It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.
— Calvin, in Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson
Today is Tuesday, Nov. 1, 2011. The Moon begins in Capricorn and moves into Aquarius at 6:08 pm EDT. An Aquarius Moon is famous for its desire to bring groups together, for wanting feelings to make sense, and for the ability to detach from emotionally intense situations before they become destructive — a good skill to have lately.
Tonight is also the night between the worlds — in various calendars (including Pagan) Oct. 31 is the last day of the old year and Nov. 1 is the first day of the new year. If the psychic veils are said to be thin this time of year, this night out of time is one of the moments of transparency. This has old tradition behind it, and it’s part of why there is so much attention paid to ghosts in these days.
Yet the ‘thin veil’ metaphor has other connotations, including a kind of inner transparency between the veils of one’s mind. Those are the real obstacles to perception, I would say. In Monday’s Daily Astrology, we brought up the theme of denial inherent in the squares of Venus and Mercury to Neptune and Mars’ opposition to Neptune.
Actually denial is inherent in Neptune itself, and the three personal planets mentioned provide the subject matter. This, we could sum up as emotional, sexual, related to change, and on the theme of death (themes that include Mercury and Venus in Scorpio, and Mars in Leo — all aspecting Neptune at the same time). Yet these three planets carry much of what we experience from day to day: our senses, what we feel, what we know, what we want, who we love, and how we feel about ourselves. If we include Neptune in the mix, there can be a lot of confusion or idealism; sometimes confusion as a result of the world, or our relationships, not working out quite as we were expecting.
Sex and death, however, are the things we’re typically in the most denial about. Our research truffle-sniffers went out this morning and came back with some quotes on the subject of denial. After reading them, there was one funny thing missing — so few of them were directly associated with either of these topics.
Denial is not a passive process. It looks passive, in the same way that a talented con man looks honest. Pretending not to know something that you know, or pretending that something does not affect you, takes a lot of energy. In the spirit of thin veils and new beginnings, here are some thoughts on denial.
“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we’re afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we’ll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.” — Richard Bach, author of Illusions and Jonathan Livingston Seagull
“Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.” — Ambrose Bierce
“How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.” — Frank Herbert
“Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind.” — Rigoberta Menchú Tum, Guatemalan social reformer, Nobel Peace Prize laureate
“I felt I was drawing close to that age, that place in life, where you realize one day what you’d told yourself was a Zen detachment turns out to be naked fear. You’d had one serious love relationship in your life and it had ended in tragedy, and the tragedy had broken something inside you. But instead of trying to repair the broken place, or at least really stop and look at it, you skated and joked. You had friends, you were a decent citizen. You hurt no one. And your life was somehow just about half of what it could be. — Roland Merullo, A Little Love Story: A Novel
“Dreams of innocence are just that; they usually depend on a denial of reality that can be its own form of hubris.”
— Michael Pollan, The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals
“Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.” — Bill Hicks, comedian
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@marymack – and you another M Squared, the pleasure is mine!
I thought so much about this blog post and then today’s as well…
It makes so much sense, if “our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” (Marianne Williamson), then OF COURSE the main use of denial is to is to veil our inner truth. (Planet Waves Daily Astrology 11/02/11).
Living our authentic lives makes us powerful beyond measure, which scares the crap out of most of us, so we use denial to veil the self-knowledge which would lead to an authentic life for each of us…
I found that throughout the day I was searching out blindspots of my own and tripped over a number of experiences that I had minimized/trivialized in an effort to simply move on to the good stuff that awaits me (a la Abraham). So interesting and perfect that you all are ahead of me here discussing Abraham and pulling apart what might be considered the “tricky” stuff.
With so much Neptune in my life of late (close to Sun/Merc/Asc in Aq) I find I just go with the flow and believe I’ll come to understanding when the time’s right.
Denying denail?
mm.
ps: hey cousin Martha… nice to meet another mckee!
“I guess I question the idea that there are “outside influences” separate from self. Or that there is a “self” separate from outside influences. To stay with the theme, I think these are ideas we use to keep ourselves in denial about what we really are. We know the truth, but we ‘forget.’ ”
My point is, the Abraham ideology sounds suspiciously like the all too prevalent belief that we all “make our own destiny.” That belief paradigm is destructive in the extreme to those who have not had much success getting what they want in life. That ideology indirectly blames the less fortunate for their lack of fortune. We have had enough of that already and the Occupy movement is about that “blame the poor for being poor” lie that is perpetrated on the less fortunate by those who have had good fortune through no real effort of their own.
That was what I was getting at.
” So in the beginning, these fantasies feel a little inappropriate, because it’s like you’re fooling yourself. Sometimes people will say, ‘Well, isn’t this just denial?’ And we say, ‘We hope so!’ We hope that you are denying the absence that you do not want. And we hope that you are embracing the presence of what you do. But somehow the idea of denial has become a dirty word to you; like it is virtuous to face the reality of the horror of your own lives. ”
Liked this Abraham quote. Really resonates with me. Thanks, BC
Great topic, with lots to think about, as usual, PW
……through children’s eyes……..that we should all have such vision…….
Carrie,
You could be right! I admit I’m not sure. But I guess I question the idea that there are “outside influences” separate from self. Or that there is a “self” separate from outside influences. To stay with the theme, I think these are ideas we use to keep ourselves in denial about what we really are. We know the truth, but we “forget.”
As for getting what one wants not always being what’s best for one, I don’t think Abraham cares what’s “best”; that isn’t the point. What’s “best” is a moving target.
Abraham’s stuff IS tricky because it implies that the only thing standing in the way of anyone being happy all the time is their own selves. That totally discounts the whole world of outside influences, including 7 billion people, many of them greedy, uncaring, or unconscious of their impact on others as they advance themselves.
The Abraham mantra is good but flawed. Yes, you must be open to the good things but you must also be aware that if those good things don’t come, it isn’t always because you weren’t open enough; sometimes you aren’t supposed to have that good thing in order to grow as a person. I see the ideology of having good things because you are open to that much like a toddler’s view of the world; they want and they expect to get what they want all the time. The older and more mature you get, the more you realize that getting everything you want isn’t always what is best for you.
Sometimes denial is a tool that buys us time; time to get ready to face that which we are denying. Most people are not aware of all this stuff. For those who are, denial is not always a bad thing; it can be but it can also be that thing which makes you wait until the appropriate time (or level of awareness) when you can deal with what is behind the denial.
Here’s a quote from Abraham, and I wonder what you all think of it. For those not familiar with the material, by “fantasies” Abraham is referring to conscious use of the “Law of Attraction” to receive into your life the things that you want. (Importantly, not simply material things, but states of mind. And I think Abraham understands there is no real difference between the two, recognizing that all — mind and body — is of the same interconnected material, the various forms of which are, from a cosmic perspective, empty & transient.)
“You’ve trained yourself to face reality. You’ve trained yourself to tell the truth. You’ve trained yourself to tell it like it is. So in the beginning, these fantasies feel a little inappropriate, because it’s like you’re fooling yourself. Sometimes people will say, ‘Well, isn’t this just denial?’ And we say, ‘We hope so!’ We hope that you are denying the absence that you do not want. And we hope that you are embracing the presence of what you do. But somehow the idea of denial has become a dirty word to you; like it is virtuous to face the reality of the horror of your own lives. And we would be ignoring anything that did not please us. We would get our eyes on what feels good.”
The key difference for me is that the above quote is talking about a conscious, as opposed to unconscious, use of denial. And denial is probably a misnomer. Denial implies a reaction against a condition, a suppression or repression. Whereas Abraham is speaking of choosing not to react to the condition at all, but to disengage from the battle and direct one’s attention elsewhere, to a consciously envisioned alternative.
I’m bringing up this quote not to be provocative, but to point out that “truth” and “denial” are two sides of the same coin, both of which we have a hand in constructing or at least allowing. Just as we can unconsciously practice denial of reality, we can also unconsciously practice construction of reality, and then assume a victim mentality. (In this case “truth” becomes another form of denial, a denial of our full consciousness.) There is nothing “wrong” with this, but I believe this is how we perpetuate our karma, but individually and collectively.
Abraham is tricky material — deceptively so. I believe it is a lot more advanced than it appears to be. It is marketed as a kind of spiritual capitalism with the apparent aim of complete control and fulfillment via acquisition, but I think most people who approach it that way will find themselves defeating themselves at every pass. It seems to me Abraham all but requires a kind of ego-death, but they don’t tell you that up front.
To be clear, I love this post and agree with everything in it, I’m just attempting to raise a subtle point about the ways in which what we call denial and truth masquerade as each other in a kind of karma-generating dance. Neptune assists us in “letting go” of that cycle, and embracing a greater vision.
I also hope I’m not sounding as if I think navigating this stuff is easy! 🙂
As ever, PW comes through with the information and insight I need to help me process thoughts that have been floating around in my mind. Just the other day, Tara Wagner (The Organic Sister Blog) wrote this:
“Yes, I coach women to overcome their fears and struggled to overcome my own. Dude, we can’t see our own blind spots. That’s why they’re called blind spots.”
And it really got me thinking about what is in my own blind spots, even if, at times, I am able to help others bring things into focus..
Of course a blind spot is an area of denial. “There are none so blind as those who will not see” and all that. (Quote from traditional usage of the bible’s Jer. 5:21)
Thanks PW for the astrological context as I mull it all over!
Beautiful photo, just beautiful.
“Denial is not a passive process. It looks passive, in the same way that a talented con man looks honest. ” — I would offer this – that it is not “talent” that makes the con man nor does talent support the denial maker, but rather it is “practice”.
And so if we were to begin each day with the Practice of Sniffing Out the Truth (along with those truffles), perhaps the con of our own denial would go out with the morning tide.
xo
yes, sarah — being able to see the outdoors through the reflection of the french doors in this child’s eye blew me away. even without the metaphorical suggestions.
🙂
A breathtakingly beautiful photo, Eric.
Thanks Amelie — I am happy you found this helpful. it’s a big topic, maybe one of the most significant we face in the United States and Europe.
Many people helped with this column, including the readers who sent in the quotes (there are more, I may do part two tonight) and Amanda who co-writes and co-edits with me. And — there are new writers coming on board as we speak! You will be hearing from some of them soon.
Hi Eric,
Excellent article on an issue we all tend not to want to think about or accept as part of who we are. It has made me look at issues I am dealing with which in part do involve this denial question. How much do we refuse to look at more closely to gain greater clarity, and to assist us in making better choices? Thank you, Kind Regards, Amelie 🙂