Dear Friend and Reader:
When a sex scandal story breaks, that’s usually an opportunity to forget we’re all the same. I don’t necessarily mean we all cheat (though the majority of people have, or do). The real issue is whether we can talk about sex in public. For example, I think that most people feel that the real issue is that Edwards presented himself as the pristine example of integrity, just like the receptionist in your office who may spend her weekends at s/m clubs.
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Just how exactly would a Senator Edwards go about admitting he was something other than a “pure” family man? Would he go on C-Span and give the famous pussy sniffing speech? Would he have his wife and mistress on Oprah and air out the whole conversation?
Would you? If you’re wondering how difficult it might be for a political figure to admit his or her sexual reality, consider doing so yourself. Go out to your favorite bar or restaurant with your friends, and start disclosing the content of your sexual relationship, your sexual secrets, your deepest fantasies. For good measure, keep a couple of digital recorders and a television camera rolling, and make peace with the fact that you’re going to see yourself on CNN for the next three days explaining who you had sex with, when and why.
Part of the reason a sex scandal is possible is the presumption of monogamy. I admit that there are some monogamous people, but I don’t know many. Of those who are monogamous, most of the ones I know would much rather have the opportunity to experiment.
One reader commented below about our collective shadow material. I would say that it begins with the denial of the honest desire we feel, and all we have not told the people with whom we claim to be intimate.
As one of those few that are monogamous and loving it without the games and power trips or secret desires, I have to say that the idea that John Edwards may have had an affair is not that big a deal to me. To me, his affair is between him, the other woman, his wife and whatever God he may or may not believe in. Unless I actually witnessed him having sex with the other woman, I would not have ever mentioned it. The question about it should never have been asked….why is it that we Americans seem to need to get into everyone else’s sex lives? Maybe because so many are disatisfied with their own sex lives?
I agree with John Dunne, if you want to play the field, don’t make the promises or vows, period. And for heaven’s sake, if you have kids, don’t mess THEM up by lying and cheating on those promises or vows! All the talk of free love, polyamoury and such is fine…if you have no kids. Having kids means you cannot drag them with you as you adopt a cavalier attitude about sex and relationships because they get messed up when you do that.
Lets let our elected officials alone about their sex lives and stop asking them about that. We don’t NEED to know that private stuff. We really DON’T. I would much rather ask them about their voting record or how they plan to get us out of this economic and war mess. Who cares how they get their sexual needs met as long as they aren’t doing illegal sex stuff or harming children or indulging in child porn or molesting kids or animals. If they are getting more or better sex than I am, so what. Maybe they will be more relaxed and less uptight and better able to do the job we voted them in for if they are getting their sexual needs met. Why doesn’t anyone ever think of that?
I don’t think we’ll ever know the real timeline of Edwards’ dalliance with his videographer but I suspect (and i could be wrong), that a lot of this has to do with his reaction to his wife’s cancer.
I’ve seen a myriad of people react to a loved one’s diagnosis of cancer from taking up with a brand new love interest (to reinforce life) all the way to smoking even more furiously than before (wanting to go down with the ship).
If that is the case, then perhaps that is what the American public on a subconscious level is disappointed with in Edwards. If the going gets tough, and that’s how he resolves to tackle the heavy issues in his life, then how will he handle a crisis that hits the nation?
Then again, his home life could be a mess and he can be a crackerjack leader, but America always prefers a pristine Father Figure…..
Hey Gardiner For a guru’s slant on the F word find Osho on the net It is the one with him in a silvery white hat and robe
Personally I cannot be bothered with more than one lover I am also picky and unlikely to find 2 I like at the same time And there are a hell of a lot of other things I like doing
Eric is comparatively young and does not have any children and can live like that but it is not compatible with family life esp if you are plugged into the overworking and mortgage trip
It is hard enough to find time to clean your toe nails then let alone find more things to do
Big Love I wonder what Eric thinks of that show It is a very eco unfriendly way to live They could at least all live in one big house and save on electricity and gas bills……………
“Now one of them is a mild-mannered pol from North Carolina. Big deal. Most everyone else gets “away” with it, which somehow may be the вЂ?ghost’ in the machine.”
But most everyone else did not run for president of the United States at a critical time in world history.
You bring up a good point, though, which is that we all lie. No matter how much we like to pretend otherwise … big lies, small lies, everything in between. I’m wondering how much this plays into our collective and individual Neptunian dilemma of reality vs. delusion/illusion.
John Dunne, I’d say you’re dead-on, except for the fact that there are about 5 people stuffed into the meatpuppet that each of us appears to be. When I marry people (and apparently I do that now), one of the most critical questions is: okay, you’re best friends today, but we also have two big liars in the room (well, three, counting the Officiator). So, how many lies do you plan to tell, and when you do –because, trust me, you will– can we set up a sliding scale of consequences?
The only people who don’t lie about sex and money are under the age of five, or are too rich and sweet-natured to care (Warren Buffet, for example).
I know, I know, as you say, just do it. Or don’t. But people have been telling me secrets for 35 years (dunno, I just have the face for it), and 95% of the straightest arrows are having 98% of the ‘illicit’ fun.
Now one of them is a mild-mannered pol from North Carolina. Big deal. Most everyone else gets “away” with it, which somehow may be the ‘ghost’ in the machine.
You talk about people who “would rather have the opportunity to experiment.” Everyone has this opportunity and can exercise it their entire lives, if they like. There is free will. More specifically, everyone can enjoy this opportunity while remaining honest and it’s as easy as… not getting married. Deceit and betrayal enter the picture only when one chooses to say to someone, I will be faithful to you, and then isn’t.
It’s really very, very simple. If you want to experiment, don’t make a life promise to someone that you won’t.
I sort of wish the F word could be removed from our collective vocabularies. We use it as an offensive expletive nearly 100 percent of the time – and why not? For unmarried carnal knowlege – criminal activity. lots and lots of shadow material with that lowly word. Try substituting the word LOVE next time you want to say, ‘oh f—‘, and see how you feel about the situation. Does it change your exasperation to a smile? Last week I read about a Japanese scientist who wrote a book about writing words on an icy surface like glass. He studied the crystals that formed around the words and the results were simply astounding. When he wrote words like ‘love’ and ‘forgiveness’, the ice crystals that formed around the words were perfectly formed 6 pointed crystals, like perfect snowflakes. When he wrote words like “hate”, the crystals were malformed and imperfect. God is everywhere. Chi is everywhere, Love is everywhere. St. Paul instructs us that there is no greater commandment than “Love thy neighbor as thyself”.
I’ve been experiementing with deliberately thinking of loving words when I start to become …..well you know – opposite happy. All the words that were lost from childhood. It seems like the recovery of a feeling that was lost. I wish others would try it and see if it works. Just saying the words seems to have the desired effect for me.
Well anyway, Everyone Loves – and especially everyone loves John Edwards, or should.