Editor’s Note: This piece was sent in during the Thanksgiving holiday and got lost in the shuffle, but the message is still relevant to the season. We’ll be running articles by Calvin periodically. — Amanda
By Calvin Hutcheon
It is a sad state of affairs when a family looks forward to the Thanksgiving holiday not for the conversation, or the act of preparing a feast, but for mere consumptions, be they the glutinous devouring of the turkey, the ravenous watching of a metaphorical turkey being tossed, or the unapologetic greed of Black Friday. There is little time for each other, when there are all these convenient distractions.
Football games offer a go between, a way to bond with the TV mediating. Many memories are created, as the game encapsulates the ups, downs, struggles and triumphs that create any real relationship, but these are mere surrogates for the real thing. Living vicariously has become expected, as it lets us go through the emotions without discomfort.
Products and familiar rituals offer further comfort, but the comfort of family has lost much of its charm, like the clothes or the bed dressing we posses. Once they were hand stitched and made with effort and commitment, now they are store bought and judged merely on their fashionableness and price; it is the same with memories and relationships.
Often times the mentality is, “if I buy this, the recipient will remember me fondly.” This is the mindset that drives extravagant sweet sixteen parties and kids expecting cars. Relationships are crafted out of small moments compiled and compounded. They are not formed by big, clumsy, grandiose gestures, but by the opposite.
Though these small moments of relating do happen, often they are interrupted and don’t have time to mature. The culprit: cell phones and other forms of instant distraction. Conversations are interrupted by calls and the thought process is derailed by superfluous electronic noises in the environment — this insidious presence is everywhere.
I had been hoping to enjoy a lovely hike in the foothills of the Appalachians the other day. It was a splendid walk, up rolling hills covered by gnarled trees that were somewhere between sinister and beautiful. The fall light cast shadows like reaching fingers over the illumined carpet of golden red leaves. As I reached the top I was greeted with a magnificent view of distant blue mountains, somehow the same color as the sky, yet distinct and crisp. My admiration was sadly interrupted as a group of young women, just about my age, sat down right next to me and shared their tepid and shallow phone conversations.
This was at the top of a mountain, may I remind you, on a stunning cloudless day and these people of my generation were glued to their devices. Sure, they thought it was pretty, but they experienced it through an electronic eye, photographing and discussing the merits of the updated iPhone with its panoramic shot feature.
Is this the way we experience now? Is this how we interact with friends and family, describing our lives, but taking ourselves out of the picture through the convenience of recorded memories? Things that cannot be put into film, such as emotions or atmosphere, are discarded so only the superficial is left. This has become what traditions and stories are based on and this precarious base is sorely lacking in feelings and substance.
No wonder conservatives are up in arms about family values. I agree, in one respect, that we are losing the importance and meaningfulness of relationships but the culprits, in my opinion, are not gays or abortionists; they are, much of the time, things most people willingly bring into their life, such as electronics and football games. The fact that America spends one whole day of its Thanksgiving break devoted to these things shows how ingrained consumption is.
Unfortunately nothing will be magically changed if everyone stops celebrating Black Friday. As most things are, this issue is far more complicated, yet the problem remains; the fiber of memories has been replaced by consumption, as well as other surrogates, and technology has sadly become a go-between. While Black Friday is but a poster child, a figurehead — and an ugly one of an uncontrollable hydra at that — it would be nice to see it come to an end. But more heads will rear and I will retreat back into a corner, without a cell phone or a tablet. I am truly frightened, and this Black Friday I will surely be hiding in some safe place, far from the reality of consumer society, hoping my generation comes to its senses.
Be: thank you for your astrological comments that so clearly help depict the planets role in illustrating our relation to them ‘in’ universe. I am coping and saying your comments in my notes. as also know this unraveling is to make right the path in our acts of receiving the message, in accepting ‘true’ universal plan.
I will add to the “where’s your data” question with ” who paid for that data” We live in a world of information, but information is easily spun if its taken as fact or truth without critical thought and critical questioning.
The media likes to polarize situation to feed the fire, WE like to polarize so that we can stand on our morality and say “this is how it should be.” Who does that help? Retailers, for one.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505123_162-57342402/lies-damned-lies-and-black-friday-sales-statistics/
Wish you had a ‘like’ button for comments.
Amanda, I started to answer along that line too. I guess we need to find the balance, don’t we? I remember how bored I was growing up on the farm. I hid my face when cars drove by when we were butchering hogs, I was too embarrassed to have kids from school see me outside stirring the kettle of lard. But, I also remember when my cousin got polio. the internet and cellphones have changed our lives dramatically for the better, and vaccines make our quality of life wonderful by comparison. I recently bought a phone that takes HD movies and photos, AND it recognizes my face to turn on. I just think we live in amazing times, but the food issues are terribly disturbing. Almost everyone I know is using an inhaler to breathe normally. I sort of wonder how many people died of asthma in 1959, or 1969? Well….they were spraying us with DDT during those years, and blowing up nuclear weapons too. Science has been making a big experiment on us for quite awhile. Guess we need to know how to say “enough already!” I can’t fault NASA at all, for the pioneering spirit – even though they were misguided at times too. Science is doing a world of good, but who ever tries to police their work? Ethics and values are still important, I think. I say, sentence all of them to 10 years of bi=weekly or tri-weekly (during novena season) Catholic church, like we all did. heh.
Well, now we have kids who die of cancer at 15.
Half the population gets cancer.
The distinction between science and political science IS simple: where’s your data? I know this seems a bit black and white, but when you’re in a room full of these bullshit hucksters trying to get you to poison your kids, and you say “where’s your data?” it’s a good way to get escorted to the door.
here’s a question: how much is “science” at fault, and how much is it the corporations and governments that *use* the science that are at fault? is it possible to separate the two?
i mean, i know that we humans have created most of the ills of the world we now ask science to fix for us. but at the same time… do we really want to go back to dying of typhus at age 20 and not knowing how effective simple hand-washing is for preventing the spread of disease?
i’m not sure it’s so black and white…
Hi Calvin,
Thanks for this excellent article, and thank you for helping me move back from Vashon Island on the West Coast last month. Sorry for the delays with your articles. I think we’ve got a groove now. (Calvin’s role was on the last day of packing, and then the double truck packing project involved in an off-island move. I spent a lot of time with him that day and quickly figured out that he is a true thinker.)
As for what you’ve written here: sadly, consumerism is influencing many of our relationships. Remember that consumerism is about what you get, for as cheaply as possible, and that is a formula for authentic unhappiness in relationships.
People glued to their devices may be inclined to think that you can have a meaningful relationship in tweets, that a phone call is intimidating and that there is no such thing as a quiet afternoon.
Having no example of anything else, I wonder if it won’t take a blackout to realize that we have neighbors. I don’t think that our technology has to isolate us the way that it’s doing, though the more the consumer and addictive aspects are pushed, the more it’s likely to do so.
This problem goes back a long way. Bill Paley, the guy who turned CBS from a dying radio network into a powerhouse of both news and entertainment, started a supper club in the 1960s. He wanted to do something creative and social and create a space for people to get together.
When the club opened, hardly anyone showed up. He asked one of his colleagues where everyone was.
“They’re at home watching the tube,” he was told.
<< Finding the way out is probably a lot simpler than we think, and most likely involves simple faith. >>
It would seem that science is asking us to have “simple faith” in its supposed experts. You’re supposed to have simple faith that the dioxin in your shrimp won’t hurt you. Challenging science begins with a question: “Where’s your data?”
Until we demand and see the data, you can trust that science is a religion and we are its faithful devotees.
Speaking of nature, I saw a notice on FB today posted by a college prof I know, regarding scientists’ work being sacred and the rest of us not having ears to hear or eyes to see. Oh yeah? Seems to me that the scientists are the ones who have destroyed the world – food chain? destroyed. Earth? poisoned. Water? poisoned. Atmosphere? poisoned. Amazing how it always turns out to be the consumer’s fault for using electricity, eating, drinking, heating houses, etc. If we are really making some sort of transition, will it include science? The older I get the more I remain convinced that God created the world, and that the devil has literally handled all the details, including all the pagan deities mentioned in these pages constantly. Finding the way out is probably a lot simpler than we think, and most likely involves simple faith.
I teach kids aged between 18 and 24. They come into class with their pink cellphones, high heels and make up, or torn jeans and piercings. After a while, with a little patience and imagination, many of them start to open up like flowers, and touch the enormous creativity that’s inside most of them.
“My admiration was sadly interrupted as a group of young women, just about my age, sat down right next to me and shared their tepid and shallow phone conversations”. At least they weren’t stuck behind computers at home, writing away on facebook, at least they’d got out of the house and were enjoying a beautiful place and eachother’s company, even though they were stuck behind their devices, they were taking photos of the lovely view.. I totally agree with the sentiment running through Calvin’s piece – I hate this cell phone, facebook, consumeristic age, but I also think we can be too quick to judge at times.
Mindful
by Mary Oliver
Every day
I see or I hear
something
that more or less
kills me
with delight,
that leaves me
like a needle
in the haystack
of light.
It is what I was born for –
to look, to listen,
to lose myself
inside this soft world –
to instruct myself
over and over
in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,
the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant –
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,
the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help
but grow wise
with such teachings
as these –
the untrimmable light
of the world,
the ocean’s shine,
the prayers that are made
out of grass?
…and then the facebook greets me with something like this, posted by a friend… *sigh*
yep — i’m with calvin.
i have never, *ever* understood the draw to stand in line for hours in the dark just to do battle with someone over the last discounted plastic [X]. especially not when there’s a rare opportunity to relax with family, and be grateful to have them and a full belly. but then, i’m not really a “shopper” — my taurus sun loves nice things, but i hate “shopping,” and “handmade, local, quality” have been values of mine long before the current trend (which i applaud, but which still misses the point of “giving thanks”).
it saddens me regularly to see so many people walking around glued to their little screens, relating to neither the people around them nor the sky and sea and trees directly. and it feeds this cycle of disconnect, loneliness, and lack of appreciation and engagement that so many then try to fill with more of the same.
i’m 38, and have resisted getting a cell phone for all this time; i only broke down and got a basic model (not a smart phone) for my burning man trip, since i knew it could be a valuable tool before and after my week offline in the desert. i thought i was just renting it for a month, and then would return it. turns out i bought it, but got a plan where i can pre-pay to use it a month at a time.
i have done so once: in preparation of hurricane sandy, in case i lost all power (b/c i’d lose my land line, too). ended up not needed it — so it will lie fallow again.
calvin, i would take be’s words to heart. there are deep movements afoot. and i think the more of us are willing to make our neo-luddite ways known — along with our joys and wonder, plus our fully-felt grief and creativity — the more we can at least present an oasis, even if we can’t force any of the herd to drink from it.
š
now, if i could just wean myself from Facebook, which i have to use as part of my job at PW, but which has sucked me in far more than i’d like…
Nice piece of writing, Calvin, thank you. You did leave off the new sport of driving while texting, which is particularly common in the college town I live in, which reeks of self-centeredness: “oh, I won’t get in an accident, I can do this!” And sadly it is not limited to kids- soccer moms in their mini-vans and young business dudes in their Audis and Beemers are also eager participants. It’s gotten to the point where I can tell from 100 yards away in another driver is on the phone in one form or another.
As for the roots of this shallow instant gratification? I’ll put forth the theory that since christianity is at the mythological root of our culture, we need look no further than a spiritual tradition that offers instant absolution from sin and requires nothing deeper from its adherents than “believing in Jesus” to be saved. Jesus spent 40 days and nights in the Wilderness so you don’t have to! Join today! Jah forbid these people do the hard work, the real work, of self-reflection required to live without missing the mark. When self-reflection is replaced with self-absorption you have 21st Century America.
PS- Thanks for the walk in the Adirondack’s, it’s been a long time since I’ve been in that area. A beautiful part of Mother Earth
Calvin,
It is good to know that there are young people like you who are sensitive to the shallowness of our experiences in these late days of 2012. I want to say “fear not” but then I too fear sometimes, as do many others who come to PlanetWaves. So much has been written about this year it is difficult to find a way to approach the topic that would encourage a reader to lay down their objections and think about the possibilities. Or better yet, to feel the possibilities. In your case, I would start with your observations. The majority of our society seems to be hypnotized, drugged, unconscious and superficial. One (who is not so greatly influenced) wonders if it is even possible to penetrate the cocoon of protection these people spend most of their waking lives in. I use the term “waking” loosly.
In fact, one of the two most talked-about planets in these present times is Uranus, aka The Awakener. He and his partner Pluto have the task of changing this situation we find ourselves in; escapism due to things like hopelessness, loss of direction and focus, fear and ignorance. The power encapsulated into these two symbols comes from a greater place than governments, churches, political parties, parents, bosses, teachers, societies. Combined as they are, in a square aspect, they can move all of the afore-mentioned to awaken, take another look at their values and re-direct their focus.
A square aspect between two planets does not mean that they are mad at each other. It means that their approach to the present situation (whatever it may be) needs enough power to distract, jolt, alert and motivate with its intent. Like a fire alarm or a railroad crossing, lightning and thunder, it aims to get our attention in a really, really big way. You and I know the intention has to be to stop madness and re-direct humanity into a more enriching, less destructive mode of operation.
These two planets represent energies that are not working in a bubble. Neptune works in tandem with them, providing the escapism but also the faith we find ourselves torn between. Planet-like bodies such as Chiron symbolize ways to bridge the calamity we find ourselves in; too jaded to see a path out of the chaos but too painful to not take action. Chiron and others can bring down the message(s) from Uranus, Pluto and Neptune in such a way as to make it accessible to the consciousness level we presently occupy. The Universe is providing a way out of the conundrum we presently occupy, and it is a beautiful and rewarding plan. For many it won’t seem that way at all, but over time, everyone will find the way out to a life much more rewarding and enriching. You wait and see.
be