferent and unfeeling.
So we support, encourage, guide, learn with, and grow with, so that it becomes our natural state to care; and we live without fearing the capacity to create that is in within each and every one of us; and we choose to create the very best we are able.
27 March 2013